Sexuary 2015 - Sex Toy Myth Buster

So before we get started with Sexuary 2015, I felt like maybe we should go over some myths about sex toys.  There are plenty out there and if we’re going to talk about how they can make your sex life better, we should understand what they can and can’t do. 

Myth – Toys are for just for lonely women

Fact – The adult sex toy industry is over $15 billion a year industry.  That would be a lot of lonely women. Let’s face it I remember a day when if you wanted to get a sex toy you had to pull up to the back side of a brick building that looked non-descript that was at least 50 miles from your home, and put on your sunglasses to walk into a poorly lit area and quickly grab a toy before someone you knew pulled in and recognized you. It’s the way it was.  Now between internet sales and brightly lit stores that cater to women and couples there is no reason not to have sex toys.  There are now parties that are hosted at homes so it’s more personal, and the days of the seedy sex stores are all but gone.  The sex stores today are nice, clean, well lit businesses that cater to women in a lot of respects. 

It’s estimated that in the 70’s only about 1% of the women had sex toys, today over 50% have them.  Shows like Sex In The City and the Rabbit toy used have made sex toys more socially acceptable.

Oh, and let’s not forget the men side to the industry.  Yeap, toys are for men too, and as more and more men are talking about it more and more are trying them, both on their significant others and on themselves.

Myth – Sex toys will stretch me out and I won’t be able to feel my partner or will be too loose for him. 

Fact – A sex toy small or large is not going to permanently stretch you out.  Your muscles in the vagina will get looser over time hence the Kegels and keeping the muscles in shape. But the toys are not going to cause that stretching any more than having sex with a large guy is going to stretch you.   I found several references to Betty’s Barbells that can assist you in your Kegels if you’re interested.  You might look up vaginal barbells or Betty's Barbell if you want some more info.  But bottom line is a big fat dildo/vibrator isn’t going to ruin you for a man.

Myth – I’ll be electrocuted if I use my vibrator in the shower.

Fact – The reason they make waterproof vibrators are to protect your investment in the vibrator.  The moisture getting into the battery compartment will ruin most vibrators.  The small amperage and voltage used in vibrators could if conditions were just perfect, a complete circuit out of the battery compartment you could possibly, maybe, get a small zap like a light switch in the winter.  So basically you’d have to submerge the vibrator to cause a circuit. But conditions would have to be perfect and the zap would not in any way be life threatening.  For the record most ‘waterproof’ vibrators have a rubber ring between the battery compartment and the top or plate that encloses it.

You still need to make sure the battery compartment is dried out or your vibrator is waterproof if you don’t want to ruin your vibrator after playing in the shower.

Myth – No real man would use a sex toy with his partner

Fact - A recent survey by the University of Indiana's Kinsey Institute shows that 45 percent of American men have used vibrators in partner sex at least once. One in 10 has done so in the past month. So the ‘real man’ thing is out the window.  Look in cars we put superchargers to make the engine run better.  In sports we train with weights to go longer or higher or whatever.  Sometimes it just makes the sex better when we’re outside of our norm or have some add-ons.  But if I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a dozen times, “a vibrator just isn’t the same as a cock, and sometimes a girl just needs a good cock fucking.” A vibrator doesn't say "I love you" or make dinner or take her to the movies when it's all done either. So have no fear guys, it might get her through the moment, even a long spell, but bottom line most women still want you in the end…the toys, they just put the spice on the meal.

Myth – Sex toys are just for women

Fact – Most sex toys can be used on both sexes.  A vibrator or dildo doesn’t know the difference between a vagina and a rectum.  Prostate or Perineum stimulation from a vibrator can be extremely pleasurable for a male.  Whips and paddles don’t care the sex of the flesh they land on.  A butt plug doesn’t care the sex it finds, it just wants to squeeze between some ass cheeks and firmly plant in an asshole.  Guys have several places that can be stimulated by adult toys.  And that doesn’t even cover the ‘pocket pussy’ or similar devices that help him masturbate. So no, sex toys aren’t just for women.

And just because we’re talking about men and toys, I’m going to make the clear statement here, NO you are not gay because you like your prostate stimulated.  It means you’re opening up to another way to have an amazing orgasm.  The fact that to reach that part is through your ass is just an engineering design issue, but does not mean you are gay. 

Myth – Good sex toys cost a lot.  

Fact – We’ve found toys for less than $10 that was on our favorite list.  We’ve found toys that cost over $100 that were junk.  We’ve picked up very good toys over $100 and crap less than $25.  It really depends on the toys and what you want.  Generally, not always, the quality of the toys material and it’s life expectancy of a higher price toy is better, but that doesn’t make it a better toy. This week we posted a picture of our toys, and someone pointed out we have a $4 ping pong paddle in our collection.  Damn fine toy it is!!! Everyone has their own personal preference on toys, so if a $10 toy hits the spot right, then that’s the toy for you.  We’ll talk about the different parts of toys at another time, but make sure if at all possible you try any electronics before you purchase it, or if you’re getting it online that you can return it if it’s a real dud.

Myth – If I use vibrators I won’t be able to have an orgasm with a man later on.

Fact - No, not true. Sometimes women use vibrators to learn how to give themselves orgasms and can then better explain to their partners how to make them have an orgasm. Sometimes it will help get a woman 'warmed up' easier than other methods. But the one doesn't exclude the other.

Per a Brown University study most women orgasm through clitoral stimulation, and not vaginal stimulation and many would never have an orgasm with just intercourse no matter what the guy did. 

