Sexuary 2017

Ok, it's 24 days till Sexuary 2017. Anyone else thinking/doing anything?

Jackie and I have just finished up our calendar. Of course there is plenty of kink involved (cause that's who we are), but we are actually trying something different this year. While the sex and kink will be several days a week (no 28 days straight this year but we are looking about 4 days a week), everyday, above and beyond the sex itself will be a 5 - 15 minutes of intimate touching.

For us that could be making out, it could be a short massage, it could be some intimate touching. maybe some licking or the like.  And timers will be set, not so much for a minimum, but for a maximum. Why? We want this to be as much of a tease and a time of excitement as it is about sex. We want to remember how excited we can make each other even when we know sex is not going to happen right then. We want to be thinking of the other person and that they still have 'that touch'. I expect there will be a few hickies during Sexuary. A horrid price to pay I know. hehehe Seriously, I know we try on days we know we are having sex, but we wanted to push that this Sexuary.

So anyone else got anything going?  Oh and the kink and sex?  I'm sure you'll be reading about our adventures if you follow this blog, the good, the bad and the orgasmic.

Dane

Sexuary 2016 - Ben Wa Balls

Jackie and I have started out Sexuary 2016 with a big bang..and bang again...and well you get the picture, we're celebrating our sexuality and reminding ourselves that sex has to be one of those priorities in our relationship.  Let's face it life gets in the way all the time and if we allow it, before we know it the only time we use the bed is when we drag our tired asses into it to sleep.  Work, kids, stress, and money all seem to zap us of our energy and we forget that the closeness of a good sex life will actually energize us both physically and emotionally to make it through all those hard times.

This is actually Jackies and my 5th year to celebrate Sexuary!!! We'd been struggling at least in part because of some medical issues with Jackie and after she was feeling back on track we got on board with Christine Moers on her welcometomybrain.net.  And while she's no longer blogging on there, there is still a lot of good, honest and open information on honest and real sex questions along with a lot of life issues we all face.  But back to Jackie and I.  So 5 years ago we took the challenge to do something above and beyond what we normally do.  Maybe something that made us a bit uncomfortable in trying it, but to do it.  So we weren't the bravest, but we strove to have sex 7 days in a row.  Easy right? Yeah, not so much.  We still were lacking our communication skills and just real frankly it didn't happen.  A mere 7 days couldn't be achieved.  Year 3 was our first year to decide WE WERE GOING TO DO THIS!!!! After literally months of working together (and lots of fun in discussions) we put together "The Calendar".  It was a 28 day calendar with some different kink we either wanted to try, or might be interested in, or something we just didn't do regularly.

So what did we learn?  We learned to communicate more than we ever have.  We found out that some kinks aren't for the 2 of us.  We found we REALLY liked some others.  We found that 28 days in a row was an incredibly difficult task, but it could be done (remember all those outside factors listed above, well they didn't slack off just because we left them off the calendar).  Will we ever do it again? I don't know, but we have made it a tradition that Sexuary is a time for us to reignite our sex life and do a systems check on our relationship.  And this blog?  Well this blog was to show that men and women like you, that's ordinary next door neighbors have some of the same issues you have.  That we miscommunicate and it causes problems.  That we want to try stuff and sometimes are a bit scared of even attempting it.  That sometimes it just doesn't go anything like you'd hoped or planned.  And then there are those times that it's over the top great and you wonder why you didn't try it before!  But we're not porn stars.  We're not strippers or anything in the sex field, we're a manager and a business owner who have dreams and have been tempted to try some of the things we've read about, seen or heard about over the years.  Again, the couple next door you just didn't know was into trying anything that comes their way.

So this year, 2016, we have taken our calendar and put 15 dates down on it.  That's every other day and an extra for Valentines day.  We've put down some of our favorite things that take a little effort and spread them over the calendar this year.

Some of it might sound mundane, but it's the fact we're doing SOMETHING to make sure our sex life doesn't go stale and whither away.  And as always we're flexible if something comes up to make sure we get the most out of it all.

