Sexuary 2021 - A New Plan

 

Sometimes when you do such a great job, when you go back you're like "what the hell are we going to do to beat last year?" Well that's where Jackie and I have been over the last couple of the months while we're trying to decide what to do for Sexuary 2021.  To remind you Sexuary 2020 was a 'paincentric' month at Jackies suggestion.  We went all out to provide "pain for pleasure" in many different ways.  To say it was a successful Sexuary for us would be an understatement.  It was fantastic and we learned a lot about how pain and pleasure could be 2 sides of the very same coin.  Jackie pushed her limits and found sexual pleasures she never knew existed.  So where do you go from there? How do you beat a month that was almost 100% 'perfect' sexually?  Well we finally decided we were going to revisit, review and add some randomness to Sexuary 2021.  

So the each of us came up with 10 or more things we really wanted where Jackie was the recipient, and 4 or more for Jackie to do to me (Dane).  In all there were 36 items on my list for Jackie, and I passed on 10 things to Jackie, plus what ever she added to the list for me. We printed off those list and cut them into strips.  I filled a mason jar and Jackie put her pulls in a margarita glass (for anyone who knows Jackie, you know that's very appropriate 😁.)  The night before we'll pull 1 and that's the next days adventure.  We both added a couple of new things to each list, but left a list of 'favorites'..  Now it's up to the gods of randomness to decide what fun we have during this Sexuary.

I've added a few of the adventures on the roulette wheel above, and have linked it so you can try it. I'll update that wheel weekly with additional things we've done if you'd like to just spin the wheel and try something new.  I believe everything above you'll find in our blog on how to do.  

So as a reminder, Sexuary was started for us by our friend Christine and over the last 10 years we've grown so much sexually which has also brought us closer in our relationship.  Our communication skills have expanded, our knowledge of ourselves and each other has grown, and overall we are much closer because of Sexuary. We came across Sexuary in a low point in our relationship, and while it's not the only reason we are where we are today, it is a major factor. 

So for the new people, what is Sexuary?  Sexuary is where during the month of February you do something that's outside of your normal sexual box.  For some that would be to have a date and maybe make out with your partner.  For some it's to try that thing you've talked about but never dared, maybe you don't know how to do it...so for Sexuary you research, and follow through.  We've done everything from sex every 3 days....took us 2 attempts to have sex every other day....then we went and did 28 days of sex...and now we do some hybrid ...we don't have intercourse every day, but we do something sexual everyday.  You can NOT judge yourself by anyone else, you have to look at your sex life and decide what is Sexuary for you and your partner.  

So there you go...Sexuary 2021 kicks off in just a few hours...you still have time to do something, even if it's just hit that wheel above and try something new. 

Dane

Sexuary 2020 - Roll Playing

One of the things Jackie and I aren't the best at is talking during sex. Occasionally there are some sounds, but we're really not much of talkers during sex. We have a friend how has bragged about her roll playing sexcapades, so I decided to throw that into this sexuary.

I got the room ready, had brought in everything needed to play doctor and told Jackie what to wear (a skirt and shirt with no panties or bra.

The annual exam included breast exam, reflex exam (using the wartenberg wheel of course), then of course the speculum went in and then I had to test her orgasmic reflexes using her vibrator. For the record she passed with flying colors. I then used a soft sound and got it about 3" in and then decided to use a steel sound.  Yeah that didn't work so well for Jackie. But hey we learned. I then did a little fisting on her using gloves (no better than without gloves). We ended up by the doctor taking advantage of his already orgasmic patient, bending her over the exam table, lifting her skirt and taking advantage of her. 

We had to communicate during the 'exam' portion, still not great during the sex part, but hey it was definitely something different for us.

We tried 2 new thing with the roll playing and the sounds on her. I know the sound wasn't a big thing for her, and maybe another time we'll try it.  The roll play was a bit awkward, but I think if we did it a couple more times it could get better. I told her I have it scheduled 1 more time this month with a different scenario, so we'll see.

Dane

Sexuary 2015 - Sexuary Play Time

We're only 5 days away from Sexuary 2015!!!

So this year Jackie and I have decided to focus a bit on toys.  So much so that we've started a Facebook group called Sexuary Play Time.  It's a closed group, but if you'd like to join us for this years Sexuary adventures please request to join and we'll add you.  Starting Sexuary 1st it will become a secret group and you'd miss out on all the fun conversations that we'll have.  All the articles we work on though will be posted on this blog for everyone to read.

What is Sexuary you ask? I'd have to refer you back to welcometomybrain.net and have you just pull a search of Sexuary.  You'll be amazed at the openness of Christine and her embracing sex as a part of her life and marriage.  So Jackie and I dove in.  First year trying to just have sex for 7 straight days..then every other day...then we went the great year of 2013 (that started this blog) and had a different kink for 28 straight days!  Last year because of family health issues we had to slack off, but this year it's back on!