Hope these facts help us move into Sexuary with an open mind about toys and their use in the bedroom (or where ever you might us them).  

If you have another question or heard something about sex toys please ask below or send a messge to us. 

Remember if you'd like to join us for this years Sexuary Play Time Facebook group you have just a couple of more days to find us and join in the upcoming fun.  You can lurk in the shadows or be in the middle of the conversation, there is no pressure to be in the middle of anything in the group.  But if you want to have full access you must join before Sexuary starts.  

Dane

Sexuary 2015 - Sexuary Play Time

We're only 5 days away from Sexuary 2015!!!

So this year Jackie and I have decided to focus a bit on toys.  So much so that we've started a Facebook group called Sexuary Play Time.  It's a closed group, but if you'd like to join us for this years Sexuary adventures please request to join and we'll add you.  Starting Sexuary 1st it will become a secret group and you'd miss out on all the fun conversations that we'll have.  All the articles we work on though will be posted on this blog for everyone to read.

What is Sexuary you ask? I'd have to refer you back to welcometomybrain.net and have you just pull a search of Sexuary.  You'll be amazed at the openness of Christine and her embracing sex as a part of her life and marriage.  So Jackie and I dove in.  First year trying to just have sex for 7 straight days..then every other day...then we went the great year of 2013 (that started this blog) and had a different kink for 28 straight days!  Last year because of family health issues we had to slack off, but this year it's back on!

But Sexuary isn't about how many days in a row, it's about connecting with your partner.  It's about communication.  It's about opening up to new ideas and trying them.  It's about exceeding the ordinary.  To some of you that would mean you'll have sex in Sexuary. Yeap, even once would be a struggle.  For some of you, it would mean you too will try to hit 28 straight days (or 31 if you want to try for a REAL month).  It's about getting out of your comfort zone and seeing that there is more out there then what you have.  We've decided to pick sex toys as the way to do those things this year.

Again, Jackie and I have decided to focus on 'add-ons' this year.  You know those things that take good and make them great.  Those OMG did we really just do THAT?  We'll let you know what we've found out about sex toys and with any luck get some great feedback on what you the readers have learned about sex toys.  Ever gotten one home that looked great in the package only to find out it's a dud?  We'll tell you what we do to prevent that. We'll talk about caring for them.  We'll talk about the different types of toys we have and have had (oh the THOUSANDS of dollars we've spent on sex toys is pretty amazing).  We'll also talk about some very inexpensive, or things around your house, things that you can use in the bedroom to make a session better.  So it's something we have a passion for and wanted to share this year.

So we hope to see you on Facebook, if not check back here regularly throughout Sexuary for updates....just 5 days and counting!!!

Dane

PS..This is Jackie...come on Sexuary...I just can't wait to see whats in store..

Men Are So Visual - Communication

So just like anyone else we have peaks and ruts, and sometimes those ruts become valleys.  We work on sex all the time, and even in our vigilance we wind up in our 'safe', 'regular' and 'easy' routine when we're not watching.  It happens even to guys like us who will go a month straight with a different kink every day, so I know it happens to everyone.  Well one of the best things about Jackies and my relationship is that we can talk to the other person when we see this happening.  Honestly it generally starts out with a letter from one of us to the other.  We're not trying to be confrontational, we're trying to be informative.  "Hey babe, have you notice our sex is sucking lately? I know we have a lot on the plate, and I'm not pulling my end either, so can we work on it?" Ok, not the letter I sent, but honestly that's what it boiled down to this week.

Well after talking it through and talking about some of the underlying issues we both were facing, we both agreed that we needed to get this back as a priority.  It helps both of us.  Self esteem.  Our relationship.  Remembering that we're a couple/team, and we'll get through any of this.  That intimacy is necessary for our success.

If you haven't noticed, I love being nude, I love Jackie being nude, I love nudity.  When I met Jackie she would put something on even if we were the only 2 in the house.  Last night after our kid went to bed Jackie was nude and in her Lazy-Boy in the living room.  She's come a long way and I love it.  I love watching my wife move around nude, and would hide everything in her closet so she'd have to stay that way if I could get away with it.  I love the site of flesh.  BUT with all that said I don't know a man alive who doesn't appreciate the effort when a woman tries to 'dress for the occasion'.  Jackie has lots of sexy attire, Teddys, panty and bra combinations, dresses that look hot on her, etc, etc..  But she doesn't wear them because, 'you're just going to rip them off and I'll be naked'.  *sigh*  She's right to some extent.  The visual when she does something sexy like that is such a turn on I have a hard time (ok, maybe some pun intended) not just ripping them off, tossing her on the bed and having my way with her.  But the point is she did look that sexy that drove me nuts to get me to that point, I can't help it if my accelerator gets stuck wide open when I see her all seXXXy and I know it's because she's trying to turn me on.  It works!!  

Trust me, I know it's effort, but isn't that part of the deal?  We all have to put forth effort to make our relationships work. 

So this week Jackie went to work.  She got herself ready while I was gone to work, and started sending pictures.  Oh my!!!  The stocking picture alone had me ready to get home as quick as I could.  And when I got home there was this beautiful woman laying on our bed all HOT and seXXXy and waiting to be attacked.  I took me a few minutes to take in the entire package that laid there to be unwrapped. I even had the presence of mind to take a few pictures before we got into it to far.  OMG, from head to toe she was hot, and she did all that for me. She was wearing high heel black shoes which she never wears, ever.  Stockings, silky and tigh high.  Matching panties.  A black corset that she managed to get in by herself.  Talk about climbing out of a rut quickly.