In our case since Jackie has started running so on Wednesday she was rather sore and so we swapped Wednesday for Friday.  But Friday is what I wanted to talk about some.  This Friday was Jackies turn to be the center of attention if  you will.  Tied up and blindfolded and different sensations from hands, cloths, metal clamps, silk, ropes and all.  It really sets Jackie off when we take the time to do all these things to her.  But yesterday I added  a new twist for her.  Ben Wa Balls.

So I've had these Ben Wa Balls for probably 40 years.  My (don't laugh) but my grandmother brought them back from Singapore and gave them to me (God bless grandma in all her ignorance of all things sexual).  They are decorative and fairly large (2").  They've sit in our toy drawer for lots of years now and never been used.  We changed that on Friday.  After lots of stimulation I lubed and inserted one in.  The second one had more issues and while it went in when it came out we left it out.  But even the one added new sensations for both of us.  While Jackie couldn't necessarily feel the one in her (she actually thought it was out) she could feel different sensations inside and from my perspective the drenching she gave me and the bed told me we definitely were on the right track.  Additionally I could feel the Ben Wa Ball massaging me when I was inside of her.  Definite win win for both of us and something we'll add in the future.

Ok, so the downside to these Ben Wa Balls?  Well as you can see there are no ropes or anything to help pull them out.  Now mind you they can't go anywhere that will harm or get stuck forever or anything, but it did take some serious effort on Jackies part to get the second one to come out.  So we might try some smaller ones (these were 2") or some with a rope between them that one of us can reach in and pull out.  

So now it's your turn.  Go do something to make this year, Sexuary 2016 better than your day to day relationship.  Make sure it's getting the nourishment it needs to not only survive, but to thrive!

Dane

Preparing for Sexuary 2016

It's December already and we haven't even started planning for 2016 Sexuary!!! OMG what happened to this year.  Normally we start November 1st coming up with a topic for the following year. So you know what that means right?  It means we'll be starting our annual discussion on what does Sexuary (our annual adventure to make sure our sexual relationship is as strong as the rest of our relationship during the month of February).  So what does that mean to Jackie and I?  Well first that generally means we get to 'discuss' multiple times as to where we are.  That discussion can, and often does, lead to some great ...hmmmm.... practice sessions to see if we're really there.  Then there is the communicating via pillow talk, emails and texting, that can get rather exciting at times, about all the possibilities for the upcoming Sexuary that can lead to more sessions. Finally there is the narrowing down of the list to those things we are going to do.  Some of those talks can get so hot that we can't finish until we've had another 'discussion'.  Last once we have our list together, maybe even make a calendar, of what/when we are going to do things we start to make arrangements.  That might mean going shopping for toys, or going online and finding items we might need to make Sexuary all we are hoping for.  We've found if we have everything prior to Sexuary it's more likely to happen.

Then Sexuary, I mean February 1 comes and we start celebrating.

One year that was trying to have sex for 1 week in a row (we failed that year, we could make it to 6 days, but just not 7).  We shot for every other day 1 year, and we probably had sex 14 times even if it wasn't every other day.  One year that meant 28 days of fetishes, with each day being something different. We both almost died but we succeeded.  Last year because of family health issues (not Jackie or I, but Jackie was taking care of a family member with cancer),  we cut that back because Jackie was gone every other week for the week.  So that's where the 'where you are' comes in.

Talking to friends, it could be that you have sex 4 times in the month and that's a huge advancement over your current sexual status.  In some cases it would be to break a year long spell and have sex during Sexuary.  Maybe it's that you and your significant other just need to do massages a couple of times during that month and that's progress. It really all depends on where you are starting from as to what success would be.  But the discussions leading up to it and the actual conscientious focus on your sexual relationship is the goal for Sexuary.

So let's get started and start talking about Sexuary 2016!!! I'm ready, let's go!!!

Dane

PS - Sexuary for Jackie and I started by reading a friend of ours blog Welcome To My Brain  by Christine Moers.  Her profound words about sex in a relationship were so powerful Jackie and I not only started participating in Sexuary, we started this blog.  She made the comment that we tell people to be celibate until they are married (committed relationship).  BUT we forget to tell them it's not only okay, but desired to have a healthy sex life once you're in that relationship. It's the gift of being in such a relationship!!! Scientifically it brings you closer to your significant other.  It creates desire to be with them.  It makes you willing to put up with the daily grind of life within the relationship, because of the intimacy.  So Sexuary exist for that and so much more.  Sexuary is Jackie and my gift to each other every year.

