Sunday, February 17, 2019

Sexuary 2019 Backyard Bar-B-Que

Years ago the blog that got us to start Sexuary (, and ultimately this blog, talked about a backyard bar-b-que.   Yeap, anal sex was the topic of the day.  Now it’s no secret that I love to be fisted.  I love things in my ass even.  But not everyone has that same burning passion (pun intended) to have their ass played with. 

The deal is I LOVE anal sex as much as I love receiving anal.  Jackie on the other hand is more so-so on it most of the time.  There are occasions over our time together she’s literally told me “fuck me in the ass NOW” and I being the loving partner that I am have obliged her. Who am I to tell her no to any request, especially a request like that?  But those request come pretty rare. And a day dedicated to anal play on Jackie is even rarer.  Those are Sexuary type days. 

So what are some of the things when it comes to anal sex for us? Well first of all we go through a lot of lube.  Nope, not enough, keep going and then add more just in case. You’ve almost got enough lube now.  A LOT of lube is require so that you don’t tear anything in there.  This isn’t a self-lubricating vagina.  And that means that my fingers are doing a lot of work before I ever enter her.  I’ll make sure not just 1 but a couple of fingers can comfortably slide in and out before I try to penetrate her.  This whole time we’re kissing or making out relaxing and getting her a bit built up. If your partner isn’t relaxed, this will never be enjoyable! 

So one of the other things Jackie likes is for us to get out one of her vibrators and she’ll play with it on her clit while I’m getting her ready.  This will help relax her and not think as much about the anal play about to happen.  Then and only then does the anticipated fun get to start. I love the feel of sliding in her ass.  Even though her vagina is extremely tight (will push me out often as she orgasms) it’s a very different feel and I’m sure the taboo and the fact it’s not every day makes it even more exciting for me. 

Now the other thing is most of the time I don’t cum right away.  And before we get to the full fledge bar-b-que I will try to be conscious and we will finish me off another way.  I want to get to visit that bar-b-que stand another day, and so don’t want to burn it to the ground. Seriously, I ask Jackie if she’s still ok often, and any hesitation I pull out and we go another route.  I get it, honestly the fisting is actually easier on the burning than the rubbing sensation for a fuck in your ass.  A hard dildo fuck on my ass will start to burn after a while, and I’ve never had that sensation with a fist in my ass.  So be considerate as to how long you’re in your partners ass.

Take aways? If you want to put some meat on the bar-b-que, make sure there is LOTs of bar-b-que sauce so it’s enjoyable for everyone, work up to it, and make sure you’re prepped a head of time, and then never over cook your meat in the pit.

Give it a try. Maybe you just play with your finger in your partners ass for a couple of days at first.  Maybe it won’t ever get there.  But if the stars align, there could be a tasty meal in your future!


Sexuary 2019 - Medication

Ok, so this one isn’t hot and sexy, but it is part of life and specifically speaks directly to our sex life.  Jackie has suffered from depression for years.  And over the years they’ve had to change her medication because the insurance would change their plan and they wouldn’t cover this or that.  Well in January we went into see the doctor for her refill checkup she told her doctor she always loved this one med, and while the ones she was on were ok, she didn’t love them. They seemed to narrow her emotions too much. Come to find out she could change back to the medication she preferred. 

Now Sexuary has rolled around, and for the first time in years Jackie is REALLY in the game.  She’s 100% with it and enjoying herself again.  She finding new things that turn her on and new ways to turn me on.  She’s with it.

In one of the groups I belong to I’ve read where a couple of the women talk about their depression and their lack of sexual desires.  These medications are made to keep your emotions in a smaller range than normal, and in doing so can, and often do, take away your sexual desires.

Hormonal imbalances can do the same thing.  About 10 years ago, we found out that Jackie’s hormones were all wacked out.   When we went to the doctor he started quoting us conversations we’d had in bed about her lack of desire almost verbatim.  Jackie almost swore I’d called the doctor and told him it was that dead on.  He pulled out his chart and said, “nope, that’s what happens when your hormones get out of wack.”  A little cream, a couple of estrogen pills, and Jackie went from no desires to raping Dane when he walked in the door.

So where am I going with all this? A couple of things, 1) if you’re on medication and you have no sex drive, talk to your doctor.  There is a chance they can change your medications and help you get that part of your life back.  2) Even if you’re not on medications, you might talk to your doctor.  They might be able to run some blood work and find out there is an imbalance that is causing some of the issues.  Believe it or not, that urge to kill your partner could be as much a medical issue as it is they are being a dumb ass. Even I have gone through bouts where high blood pressure or diabetes threw me off and when I look back realized how much it changed my personality.  Now that all that’s gone, I’m a much happier person, which makes it much easy for Jackie to want to have fun with me.

I truly believe that the lack of what I would call successful Sexuarys over the last couple of years have been at least in part because of medication.  I REALLY believe that the visit in January and the changes we made have given Jackie a lot of her life back, and before that we didn’t even realize just how much it was effecting her.  I because of that Sexuary 2019 has been a banner year for us so far, and we still have almost half a month left. 

So if you find there is no desire, no drive, maybe make that appointment and get a checkup, or talk to your doctor about the medications you are taking and ask if there is some changes you can make that might make a real difference in your world.


Sexuary 2019 - Autovampirism

So after we were playing with Thomas and Kitty one night Jackie said to me, “Thomas bit me on my thighs” and my first reaction was to get a little upset until she continued, “and I didn’t not like it.” 

With a little puzzled look on my face I asked her, “you didn’t NOT like it?”

“Nope, didn’t not like it, creamed all over his face as he did it.”

Later when I spoke to Thomas about it, he said he bit the first time and after that, she literally grabbed his head and shoved it to her thighs for him to continue the biting. 

Now we’ve played with autovampirism over the years.  It made the 2013 original calendar. And Jackie is definitely into anything vampire, but normally over the years for us, it’s been more sucking (OK, Dane is the worst hickie giver ever) or except for the back of her neck just never seemed to be a turn on.  So again the “we tried it, it was ok but…tried it again and now it rocks” is the case. 

So after the discussion the next morning we’re laying there and Jackie, who now has bruises on both thighs and a long line across her back from all the bites, tells me “stop breathing on my neck”…with a puzzled look I move a bit, but as I do I give her a little bite.  Jackie starts to cream and turns into an instant pot and is ready to boil.  After a few more bites, the sex was fantastic! I can say I really felt a bit sorry for the hotel bed and sofa.  I’d bet good money it’s never been cum on like it was that weekend ever before.

The back of Jackie’s’ neck, her breast, her ass, her thighs have all become a major playground for biting this month.  We’d know many women who have constant bruising, most of them from flogging, but we’d always wondered about the constant bruising.  Wednesday Jackie was proud of her bruises and was ready to show them off.  She gets it now.  She understand why someone would want to have bruising.  It represents the fun that happened and the pleasure/pain aspect of sex. 

So would I go and just take a huge bite out of your partner? Of course not…but I would take a nibble and see where that goes.  If you’re not rejected, try a different spot, or try a bit harder. Find the combination that works for you.  What we’ve found is that for us, Jackie has several great zones that work and work well.  I learned a new way to get her in the mood, and she’s learned that bruises can be fun.