Jackie went right for the jugglers in a way she knows works, because she knows men are visual creatures, and she knows what I like.  It was very hot, and more than I was hoping for. I on the other hand used ever ounce of control not to rip them right off and take her right then.  The sex was fantastic. Both times.

So the moral of the story?  First as always communication is key to everything.  If you can't talk to each other I don't know what you really have.  If you get defensive when your partner is just trying to point out that there is an issue, there is a problem.  You have to be able to work through things.  You have to be able to talk and agree to make things better.  You have to be able to get through what happened back when so that today can work for you as a couple, and move up out of those ruts.  Jackie didn't get mad when I sent her that letter.  She took it for what it was intended, "we" needed (that's both of us) to work on this issue.  She took the first step in that decision and what a hell of a first step.

Second, just because we like something doesn't mean we don't appreciate a break from it.  Like I said, I LOVE nudity, but I love that Jackie took the time to look extra hot for me. Bottom line men are visual creatures and something like this works for us.

In a rut?  Talk to your significant other,let them know you've noticed and ready to do something about it with them.  Oh and while you're at it, it's October already, so start thinking about themes for Sexuary coming up. No seriously have fun and start planning for Sexuary.  Make it so special that the planning up to it will be just as much fun as the getting there.  That will help keep those ruts our of your bed and sex life.

Dane

Nude Beach - Hippie Hollow

So this weekend Jackie and I were invited to "Another Birthday in the Buff" at Hippie Hollow in Austin.  Now before I go much further you need to know a couple of things.

1) I'm a nudist anyway.  If the kids are gone I'm naked.  I've been that way since high school where I was always the first one with my cloths off and in the lake. If you come over unannounced to my house and there are no kids here, you're liable to find us naked.  I love the feeling of being naked and it doesn't matter if it's inside or outside I'm good with it.
2) Jackie and I have considered going to other nude establishments, particularly River Ranch in San Antonio.  Had the staff been a bit more polite when we called we might of been hanging out there 2 years ago.
3) Jackie is a typical woman who doesn't see all the beauty I see in her nakedness, but has come a LONG ways over the last 8 or 9 years.  She now enjoys being naked when the kids are away from home too.  This is huge from when I first met her. But she still worries about being naked around other people.

But invitations were received and much to my surprise Jackie said she'd seriously think about it.  A friend of hers whom she mentioned the bash too encouraged her, and told her she and her husband use to go all the time to Hippie Hollow, and that we should go.  So with Jackie on board we were set and off we went.  The only down side was we had previously committed to something back home (over an hour and a half away) for 6, so we wouldn't get to stay for the whole party, or for that matter very long.

Mother Nature provided a beautiful day for the bash, and after making our way down the rocky, hilly trail we met up with the birthday girl and some of her friends.  It took me about 2 minutes, only because I was helping set things up, for me to be naked and enjoying myself.  Ahhhh wind blowing through my....ahhh...legs, and arms, and everything else dangling around. I'd say hair, but there's just not enough there to blow through anymore.

Of course we took precautions and sprayed down with suntan lotion.  Hey, some of those parts rarely see sun and there was no reason to be burnt there later.  With a beer in hand we headed down to the water and while it was cool to get in, you quickly warmed up.

Now Jackie wasn't quite as adventurous.  She did get a bit skimpy with her top and bottoms but wasn't ready for the whole naked experience.

And bam, before we knew it, it was time to leave. With sad faces saying hello/goodbye to everyone just showing up we packed up and headed home. Even with all that I got 90 minutes or so of hanging out a-la-natural and was pretty happy. 

So Sunday morning I made the comment that I wish we lived closer to the beach, I'd love to dig my feet into the sand.  The swim in the lake just put that in me and I wanted more water time. I figured sometime that day we'd go to the pool and enjoy some water.  Well Jackie, much to my surprise, suggest we head back to Hippie Hollow.  When I finished the chore I was doing I asked her if she was serious, and told her I really wasn't suggesting that but would be ok if we went.  She was and we did. 

We took 1/2 the stuff we took the day before.  I'm really not sure how some of the folks get all that gear down the hill.  They should rent pack mules to help people out.  But with only the essentials we found a good spot, and we settled down and the cloths just fell off.  This time Jackie was topless so I made sure she was well lotioned so nothing would burn. We spent about 3 1/2 hours in and out of the water.  During that time we made some observations:

1) There were all kinds there.  I think every age from 18 - 80 were represented.  Additionally there were skinny and plump, tall and short, shaved, trimmed, and all natural men and women.  There were couples and singles.
2) While clothing is optional we saw it all.  Most are nude or close to it.  Almost all the men I'd say were nude.  About 60% the women were nude, give or take a bit.  Those that weren't nude for the most part wore bottoms and went topless.  But even with all that there were those with more on.  There were some that were in bra and panties.  There were some with shirts and bottoms on.  And regardless of what you wore everyone seemed to be treated respectfully.  Nobody was ridiculed for what they did or didn't wear, being fat and naked or in a 2 piece that would be whispered about as you walked on most public beaches.  These were real people just chilling out and having fun.
3) This group was friendly.  On Saturday we only knew 1 person to start with, the birthday girl.  But within minutes were were friends with everyone talking about Sexuary and our fetish list.  On Sunday we had a group just start talking to us and chatting away.  I guess when there's nothing to be pretentious about we're just all equal....naked...and in the water.  So it was a very friendly group.

