Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Sexuary 2016 - Ben Wa Balls

Jackie and I have started out Sexuary 2016 with a big bang..and bang again...and well you get the picture, we're celebrating our sexuality and reminding ourselves that sex has to be one of those priorities in our relationship.  Let's face it life gets in the way all the time and if we allow it, before we know it the only time we use the bed is when we drag our tired asses into it to sleep.  Work, kids, stress, and money all seem to zap us of our energy and we forget that the closeness of a good sex life will actually energize us both physically and emotionally to make it through all those hard times.

This is actually Jackies and my 5th year to celebrate Sexuary!!! We'd been struggling at least in part because of some medical issues with Jackie and after she was feeling back on track we got on board with Christine Moers on her  And while she's no longer blogging on there, there is still a lot of good, honest and open information on honest and real sex questions along with a lot of life issues we all face.  But back to Jackie and I.  So 5 years ago we took the challenge to do something above and beyond what we normally do.  Maybe something that made us a bit uncomfortable in trying it, but to do it.  So we weren't the bravest, but we strove to have sex 7 days in a row.  Easy right? Yeah, not so much.  We still were lacking our communication skills and just real frankly it didn't happen.  A mere 7 days couldn't be achieved.  Year 3 was our first year to decide WE WERE GOING TO DO THIS!!!! After literally months of working together (and lots of fun in discussions) we put together "The Calendar".  It was a 28 day calendar with some different kink we either wanted to try, or might be interested in, or something we just didn't do regularly.

So what did we learn?  We learned to communicate more than we ever have.  We found out that some kinks aren't for the 2 of us.  We found we REALLY liked some others.  We found that 28 days in a row was an incredibly difficult task, but it could be done (remember all those outside factors listed above, well they didn't slack off just because we left them off the calendar).  Will we ever do it again? I don't know, but we have made it a tradition that Sexuary is a time for us to reignite our sex life and do a systems check on our relationship.  And this blog?  Well this blog was to show that men and women like you, that's ordinary next door neighbors have some of the same issues you have.  That we miscommunicate and it causes problems.  That we want to try stuff and sometimes are a bit scared of even attempting it.  That sometimes it just doesn't go anything like you'd hoped or planned.  And then there are those times that it's over the top great and you wonder why you didn't try it before!  But we're not porn stars.  We're not strippers or anything in the sex field, we're a manager and a business owner who have dreams and have been tempted to try some of the things we've read about, seen or heard about over the years.  Again, the couple next door you just didn't know was into trying anything that comes their way.

So this year, 2016, we have taken our calendar and put 15 dates down on it.  That's every other day and an extra for Valentines day.  We've put down some of our favorite things that take a little effort and spread them over the calendar this year.

Some of it might sound mundane, but it's the fact we're doing SOMETHING to make sure our sex life doesn't go stale and whither away.  And as always we're flexible if something comes up to make sure we get the most out of it all.

In our case since Jackie has started running so on Wednesday she was rather sore and so we swapped Wednesday for Friday.  But Friday is what I wanted to talk about some.  This Friday was Jackies turn to be the center of attention if  you will.  Tied up and blindfolded and different sensations from hands, cloths, metal clamps, silk, ropes and all.  It really sets Jackie off when we take the time to do all these things to her.  But yesterday I added  a new twist for her.  Ben Wa Balls.

So I've had these Ben Wa Balls for probably 40 years.  My (don't laugh) but my grandmother brought them back from Singapore and gave them to me (God bless grandma in all her ignorance of all things sexual).  They are decorative and fairly large (2").  They've sit in our toy drawer for lots of years now and never been used.  We changed that on Friday.  After lots of stimulation I lubed and inserted one in.  The second one had more issues and while it went in when it came out we left it out.  But even the one added new sensations for both of us.  While Jackie couldn't necessarily feel the one in her (she actually thought it was out) she could feel different sensations inside and from my perspective the drenching she gave me and the bed told me we definitely were on the right track.  Additionally I could feel the Ben Wa Ball massaging me when I was inside of her.  Definite win win for both of us and something we'll add in the future.

Ok, so the downside to these Ben Wa Balls?  Well as you can see there are no ropes or anything to help pull them out.  Now mind you they can't go anywhere that will harm or get stuck forever or anything, but it did take some serious effort on Jackies part to get the second one to come out.  So we might try some smaller ones (these were 2") or some with a rope between them that one of us can reach in and pull out.  

So now it's your turn.  Go do something to make this year, Sexuary 2016 better than your day to day relationship.  Make sure it's getting the nourishment it needs to not only survive, but to thrive!