But Sexuary isn't about how many days in a row, it's about connecting with your partner.  It's about communication.  It's about opening up to new ideas and trying them.  It's about exceeding the ordinary.  To some of you that would mean you'll have sex in Sexuary. Yeap, even once would be a struggle.  For some of you, it would mean you too will try to hit 28 straight days (or 31 if you want to try for a REAL month).  It's about getting out of your comfort zone and seeing that there is more out there then what you have.  We've decided to pick sex toys as the way to do those things this year.

Again, Jackie and I have decided to focus on 'add-ons' this year.  You know those things that take good and make them great.  Those OMG did we really just do THAT?  We'll let you know what we've found out about sex toys and with any luck get some great feedback on what you the readers have learned about sex toys.  Ever gotten one home that looked great in the package only to find out it's a dud?  We'll tell you what we do to prevent that. We'll talk about caring for them.  We'll talk about the different types of toys we have and have had (oh the THOUSANDS of dollars we've spent on sex toys is pretty amazing).  We'll also talk about some very inexpensive, or things around your house, things that you can use in the bedroom to make a session better.  So it's something we have a passion for and wanted to share this year.

So we hope to see you on Facebook, if not check back here regularly throughout Sexuary for updates....just 5 days and counting!!!

Dane

PS..This is Jackie...come on Sexuary...I just can't wait to see whats in store..

Men Are So Visual - Communication

So just like anyone else we have peaks and ruts, and sometimes those ruts become valleys.  We work on sex all the time, and even in our vigilance we wind up in our 'safe', 'regular' and 'easy' routine when we're not watching.  It happens even to guys like us who will go a month straight with a different kink every day, so I know it happens to everyone.  Well one of the best things about Jackies and my relationship is that we can talk to the other person when we see this happening.  Honestly it generally starts out with a letter from one of us to the other.  We're not trying to be confrontational, we're trying to be informative.  "Hey babe, have you notice our sex is sucking lately? I know we have a lot on the plate, and I'm not pulling my end either, so can we work on it?" Ok, not the letter I sent, but honestly that's what it boiled down to this week.

Well after talking it through and talking about some of the underlying issues we both were facing, we both agreed that we needed to get this back as a priority.  It helps both of us.  Self esteem.  Our relationship.  Remembering that we're a couple/team, and we'll get through any of this.  That intimacy is necessary for our success.

If you haven't noticed, I love being nude, I love Jackie being nude, I love nudity.  When I met Jackie she would put something on even if we were the only 2 in the house.  Last night after our kid went to bed Jackie was nude and in her Lazy-Boy in the living room.  She's come a long way and I love it.  I love watching my wife move around nude, and would hide everything in her closet so she'd have to stay that way if I could get away with it.  I love the site of flesh.  BUT with all that said I don't know a man alive who doesn't appreciate the effort when a woman tries to 'dress for the occasion'.  Jackie has lots of sexy attire, Teddys, panty and bra combinations, dresses that look hot on her, etc, etc..  But she doesn't wear them because, 'you're just going to rip them off and I'll be naked'.  *sigh*  She's right to some extent.  The visual when she does something sexy like that is such a turn on I have a hard time (ok, maybe some pun intended) not just ripping them off, tossing her on the bed and having my way with her.  But the point is she did look that sexy that drove me nuts to get me to that point, I can't help it if my accelerator gets stuck wide open when I see her all seXXXy and I know it's because she's trying to turn me on.  It works!!  

Trust me, I know it's effort, but isn't that part of the deal?  We all have to put forth effort to make our relationships work. 

So this week Jackie went to work.  She got herself ready while I was gone to work, and started sending pictures.  Oh my!!!  The stocking picture alone had me ready to get home as quick as I could.  And when I got home there was this beautiful woman laying on our bed all HOT and seXXXy and waiting to be attacked.  I took me a few minutes to take in the entire package that laid there to be unwrapped. I even had the presence of mind to take a few pictures before we got into it to far.  OMG, from head to toe she was hot, and she did all that for me. She was wearing high heel black shoes which she never wears, ever.  Stockings, silky and tigh high.  Matching panties.  A black corset that she managed to get in by herself.  Talk about climbing out of a rut quickly.

Jackie went right for the jugglers in a way she knows works, because she knows men are visual creatures, and she knows what I like.  It was very hot, and more than I was hoping for. I on the other hand used ever ounce of control not to rip them right off and take her right then.  The sex was fantastic. Both times.

So the moral of the story?  First as always communication is key to everything.  If you can't talk to each other I don't know what you really have.  If you get defensive when your partner is just trying to point out that there is an issue, there is a problem.  You have to be able to work through things.  You have to be able to talk and agree to make things better.  You have to be able to get through what happened back when so that today can work for you as a couple, and move up out of those ruts.  Jackie didn't get mad when I sent her that letter.  She took it for what it was intended, "we" needed (that's both of us) to work on this issue.  She took the first step in that decision and what a hell of a first step.