And while I'd be lying if I said we didn't notice some of the attractions (both male and female) that were there, it really wasn't about sex.  We weren't picking up someone from here.  We weren't checking out some gal/guy to bring home with us.  We admired some beautiful bodies, some great tattoos, and even made note of some tan lines that were obviously missing.

I also made note of some pretty cool floating devices and the different ways people carried all their gear down the hillside for the day.

I think Jackie felt better about herself when it was all said and done, and me? I got to spend a weekend with Jackie and her body which I love to death, and to the fortune of others I'm sure there were a couple of guys/gals who got a good look at her too, lucky devils they were.  And it was a weekend outside naked which I'll take anytime.    

Dane

PS - Didn't do anything for my birthday this year, and since it's in the early spring (not the best time for this type of activity) we were thinking about a 1/2 year birthday bash for me in September.  It was Jackies idea, so who knows what might happen.


Jackie here, its been crazy around here lately.  We really needed an adult get away, so when the invitation came across, while I wasn't suprised on getting invited I was more suprised at my even thinking about it.  I am more comfortable getting naked around Dane and really like the "exhibitionist" side of me.  To go out and be naked knowingly infront of people when I wasn't sure there was enough liquid encouragement out there.  So here we were invited to a naked birthday party...A NAKED birthday party...My first reaction was er ummmm well this is my kids teacher...do I really want them to see me naked? Do I want to cross that line...I mean come on, when you get naked in front of someone it kinda takes the relationship to a different level...Would I be able to see these people in public knowing they have seen my tits and pussy? I just wasn't ready for that.... So I agreed to think about it...I wasn't sure about it.  I talked to another good friend about it, she really pumped my spirit up about it, heck she is a very conservative person and for her to say she used to go, totally blew my mind, so I agreed.  I was not sure how naked I would get though, I went through my closet and was prepared to just wear my bathing suit bottoms and a bra. Saturday afternoon came, I couldn't find the bra so I settled on my bathing suit. So off we went. I was so nervous...How do I look at person, how do I act, damn I don't wanna gawk at the nakedness around me..I had over an hour to think about it. An hour is a make it or break amount of time.  I had about decided to lose the shirt but once there and all I saw were little bodies with perky little boobs, I wasn't sure anyone would want to see, me a plus size woman with saggy boobs, so I decided to leave the swim suit on.  I did at least pull straps down but that was it.  I was fine with myself and even being there was a HUGE step for me. On saturday we had to leave early for another get together so we headed out after about 2 hours.

Sunday rolled around and Dane made the comment that he wished we lived closer to the lake.  I agreed then suggested going back to Hippy Hollow. I think he was pretty surprised when I made the suggestion.  He knew we had a good time but he was surprised that I said lets go again! So this time we loaded up lightly, and I decided if I was going to do it this would be the day, so to prepare myself I didn't even wear a swimsuit, I just wore a tshirt, no bra, and my swimsuit bottoms.  WE got there and I bit the bullet, I took my shirt off and had Dane spray me down, wouldn't want burn.
We spent most of the afternoon there, drinking a few, enjoying each others company, getting used to being around naked bodies.  I still have to go to there a few more times before I am totally comfortable, but I can't wait to go again.  It was a lot of fun, and can't wait for more memories..
Jackie

10000 Views and Review of OurSexuary Blog

Well today was a benchmark day for our blog.  While this blog was never about the number of views we got, it's pretty cool when something you are doing is being enjoyed by so many.  Today we hit over 10,000 visitors.  Thanks for everyone who reads our blog and especially those who have subscribed to it.  We've tried to make it an honest and open discussion on our sexual encounters, especially those things that might fall well into the kink zone by 'normal' standards. 

So what have we seen? 

First of all the anal post are a hit.  Combined the Anal Fisting post on November 14, 2013 is the most popular, with Anal, Fisting, Toys (Day 3) and Anal, Dildos, Fisting all in the top 5 most viewed blogs.  Guess my ass getting reamed and how we've accomplished it was more interesting than I thought it would be. Since then we've gone bigger and I can honestly say a fist is by no means the biggest things Jackie has put in my ass.  

 

The Dildo on the far left is Jackies strap-on, almost as big as the fist dildo.  The second one over...now that's a monster. This Deep Dickin Derek 12 Inch Dildo has a head stretches my ass more than any other thing ever has.  Over 3" across and over 2 lbs of 'cock' feels amazing as Jackie abuses my poor ass.  The black Doc Johnson Anal Plug is also 3" across at the base and is not going to just slip out of any ass.   The rest...well those are either warm ups or just for funs. Though I have to say Jackie has gotten pretty damn good using that paddle on me. She can make my ass sting all day with her swats.  Hurts so good!!!  (for reference the toys are laying on a full size ironing board).

So what else are people interested in?  Swingers Club / Couple Swap is also in the top 5.  It was a less than stellar night for us in our first couple / couple swap.  But it was an honest accounting of the nights events and the emotions that we went through that night.

Last on the top 5?  The Calendar and Fetish List, it was basically what started the blog.  Our 28 days of kinky sexperiment for Sexuary was a challenge to select.  The list of kinks was almost overwhelming, and then to narrow it down to 28 different things to try?  It was daunting.  But we did it and Sexuary was on!!! Not our first Sexuary, but definitely our most challenging.  If you want to know about different kinks this list is as complete a list of kinks as I've ever seen.  We combined several list to cum (pun intended here) with one big kinky list.