International Fisting Day 2015

Well who would know that we'd be celebrating International Fisting Day (October 21, 2015 was the 5th annual) with a round of anal fisting. That and 3 hours of glorious sex that went with it was one of those mini-sexuary days that every couple needs.  What a glorious day.  Want to know more about it you can go to fistingday.com.  It's been no secret in this blog that I enjoy anal fisting (see our most popular post here).  There is a huge release that can't be had any other way than to have a hand in there rubbing your prostate.  Just doesn't happen any other way.  So we use plenty of lube and go at it.  

Now maybe you're thinking more vaginal fisting.  A friend of ours recommends "A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting".  Jackie and I do this sometimes too, though truth be told I get fisted much more than she does.  

But the couple of rules to always follow no matter where you're fisting is 1) Lube, lube and more lube!!! Don't even think about not over doing it with the lube. Oh, did I mention LUBE is extremely important?  2) Especially until you know your partner and their capabilities make sure you take it slowly.  Just going in there and shoving a fist in will rip something.  Work it in slowly and give yourself plenty of time to slowly work in a bit more at a time till you get that wondrous point where your hand is sucked in to the cavern beyond.  We've found once you're in, well then you can get a bit rougher if you'd like and ...well let's just say if done right I'm told many women can have orgasms before you even get all the way there, and I can speak from experience, there are times I'll be dripping once the anal play starts.    3) and probably most important is that if the fistee says stop, then stop immediately!!! There is a point where the pleasure can turn to the wrong kind of pain, and if it gets there you must stop.  Both as fistee you need to be able to say stop and as the fister you need to stop when told to or see that something beyond ok is reached.  

Well maybe you missed this years International Fisting Day, but maybe you can start practicing for 2016 International Fisting Day!

Dane

Food for Thought

Who hasn't brought out that can of whip cream and cherries for a hot erotic sex play?  Food play is one of the basic forms of getting out of the box and doing something different.  It's cheap, and if you look around you can find plenty of good stuff in the pantry.  I mean if whip cream isn't to your liking then maybe chocolate would be more up your alley. A few drizzles and then your job is to lick each and every erotic place on your partners body  until your tongue has caressed parts that it had forgotten even existed.

Now my favorite way to start this is to blind fold Jackie and to strap her down with our sheets so I'm in control here.  The sensations of putting food where I want it and then taking it off again will rev Jackie up before I ever get to her wetness.  We've used fruits and some vegetables, of course ice, the liquids are often whipped cream or chocolate syrup, but it could be any thicker liquid.

Now there was that 1 time I seriously covered Jackie.  I'll caution against that unless you're ready to make sure that mess is transferred between the two of you, and your sex will get beyond messy.  But a little bit goes a long ways, especially when it comes to the liquids.

You could run a fuzzy peach over her skin.  You could drag a grape between her moist lips and seductively eat it.  You could dip a cherry in the chocolate and then feed it to her from your teeth, fighting over the stems with your tongues.  You could help her practice her deepthroating with a banana, and then letting her see what that does to you.  These are just a few of the ways we use food in the bedroom to help spice things up.

So while all of these are great and all I wanted to add a new one to your list, corn starch.  Yeap, I said it, corn starch.  That big yellow square container that is always sitting up in the pantry.  When I used it on Jackie recently (blindfolded of course) she thought I was dribbling oils on her.  The 'explosion' of the corn starch  as it dropped on her skin felt like droplets splashing on her. As I spread it, caressing every inch of her body with my hands, it made Jackies skin feel extra silky.  Honestly I would think if you didn't have massage oils and needed something corn starch might save the night. Of course you'll need to take a shower when it's done.  Damn another advantage of corn starch. Because playing in the shower to make sure you get it all off....well that might just take some tongue action.

Do you have any foods that you've found extra fun in the bedroom?  SHARE, don't be greedy and hog it up to yourself, let us know so Jackie and I can try it out!

Dane

Jackie here...can I say this was an amazing day....it was so surprising to hear Dane say it was corn starch.  It totally felt like oil being dripping one sensual drip at a time...Damn gets me excited just thinking about it.  

