I am now part owner in Texas Kink Fest. This is a long weekend of kink centrist classes, demonstrations, and performances. It's a great place to learn more about the things you already like and enjoy, to find new things you might like, and to watch some incredible performers. It's also great to be in a group of like minded individuals that are nonjudgmental. As part of our desire to expand horizons, we wanted to find some Tantra instructors, something we lacked in years past, but felt like it would be well accepted. In doing so I found Monique Darling, and her Every Day Tantra. After looking at a couple of events she had listed in our area (she travels all around the world, so catch her when you can), and got our tickets.
We were excited as we got there, not knowing what we were getting into. Not know how long it would take us to get to the location, and we arrived about 30 minutes early. We went in and were able to assist the in setting up some. We didn't know anyone there, so was a bit odd at first, as we would be at any event of this nature the first time. Everyone was extremely friendly and definitely did their best to welcome us.
Now is where I have to tell you about my follies. First I had been talking to Monique about Tantra, and was thinking that this house party was Tantra centrist. As you might have notices by the title, this was a Primal party. Now we had heard of Primal. One of our ropers we use to learn from was into Primal, and he had explained a few things about it, but while we were expecting "ohhhhh" and "ahhhhh" we were not expecting growling and howling. It took us both a bit by surprise when we realized my mistake pretty quickly. As we got into an opening circle it became quickly apparent this was not what we were expecting. (Side note: Primal is a whole section of kink, that definitely we will look more into)
I attempted to buy into it some, trying to get into the place of where they were at, as odd as it seemed to me, having never been exposed to anything Primal before, but was starting to get into it a bit, but it set Jackie off. Jackie went into a dark place pretty quickly. The more I tried to get into it, the more I was pulled out of it with my concern for Jackie. About 15 minutes into it I took Jackie outside for a bit to calm her down. I was ready to leave if she was, and all would be good. She assured me she wanted to stay, so we went back in and joined the group again to finish up the opening circle.
That didn't last long and before long we were back outside and I was trying to calm Jackie back down. Finally I made the decision she wouldn't and decided we were leaving. While sitting there trying to calm Jackie down, I realized more of my follies. First Jackie was in a very bad place with her job. She felt her work had screwed her, and wanted out. She hadn't found a replacement yet, so was living with a major pay cut and a demotion she didn't want because the previous project she was on had closed and there were no openings at her current pay/position within the company. It was a daily struggle for her to even make to the office in the house to work for her, to say she was hating work was an understatement. Second was because of medical issues, they were changing her depression medications. She was in week one of the change, and if anyone has ever gone through that, you know the first 2 - 3 weeks are difficult until things level out. Your mental state can swing fast and furious, and tonight Jackie's was.
Had I used my big head, I would of foreseen that all these issues, along with it being totally new (Primal or Tantra) would overload Jackie and not made it a great experience. I didn't, and truly regret I exposed Jackie to a bad experience because of my not considering where we were in life at that moment.
Now comes the good part. Jackie actually came home and worked through a lot of her issues with the Primal event, and through all that she has come up with a way to bring a part of that home for the 2 of us to share. She's asked me to not share details with you at this point, but let's just say that yesterday's manifestation of her idea, was fantastic and we had a great time with it.
Second, we WILL attend another event with Monique and her Every Day Tantra, and actually if we didn't have the 1st weekend in March already taken up, we'd be there for her weekend, The Lovers Essential Toolbox. I'm hoping she brings it back later this year.
Third, while at the moment, it seemed like a bad thing, out of that came a very beautiful thing. Sometime in relationships we have to go through bad spots to come out shining. Don't ever be afraid to go through those spots, as uncomfortable as they are at the time, they are 10 fold better in the end. Letting them fester instead just eats at your relationship.
So my overall take? Be mindful when you are trying new things as to where everyone is mentally. Don't think just because it seems bad at the time, it really is. Work through what went wrong when you can, and try it again if you want.
Part of OurSexuary has been to show the good, the bad, and the ugly of things. In our search for something better we hit all of them in one night. but notice we are ready to try again, and in the end it was beautiful.