So keep sharing our links, giving us feedback, asking questions.  We'll be honest about anything we've tried sexual, and without a doubt we've done a heck of a lot more than most...for good and bad. We've learned not to judge for someones kink, though not all kinks are for us.  But even the ones not for us doesn't mean we can't appreciate them, or understand most of them (though some are a bit beyond our understanding).

Thanks for the 10,000 visits!!!

Dane

Using Imagination

So there are something that I like the idea of but know will never happen.  I love the idea of tattoos, but don't see it happening on me.  Now Jackie has several, so it's not an anti-tattoo thing, it's a personal thing.  I would love to see some intimate piercings for Jackie, but don't really see that happening (though it could).  The idea of a dog involved in our sexcapeds intrigues both Jackie and I.  But I never see us getting to that point.  Those are just a few examples of things we've pillow talked about but haven't and probably won't act upon them.  But that doesn't mean we ignore them. 

One of the things we've learned is that our imagination is the best aphrodisiac there is.  We can pretend to do things and sometime improvise so that we have the sensations of without actually 'going there' and yet our minds will let us pretend it's so.

For example, there are dildos that will 'blow up' inside of you that will act like a dogs knot.  Non piercing nipple rings allow Jackie to go out on the town with dangling jewelry on her nipples.    Fake tattoos allow me to be a 'bad boy' for the evening.  Most of these things take planning on your part to make them happen.  But when you've not done your homework there is still the power of suggestion. 

With eyes closed and your partner 'walking your through' something you can feel those sensations just as if they were happening.  Allow your imagination run wild and you get the sexual satisfaction from the talking your partner is doing. 

And if you're alone, then you can be with anyone or anything if you'll allow your mind to open up and accept it.  Maybe you're tapping your ass with a finger as you feel someone take you there.  Maybe your wet hands are that blow job from the girl next door....just let your imagination run wild. 

Dane

Touching

So this Sexuary Jackie and I have talked about a few things.  Because of family health issues Jackie will only be around about 1/2 the month, so Sexuary 2014 will not be repeated, and no 28 days of kink that Sexuary 2013 was.  So we've struggled a bit with what to do.  The theme from www.welcometomybrain.net is "me" which has been a bit more appropriate than expected with Jackie being gone taking care of her mom.

But we have talked, and in our discussions Jackie wanted more 'touch' days.  Last year we did a scene where I blindfolded Jackie and then used her sense of touch to create a very erotic scene (read here).  It was a very good scene for us and one we've repeated with variations several times over the year.  That sense of touch is very powerful, especially when it's unexpected. 

So one of the things Jackie and I will be working on this month is touching.  Different places..... different textures...... different temperatures....... different positions while touching ...all working on the sensation that just allows you to feel. 

For the first day of Sexuary I happened to be up with her.  The kids were gone so I made the trip and got us a hotel room.  When coming out of the shower I noticed the bottle of lotion.  I snagged it and brought it to the bed without her noticing it.  So when we started playing I used it to give her a mini massage.  When I went to enter her I went a way I rarely go and it gave a different feeling for both of us.  By the spot in the bed and the muffled screams from Jackie I'd say it was a success. 

Oh I have plans for several other days of touching this month.  Pieces of soft material, ice, candles, clothes pins, maybe even a paddle or two.  All very different sensations, all very happy results when it comes to our bedroom.  But most take a few minutes of planning to pull them off.  I know Jackie deserves that from me, doesn't your partner deserve that from you?

Hope Sexuary is going well for you!  Do something different.  Do something out of your box.  Do something that will surprise the hell out of your partner and make a memory.

Dane

PS - for me, I've purchased a few toys that I can't wait for Jackie to use on me. Oh my shuddering just thinking about them. 

One for "Me"

So as we start out Sexuary I want to put out there one of the 'me' things that I've come to grips with.  I'm male, and I love anal.  Yes I love giving anal, and the feel of taking Jackie for a 'backyard BBQ' will send me over the top every time, but that's not what I'm talking about.  I've allowed myself to admit that having something up my ass is ....exhilarating....breath taking...multi-orgasmic....unfucking believable.

Over the last year or so I've over come the negatives of a man wanting something anal.  Let's face it, most guys would just tell you they're not 'gay' and 'don't touch my ass, that's gay'.  HA! The joke is on them.  They have no clue what it means to have their prostate rubbed from the inside.

I don't remember exactly how it started with Jackie and I.  I know I've always had some interest in anal play, but normally I left that for me getting to claim the woman.  But I remember once while Jackie was playing she hit my perineum (that little pea size ball between your sack and the base of your cock) and I came so hard it wasn't even funny.  I'd never experienced anything like that.  It wasn't long after that we were playing and she fingered my ass and found my prostate for the first time.  I think it's the first time I've ever said that was enough.  I had multiple orgasms that were so intense I thought I was going to pass out if she didn't stop.  I was sold on anal play from that moment on.  But there was still a naggling tug that it wasn't right.  It was wrong for me to like anal.

So last Sexuary we went to an extreme.  If possible, and honestly after a couple of test runs we honestly weren't sure, I wanted to be fisted.  We had purchased a life size hand dildo and an anal plug that was every bit as round as the hand but had never gotten either of them inside of me.  During Sexuary I was determined that if it could happen I was going to feel that fullness from fisting.  Jackie said I had to mentally let go first.  I'm not sure how much of that is true, but she's probably right, mentally I had to let that hand slip into my ass before it would physically go in.