Dane and I have played with different food like he said above, but I would HIGHLY, did I mention HIGHLY being blindfolded and encourage your partner to use corn starch ...DAMN... He managed to keep it on my body but not my sweet spot... and it set my senses on fire... they went into overload... my whole body was tingling from head to toe, the fan blowing on my body was almost too much, his soft touch was erotic and would send me over the top...OH MY...

Tell us about your food experiences...good, bad, sweet or ugly...

J

Sweet Spot Nation - Burlesque

You ever get one of those Groupons and go 'damn, I wanna do that'?  I did when it was advertising the The Sweet Spot Nation's (their facebook page is here) visit to Austin.  I WANTED TO GO!  So we looked on our calendars and low and behold the date was book. DAMN, MaryKay party scheduled for Jackie and her friends.  After talking to the host of the party, she moved it just so we could all go (in total we wound up with 3 couples going) to a night of great sexual entertainment.  I got the tickets ordered and anticipation set in, I was going to go to a burlesque show.

Now we weren't exactly sure what we were getting ourselves into, but that's half the fun isn't it?  A group of friends, crossing over into that taboo area of sexuality for the night, how could you go wrong?  The Sweet Spot Nation has everything from comedians, dancers, sex advice, poetry, and fun and games for everyone.   This high energy show was a great release for Jackie and I.  For hours Jackie and I were entertained.  They kept us sexually aroused and laughing our asses off as each member of the troupe performed their part of the show.  A nationally acclaimed burlesque dancer in all her perkiness, poetry so erotic I could feel and hear Jackie moan, readings from erotic passages, and even vibrator advice from their resident sex advisor, Dr. Nikeema Lee, something Jackie and I love to encourage, were all part of our nights entertainment.  The best part is in 3 months they'll be back, and we can't wait.


Now have to admit the highlight of the night for us was when the 2 guys that were with us were called up on stage for an 'stroking' competition.  Air fucking at it's finest left us wooing and cheering for our 2 friends.  We were talking about it all the way home.  

If you're open to new adventures, that cross the line just a bit....or maybe even a bit more, then see if they are coming to your town.  Afterwards you can whisper all the things that turned you on in the nights events as you make love to each other.  And if you didn't find anything hot, I would certainly get in to see your doctor, because something just isn't right!

Dane

#sweetspotnation

Sexuary 2015 - Dildos

Ok, so the buttons are to much for you to handle, or maybe you are tired of having to steal the kids game controller batteries, then a dildo is what you need.  So for clarification I'll define a dildo as an adult toy that doesn't us a battery and is generally used for inserting inside of someone.

So in the adult toy world we seem to have vibrators and dildos for the most part (yes, I know there is all the other fun, kinky stuff like ropes and chains, and paddles and whips) but for now we'll talk about why 1 over the other and why your dildo can be your friend.

Dildos come in all shapes and sizes.  From the that's nice to the OMG you're not getting near me with that thing sizes.  They are most often made with a slightly spongee, rubbery outer coating for a more realistic feeling most of the harder vibrators.  These coatings are often times the difference in cost between 1 dildo and another.  Additionally, many of the dildos have a harder inner core to help with inserting them inside.  If they don't it can be difficult to get them inserted where you want to go.  Some dildos will come with suction cups to stick to a wall, bathtub, or any other place you'd like to explore nirvana from.

Dildos are a preference thing though.  Each person has a preference and that's the right one for you. Big or small, fat or skinny are all what you like.  There are ridges on some, nodules on others, but those are all personal preferences.  How wide should you get it?  Maybe use the finger rule.  How many fingers do you use when fingering your vagina or ass when you're playing?  Use that as a width for the width of your new dildo.  As for length?  My rule of thumb is you can always short stroke a long dildo, but if it's to short...well your orgasm could come up short too.  There is of course the let's be real about it too rule.

Oh and let's not forget the double headed dildo. These are generally 12"+ long and very flexible. You can share the dildo with a partner or bend it in half and use both ends at once.

If you like dildos but might want an occasional vibration, some of the dildos have a place to put a bullet vibrator in them for a little kick.