Almost every day for a week Jackie attempted to fist me...then on that wonderful day it made it past the barriers and I was once again in heaven.  It was heaven, with the added benefit of afterwards for hours my whole body had a calm, peaceful, unbelievable feeling of tranquility.  It took us a couple more months and Jackie was actually able to get her fist (definitely a bit larger than the dildo, though not toooo much), inside of me.  A real fisting with a real hand.  A new level reached.  A new level of peace.

So where am I going here?  Well it's about 'me'.  You see if I listened to everyone else I probably never would of tried all the anal I have.  Without it I never would have had the best orgasms of my life!  Nothing has ever made me cum harder or more often than anal.  I've been blessed to have a wife that will indulge me in my 'kink'.  It's not her thing, but she knows that I need things and this is one she does for 'me'.  Ok, I think it's a bit more her thing now then when we started, but it will never be 'her' thing.

So what's your thing?  What is that one thing you have wanted for yourself that maybe you were afraid to ask about?  Or something you like but never get?  It doesn't have to be sexual, maybe it's an hour to yourself to meditate or work out at the gym.  Maybe it's a book you've always wanted to read.  For me, it's some fun sex things. ;) Why would those other things be part of Sexuary?  If you can't feel good about yourself, if you can't do the things you want, if you can't be happy where you are, then there is no way you can be happy with a mate, with your children, with yourself. I know I'm more relaxed and more satisfied now that I've allowed myself this. 

Dane

PS, want more on Sexuary 2014?  Head to www.welcometomybrain.net

Sexuary 2014

So the start to Sexuary 2014 is here.  It's to be the last official Sexuary for welcometomybrain.net and Christine has posted the theme and thoughts for this years Sexuary.  You can read her blog post here.

I'm struggling here a bit to be honest.  I've been thinking about it.  "me" is where I started my sexual journey as most young boys do.  "me" is the selfishness inside that says "hey, what about me?" "me" is the thing I've tried to let go of over the last 10 years as Jackie and I have struggled through the ups and downs of our relationship, especially our sex lives.  There is no doubt even though I'm almost 10 years senior to Jackie, my sexuality is far more open, for more outreaching, and honestly can be far more selfish than hers.  My kinko meter barely registers when hers is off the scale.  My sexual wants are 100x what hers is.  I would say I was born 10 years to late, but not even the 60's would fit me properly.  Maybe I was born 20-30 years to early, ahead of the times with some of the things that reel me in and turn me on. 

And don't get me wrong, Jackie is no prude.  Hell a 'normal' wife would of just called me a pervert and kicked me out.  Anyone reading this blog knows that what Jackie and I have done just over the last year is more that most couples would do in a lifetime together, and that's just what we've told you about.

And yet...........

......There is parts of me that I have boxed up, strapped with duct tape, bound with chains and thrown away the keys to keep sanity at hand.  Oh they are there.  I hear them pounding in the cellars deep below.  They echo up the stairwell calling out to be release at times.  Periodically I let Jackie glimpse into the cellar, though rarely does the corner of a box get opened.  She knows those boxes lay down there, it's not a secret, but still  I do my best to ignore them.

When life gets in the way, selfishness of 'me' comes boiling up and screams in my head.  It happens.  Just this month due to circumstance well beyond anyone's control it has been screaming.  Oh the arguments they scream.  It's even easy to believe them at times.  

And again.....

.....I've learned that there HAS to be 'me' in or there can not be an 'us'.  While the sum of the 2 can far out 'be' what the individual parts can 'be', when the individuals are on full power....and while one of a pair can sometimes pull the other out of a funk, remind them when their self vision is being clouded by life or the current situation...nothing but nothing can cure 'me' like me!  If I don't take care of myself, physically, mentally, and even making sure my sexual needs are met, there is no way I can be healthy. 

I've learned that sometimes I need time to myself.  Sometimes that's not just a couple of hours, but a couple of days.  And it's ok to need and take that time. 

I've learned that I can ask Jackie to consider to go through the dusty boxes and find something she'd be willing to consider, just because 'me' needs some special care. Those boxes are who I am, and THAT'S OK! Jackie can always say no, though more than likely she'll just alter it enough to be comfortable if she needs to, but even she's come to realize that is who I am, and it's ok to be me! 

I've learned that if my BP is 180/100 or my blood sugar is 380 then I can't be my best at anything.  And that while 'working out' isn't my thing, the benefits of just 3 days a week on a treadmill is me showing love for myself as my BP drops to 120/80 and my blood sugar drops to 110.  It's a love that 'me' can only give myself.  No one else can give it to me.

So what's my goals for Sexuary 2014, the year of 'me'?  I don't know to be honest.  I've spent a lot of time on 'me' over the years, so I'll have to dig deep to come up with something. I've still got a week left, so I'm sure I'll figure out something, but it's going to be a bit of a struggle..after all when you talk about 'me' you have to be honest with yourself or you're just blowing smoke up everyone's (and your own) ass.  Which might be ok if that's your kink, but thinking for Sexuary it's not exactly what was intended.  Stay tuned ...answers to come.