Some of the reasons you might like to use a dildo over a vibrator?  Noise is one big reason.  If you don't want others to hear you playing a dildo could be a better option.  What if you wanted to use something on both your vagina and clit or ass at the same time?  It could be better to make 1 a dildo as having 2 vibrators hitting together sometimes causes a racket and could pinch you.  Making 1  a dildo would prevent that.

Make sure you keep your dildos clean and just remember anything a penis can do, yeap that's exactly what a dildo can do. 

Hope your Sexuary has been good and you've had fun breaking out those toys. 

Sexuary 2015 - TENS / Electricity

So it's Sexuary and you want to go outside the box a bit.  How about using that TENS unit?  We first discussed it in Sexuary 2013 in an article here, and again when I purchased our first attachment here.  Some of it went very well, some not so well for us.

But what is electricity play?  It's just that, using electricity to help with or cause orgasms or just feeling good sensations.  A TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) unit is a medical unit used to help patients with muscle issues in their back, arms and legs (I'm sure almost any place).  TENS machines works by sending stimulating pulses across the surface of the skin and along the nerve strands. The stimulating pulses help prevent pain signals from reaching the brain.Tens devices also help stimulate your body to produce higher levels of its own natural "Endorphins".  If you put those pulses in just the right places, well what you could get is an orgasm.

The electricity will flow from 1 pad to the other, so you want everything in direct line of where those spots you want stimulated are.  Common electrode placement for penises is on the underside of the shaft, with one pad near the head of the penis and one at the base. Alternatively, for testicular enjoyment, place one pad on the top of the scrotum and the other on the bottom. For vaginas, a pad on either side of the clit or opposite sides of the vaginal opening can feel wonderful. A pad on each side of the anus is also an option. Keep in mind, the jelly-like pad adhesive is very sticky and works best on smooth skin. It’s best to shave first if you’re working with a very hairy area.

You can also find attachments for your TENS units like the Penis straps or anal plugs and if you look you'll find more. The one caveat I'll give on these is to use LOTS of medical gel.  It's cheap and worth every drop you put on the unit.  Otherwise you'll feel sparking instead of a nice current.  Nothing like having a your penis strapped down and sparks biting into it.  Read the directions!!! I didn't at first and was very disappointed at the outcome.

Now there are other devices that use electricity The Violet Wand is probably the most famous.  It's not cheap (about $200), but do you really want the cheapest model when you're talking about sending electricity through your body?  This wand is made to run over yourself or someone and kind of acts like a plasma ball we had growing up, except you are the other side of the electricity with no glass in between.  I've never experienced them first hand but have spoken with people who have and everyone loves these jewels.  


So first question, does it hurt?  The only time I've ever had a painful experience is when I used an attachment with no gel.  Otherwise I could crank up the medical unit full blast (slowly of course) and had a great sensation.  When we use them on Jackie she'll need a breather from her orgasms.  They are intense and continuous until she turns off the unit once they start.  Take it slow, and gradually increase your power till you find that sweet spot.

Will you always orgasm?  While Jackie has always been able to orgasm I've never been able to cum with the TENS unit.  I have however had great sensations that have almost brought me there.  I'm still working on placement, but I still recommend trying it.

Can you use a TENS during sex?  Both of you might be wearing 1 set of pads, or just the act of each of you having a set of pads while having sex will cause extra stimulation and will mimic suckling on your clit, testicles, or anus during intercourse can take your lovemaking to new heights.

So if you have that TENS unit in the closet from a bad back, then break it out and try it for other purposes.  If you are thinking about some sort of electrical play, then Jackie and I recommend going for it!!!  One of the great things about TENS units is they are just as good for single play as for with a partner.  So whether Sexuary is about "ME" time or "US" time it's a great way to go.

Got some other scoop on electric play that makes you go over the top?  Share it here for everyone to learn.  Recommendation on a specific type of electric toy?  Or just what you've found works or doesn't work please share so others can learn!.

Hope your Sexuary 2015 is going well!!!

Dane

Sexuary 2015 - Ordinary Items Used As Toys

Ok so it's Sexuary 2015 and you've haven't got an extra $75 or $100 or $200 dollars for a new sex toy, and the batteries are dead in your old ones but you want to have some extra fun in the bedroom, so what do you do?  Look around the house it's full of fun toys that can be brought into the bedroom for some excitement the next time you play.