Dane

101 Kinky Ideas

I was working on a project and when I did I came across this website, 101 Ultra Kinky Ideas.  Ok, in my realm of kinky it's really pretty mild, but I wanted to share it with you because of it mildness of kink.  Some of you want to have a bad side, but you either don't know how to get started, afraid to get started or just don't want to go to deep.  This site has 101 relatively 'mild' kinky things you and your partner can do.  OK, some of them are a bit more kinky than others, but some of them even the most novice of kinksters can handle.

http://bites-and-bruises.tumblr.com/post/1001496573/101-ultra-kinky-ideas

Sexuray is only a bit more than a month away.  Because of family health issues it definitely will not be a month of hot steamy monkey sex for Jackie and I.  We've not figured out exactly what we'll be doing, but it will be something.  Are you looking forward to Sexuary?  Are you planning on doing SOMETHING for Sexuary?

For those new to this blog it was started from a Sexuary challenge posted on www.welcometomybrain.net to make some difference in your sex life during the month of February, affectionately known as "Sexuary".  If you have monthly sex, then a second or third time that month might be your Sexuary.  If you're a 3 time a weeker, then maybe it's going out of your way to bring in some new excitement to the bedroom.  Maybe your partner has had some desires and you've always been to hesitant to try them, maybe Sexuary is your time to overcome your anxiety and give it a try.

So give it a try, go through that list.  If I counted right Jackie and I have done 60 of the things on the list, so we still have 41 more to go. Always more joy to come in the bedroom...or where ever else you might want to try it.

Dane

Anal Fisting

So in February after several days Jackie was able to get our toy fist into me.  It took time and patience, and LOTS of lube, but damn it was incredible and I loved it. Shortly after that she was able to get the large butt plug in me.  Since then we've tried several times to get her fist in me.  We'd work up step by step, and it would get close, but it just seemed like it wasn't going to happen.  A real hand doesn't squish quite the same way the dildo hand squished.  I'd get all the way up to the widest part of Jackies fist but it just wouldn't go.  But today it just slide right in.  OMFG it was incredible.  It was the biggest thing ever in my ass and I loved it. 

We started in February and 9 months later we finally were able to cross that last bit.  I wanted to share though what we've been through and and what all we've done to get here, because to be honest I was really beginning to think it would never happen.

First of all a good lube is necessary.  We got off all the liquid lubes and went to a cream style. We personally use "Elbow Grease Cream" and it seems to do better.  It doesn't dry out as fast as water based lubes and that's very important.  Jackie repeatedly adds lube throughout the session.  We lube up the toys and we lube up her hand along with my ass.  I can't stress enough that there is never to much lube.

Second, while we've not played every week, we have play at least once a month in a 'stretching' session.  It really did seem like once we got to a point, if we kept it up at least once a month we could get back to that point.  So once the hand dildo got in, we were able to repeat that every time since.  So keeping it up and 'training' my ass to relax that much was important I think.  Remember a fist is not just going to slide into your ass.  That's a huge stretch that it's not made for.  So be patient, but keep pushing.  Every time you get a bit closer.

Third, I'm sure there are other ways, but we have a slew of toys that 'work me up' to the real thing.  We start small and keep getting larger and larger till we get it in.  I lay the toys out pictured above, and Jackie starts with the small purple one and works her way up one dildo at a time.  By the time we get to the big ones I've been worked up pretty good.  The hand goes in and then she'll go with the big butt plug.  By then it feels like the smaller plug going in.  But if we were to try starting big it would just rip me.

So there you have it, lube, keep trying regularly, and work into it being patient.  Oh the benefits?

Well first of all I never precum like when Jackie is playing like that.  I'll leave a spot on the sheets for certain.  But then there are the 'dry' orgasms.  I've read about them, but the only time I've ever experienced them is when Jackie is playing with my ass. Something about having that prostate rubbed from the inside that just sets me off. I'll cum, and if you'd ask me at the time I'd tell you I was shooting a load and a half of cum, but in reality there is no cum, but the orgasms are just as real.  They are incredible and long lasting and I can cum like that 4 or 5 times in a session.  Oh, and when we stop that and I finish in Jackie that load it 2x it's normal size.  Just freaking incredible.

The one thing that's always surprised me is that I know I should be walking with a limp or something after an ass reaming like that.  I don't.  Within a few minutes I'm ....well I know something has been there, but it's not painful or discomforting.  And within an hour or so it's almost non existent.  

I did think to have Jackie take a picture of her hand inside of me...I'll spare you, but it's been a great enjoyment to be able to glance at it and grin.  Oh my the memories it floods back.  Not sure if we'll try anything bigger...though Jackie mentioned something about a huge dildo ...hey, I'm game for trying.  Don't know how far I'll get but I'll try it...several times if it feels good. But I can assure you that will not be the last time Jackies hand will be deep in my ass.

On a totally different note, it's already mid November.  I'm not sure what we'll be doing for Sexuary this year, but it's about time for Jackie and I to start our monthly planning. As I've shared here before the planning is 1/2 the fun!  Figure out something you and yours want to try...plan it..make it happen.  You've got 2 1/2 months and Sexuary will be here.  The anticipation and planning sessions could be some of the best sex of your lives, so go for it!

Dane

Swinging...another try

So back in Sexuary...I mean February we had our first swapping experience (http://tinyurl.com/kxnezqb).  It didn't go quite as expected.  A couple of things went wrong, and bottom line is that we left in a very frustrated and 'mental' state from that event.

But Jackie and I did talk about it and when it was all said and done she, on her own, came back and said she'd do it again, but we'd probably be a bit more cautious next time. Remember we've swung with individuals several times before, just never with another couple. And the whole swinging thing was Jackies' idea to start with, I just gave the go ahead.  So it's not like Jackie wasn't a willing participant. 