Kim Bainger in 9 1/2 Weeks

Let's start with the simplest of stuff.  I remember the scene with Mickey Rourke and  Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 Weeks where a single ice cube and made millions of teenagers cream there pants as he ran it down over her lips and
body.  The ice can be used on either sex and lots of fun can be had.  Now I generally get a small bowl and a hand towel to go with it if I'm planning something like that, but yes, an ice cube found in your freezer can be a great addition to your sex toys.

I  know that not everyone wears ties like they used to, but I think most men have a tie or 2 in the closet.  Instead of leaving it in the closet, use it in bed.  Tie someone up and make them squirm (maybe with the ice cube from above), before taking it to the next level.  If you don't have a tie, use a belt.  Honestly you don't have to tie them to tight, it's more about the idea of being constrained than the actual constraint. 

Ok, not every house had cloths pins anymore, but for a dollar or so you can have more than you will ever need to play with.  As nipple clamps, on the scrotum, I've seen them in a row on the thighs or sides, or ear lobe or ...well you get the idea, if you can pinch it you can put a cloths pin on there.  So why? It's not only the pinching sensation, but the rush of blood once you remove the pin that is part of the adrenaline rush.  Oh a little trick I've learned is that a dime, penny or nickel placed by the spring can lessen the clamp.  So if your cloths pin is too much to be placed on the nipple, just put a dime there and see if that is better, if not try a penny or a nickle.Simple adjustment and you can still use the cloths pins.

While we purchased a piece of cloth for the next, a fluffy robe or a fluffy blanket could be used for feeling and texture once the person is blindfolded or maybe you want to just wrap it around your hand and gently rub. I like taking Jackies favorite cloth and spreading it over her and slowly sliding it down her body giving her goose bumps.  But in this case it's about the texture when they can't see.  

Have you priced a good paddle lately?  Yeah they aren't cheap by any means, but the paddle in our drawer is nothing more than a ping pong paddle.  The sides are lifting up and there's a couple of spots a bit worn, but that just gives it character.  A new one is only a few bucks, and I promise, as I speak from experience here, a good wallop with that will do the trick just fine. By the way, a good wooden spoon from the kitchen can do just as good of a job too. Oh and if you're into role playing and one of you is a student, a good hardback book could be your next paddle.

Got a feather boa or some feathers from some school project?  I will say not all feathers are created equal, but if you have something soft like that use it.

Don't have a blindfold to use?  Just take a t-shirt and fold it and tie it in the back or a scarf from her closet.  The idea is to deprive the 1 individual from a sense, that of sight, so anything will work.  Though blindfolds are pretty cheap if you look around.

Certain candles can be used in the bedroom too.  Dripping the wax can be very pleasure/pain enjoyable.  Not all candles are equal for this.  Soy and paraffin candles burn cooler and are easier to remove later.  Avoid most other candles as they can burn the skin.  I found a great article on wax here if you want more on it.

Two dice could be a great start for the night.  Each number on 1 die is a place on the body and the other die represents what you're going to do with it (lick, rub, kiss...come up with your own ideas here).  After a few rounds I'm thinking you won't need the dice any more.  And of course strip poker is always a way.  Another way is that the winner gets to take off a piece of clothing and the loser has to pay 2 minutes attention to that spot, or something to that effect, be creative here.

We play games with sports too.  Superbowl was 3 minutes of being eaten or blowjob for every touchdown scored.  In years past (when we didn't have company) that was due immediately upon scoring.  Made the game a lot more interesting for us and as the game came to a closer, we came too.  

Basketball can be how many points difference between quarters.  Even NASCAR can turn into a game where you pick a driver or team and winner gets xy and z. The difference between places at the 1/2 point and/or the end could be the number of minutes something happens.  If your driver/team wins you get bonus time. 

What we're saying is just because you can't drop a chunk of change at the adult toy store doesn't mean you are stuck with a boring sex life.  PLAN out a night with your partner where all the items used aren't meant to be used for sex, but you do it anyway.  They will be impressed you were thinking about them that much and the extra excitement can lead to so extra fun play.