So we got a message from a couple a couple of hours away.  The day before we were to meet Jackie pulled her back out. We did manage to meet for dinner, but we knew playing was off the table that night.  And while it took a bit, we all seemed to sync up.  We stayed till the restaurant was closed and parted ways with another date set to play.

After one cancellation, we were able to get together.  It went much better.  After a couple of hours of talking we moved to the bed and  played.  It was a first for Jackie having a woman in bed with her and a first for us having couples on the same bed (last time we were in separate rooms). It was definitely a different experience for both of us.

We're still processing some of it. I know I enjoyed some of the variety.  While it doesn't surprise me, it's still a bit to get use to another womans .....hmmmm.... idiosyncrasies.  I know what makes Jackie tick, and while that varies from day to day, I know basically what she likes so can always make sure she's taken care of.  So it's different trying to figure out what works with another woman, and yet, that's part of the fun of it.

I do think guys are easier to please...warm and wet are basically what we are looking for, if you can add a boob or two to suck on while we're at it then that just makes it better.

By the time the other couple left it was late and we didn't stay awake to long, but we did get to talk about it some the next day as we spent the day together.  Jackie wasn't stressed like last time.  Nervous yes, but not stressed.  And she wasn't all full of anxiety when we left like last time.  She slept well.

So sometimes some things just don't work the way you planned.  Our first time was a prime example.  But that didn't mean we gave up on it.  It just means we learned and moved forward. But most importantly we talked about it and made sure both of us were good with it all.

Dane


So this is our second try at swinging...let me say I had such a negative first try it was seriuosly hard to try again.  In fact I had to keep telling myself, do not have a melt down, do not have a melt down, it will be ok, if its not its ok to say no...do not have melt down...This went through my head a 1000+ times that night.

Went this Couple a few weeks ago via a website we belong to.  Dane chatted with them off and on for a while before we even met.  We met up with them at a resturant and sat around, ate and drank that night.  There was NO playing since I was in no condition to even think about it.  I had pulled my back out, and even to this day am still having issues with it.   So we set up the next meeting, that had to cancel as well.  So 3rd try is a charm...

Dane and I had gone out to eat before they came to town and I had had two glasses of liquid encouragment. We then went back to the hotel waiting on them.  Keep in mind I am still trying NOT to freak out.  I even talked to  them about the last time.  They needed to know.  We sat around drinking some more for a couple of hours then began to play.  I was still really nervous, its like Dane said you know what your own partner likes and doesn't like, its very hard to know what the new person does.  It was also my first time being with another woman.  It was enjoyable but I know I am not switching sides anytime soon.  I am still not very comfortable with going down on a woman but I am ok with her going down on me. 

Its was a fun time with all of us.  I ended the night with my hubby, the one I am supposed to be with.  The one whose scent still calms my nerves. So while it was fun, and enjoyable, there is no one that can replace the intimate feeling with my hubby.  Will we play again, maybe or maybe not.  I am not closed at it but its off my "bucket" list, so not sure I want to chance the good time with another bad time. 

Jackie

Neked Weekend

So part of Sexuary is making time for your partner.  It's been a struggle for Jackie and I lately.  Oh don't get me wrong we've made time to be intimate and a some time to ourselves, but we haven't really had that extra time alone where we can communicate...catch up...share without disruption...just take a nap together.

So against all odds, with work piles a mile high, we made plans to get away for a weekend and hide from the world.  We have a little cottage we like to visit.  It's secluded, it's private, it has a jacuzzi on the enclosed back porch, and it's 1/2 a mile from a great little Texas town we love to visit.

Friday - Monday we lived in a little heaven on Earth.  Every day we'd get dressed for about 2 - 3 hours and go to town, eat a meal or two...went wine tasting picking up many bottles of wine we enjoy...picked up $100 worth of hand made specialty chocolates that Jackie loves....and that's it! Nothing more.  Ok, we did consider going to a play, but since it was sold out all weekend we didn't.

The rest of the weekend?  We were neked.  We read.  We ******.  We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We slept.  We ****** some more.. We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We ate.  We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We read some more.  We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We ****** some more.  We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We slept.  We woke up and started all over again. Neked the entire time except for the couple of hours we went to town.

It was exactly the kind of weekend we needed!!!  We had no kids.  No troubles.  No worries.  No stress.  No anything we didn't want.

We talked about anything and everything.

We caught up with each other.

We relaxed and caught up on physical rest we both needed badly.

We made time for each other.

Look, Sexuary is about getting with your partner in a finite period of the month and make extra special efforts to communicate with your partner, and hopefully the sexual aspect will improve accordingly.  But if you wait till 2/1/2014 to make the extra effort then your relationship is not going to grow and blossom.  Jackie and I hated that we waited as long as we did, but before we let it get to a point it would effect our marriage we made something happen.

You don't have to go to the extreme of a 4 day neked weekend, but do something, especially if it's been a while.  Figure out a day to head off by yourselves.  Take a walk in the woods.  Plan a picnic.  Go out to a lake for the day.  But do something that the 2 of you can do and you can get close and be together.  Ever booked a hotel room in your own town?  We have, just to get away for a night in someplace different for us.  Plan a day of events (shopping, movie, lunch and dinner, walk though the mall - together). Doesn't have to cost a fortune, does have to be personal where your partner is #1, not the TV, not the cell phone, not Facebook, not your email!

Make today another Sexuary day!

Dane