Do you have a household item you use in your sex play?  Share it here so others can enjoy it too.  Get with your partner and plan out something together, sometimes the planning is as much fun as the doing.  Make this the Sexuary that you have a great Ah Ha moment with your partner and part of that is playing with everyday ordinary objects as sex toys. 

On this Valentine day, the 1/2 way point of and high holy day of Sexuary, find some way to make a difference in your relationship.  It doesn't take a lot of money to have a great time using toys in the bedroom.

Dane

Sexuary 2015 - Strap-Ons

So was hoping to get to the TENS units but am waiting for a new toy to arrive before I finish that so we're going to talk about strap-ons.  YEAH!

So strap-ons are one of those Sexuary toys that EVERYONE gets to play with.  It doesn't matter your gender or sexual preference there are strap-ons for you and your partners enjoyment.  While we generally think of strap-ons in women on women, it can actually be used by both men and women on both men and women. Damn these strap-ons are good!!!

So it's been our experience that most strap-ons are pretty simple in design.  While the miles of webbing or leather might look intimidating, once you can lay it out and figure out leg and belt you're good to go.  Just tighten it up and fun and excitement are around the corner.   Though you'll notice in our picture we have one that wraps around you thigh, a much simpler design, though it has some 'thrust' issues to it. 

S

So most of the strap on work with a metal O ring that fits around the base and then that snaps into your webbing.  Note the bottom left dildo is made to be put onto a strap on belt.

We've also found a double sided strap on that vibrate both her and him at the same time (lighter purple on).  While Jackie had issues with the angle on this one we loved the idea of it.

So why do we play with strap-ons?

• Well first of all there is the hands free element here.  Depending on the sex using it you could be stroking a clit or a cock, or just holding on while still stroking or pegging.  
• You can get your hips into it.  Let's face it these are nothing more than dildos and vibrators, but hip action definitely adds a new dimension to the thrusting the receiver is getting. 
• For the women there is gender bending
• For the men there is now 2 penises and the possibility of double penetration
• Additionally for men with erectile issues the strap on can over come so of those issues and provide a great sexual experience. 
• There are role play opportunities here.  The strap on because that guy you invited to your bed together.  

So I'll add that while some guys are intimidated by strap-ons, I've never met a guy that's tried them that don't appreciate them.  The "you've got to be gay if you allow anal" myth is just that a myth.  After all why would one of the most erotic zones in a man be found within the anal channel if we weren't supposed to explore there? Seriously guys there is nothing like having your prostate rubbed while a woman has a strap on dildo plowing in your ass and you're being stroked.

Oh but wait that means the wife must really be butch and dominate. *slapping forehead*  For most women wearing a strap on has no gender implications. It's just another accessory they wear for sexual play that just happens to be very practical and while they might seriously get into the moment, it doesn't change who they are.  If they're not butch and dominate now a strap on isn't going to change that. 

Here's a good video I found talking about the different styles of strap-ons and attachable dildos.



I will say that we had problems finding our first belt for Jackie because of size.  But what I figured out was that the web belts are standard webbing and I just added a couple of pieces of webbing extending the pull straps.  This allowed a more comfortable fit for her, and pleasure for me.  So for us the web belts were the best option. 

We also have found that it is generally much cheaper to purchase a harness by itself and then add the dildo you want to add separately.  The 'kits' get quite pricey and you won't always get the dildo you want.  Putting your own set together allows you to get what you want, and often at a cheaper price. You'll notice in our collection we have a variety of strap on dildos that we can put on Jackies harness.

So how does this work with Sexuary?  Well here's the deal, strap-ons allow for some unique toy play.  They bring an intimacy to your bedroom (or other places) that just the dildo doesn't.  And isn't that what Sexuary is about?  Bringing a new sense of intimacy to the bedroom.  Even if it's for the 1 night this month, these toys are fun.

So where are you on Sexuary adventures this year?  Have you brought more toys to your sanctuary?  Have you used them for self satisfaction?  Have you made a change for this month to bring more communication to your relationship?  We still have over half the month left, so if you haven't do anything for Sexuary you still have time!!! Go for it, grab that strap on and ........

If you don't have a strap on we highly recommend adding one to your collection!

Dane 

Sexuary 2015 - Care and Cleaning of Your Toys

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