Second, just because we like something doesn't mean we don't appreciate a break from it.  Like I said, I LOVE nudity, but I love that Jackie took the time to look extra hot for me. Bottom line men are visual creatures and something like this works for us.

In a rut?  Talk to your significant other,let them know you've noticed and ready to do something about it with them.  Oh and while you're at it, it's October already, so start thinking about themes for Sexuary coming up. No seriously have fun and start planning for Sexuary.  Make it so special that the planning up to it will be just as much fun as the getting there.  That will help keep those ruts our of your bed and sex life.

Dane

Neked Weekend

So part of Sexuary is making time for your partner.  It's been a struggle for Jackie and I lately.  Oh don't get me wrong we've made time to be intimate and a some time to ourselves, but we haven't really had that extra time alone where we can communicate...catch up...share without disruption...just take a nap together.

So against all odds, with work piles a mile high, we made plans to get away for a weekend and hide from the world.  We have a little cottage we like to visit.  It's secluded, it's private, it has a jacuzzi on the enclosed back porch, and it's 1/2 a mile from a great little Texas town we love to visit.

Friday - Monday we lived in a little heaven on Earth.  Every day we'd get dressed for about 2 - 3 hours and go to town, eat a meal or two...went wine tasting picking up many bottles of wine we enjoy...picked up $100 worth of hand made specialty chocolates that Jackie loves....and that's it! Nothing more.  Ok, we did consider going to a play, but since it was sold out all weekend we didn't.

The rest of the weekend?  We were neked.  We read.  We ******.  We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We slept.  We ****** some more.. We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We ate.  We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We read some more.  We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We ****** some more.  We hopped in the jacuzzi.  We slept.  We woke up and started all over again. Neked the entire time except for the couple of hours we went to town.

It was exactly the kind of weekend we needed!!!  We had no kids.  No troubles.  No worries.  No stress.  No anything we didn't want.

We talked about anything and everything.

We caught up with each other.

We relaxed and caught up on physical rest we both needed badly.

We made time for each other.

Look, Sexuary is about getting with your partner in a finite period of the month and make extra special efforts to communicate with your partner, and hopefully the sexual aspect will improve accordingly.  But if you wait till 2/1/2014 to make the extra effort then your relationship is not going to grow and blossom.  Jackie and I hated that we waited as long as we did, but before we let it get to a point it would effect our marriage we made something happen.

You don't have to go to the extreme of a 4 day neked weekend, but do something, especially if it's been a while.  Figure out a day to head off by yourselves.  Take a walk in the woods.  Plan a picnic.  Go out to a lake for the day.  But do something that the 2 of you can do and you can get close and be together.  Ever booked a hotel room in your own town?  We have, just to get away for a night in someplace different for us.  Plan a day of events (shopping, movie, lunch and dinner, walk though the mall - together). Doesn't have to cost a fortune, does have to be personal where your partner is #1, not the TV, not the cell phone, not Facebook, not your email!

Make today another Sexuary day!

Dane

Remember the Goals

Well the dreaded yeast infection hit a all time high over the weekend.  There was absolutely no way I could play.  Ugg, I really wanted to use some new toys.  I was totally disappointed that we could  not play.  I know that we still had a great weekend.  Part of this month is for us to talk, to listen, to try new things, to have quality time with each other.  That is exactly what happened this weekend.  We had talked a lot,and discussed things over the first half of the month.  What we liked, and what we didn't.  What did we want to do again, what did we look forward to that was in the next half of the month. It really is a month of communication, we have a crazy month and if we DON'T communicate it would not happen.  We have talked about it in the dark, we have talked about it over supper, we have talked more than we have in the last 7 years! That is what this month is about.

So  fast forward to this Sunday, another couple who we know is doing Sexuary in their own way, told me that while they haven't done it like we have and that they didn't understand why we were doing it the way we were and that they didn't agree with the whole "tshirt" and beating someone else. That it was not the point of Sexuary.  So I got to share with her that our month was our month. WE decided on 28 things we wanted to try, that we would try willingly and that we would NOT judge each other.  That we would communicate the how, what, when and what for's. She looked at me like a light bulb went off, and said Oh I had not thought of it that way before.  Now keep in mind that couple have been married almost 25 years, and they still struggle with their sex lives. In fact the last 3 years we have encouraged them to do Sexuary. I thought we had talked about what the goals where about, that each person/couple just needed to make goals.  If they did something more that normal then they when doing exactly what this month was supposed to be about.

So we are on the back-hill slide of our month.  Things have come up that are beyond our control, but you know what that's ok, WHY? Because I have had a great 18 days with my husband! That we are closer than ever, that we can keep adding great things to our lives and to our sex lives.  That I LOVE my hubby more today then the day we married...

I cant wait until the end of Sexuary, so we can sit and decide how we are going to change our monthly calenders....woohooo wonder what will get added for the next 11 months..

Jackie

Jackie hit the highlights of our weekend.  Websites checking out cures and running to Wholefoods to make sure she got to feeling better as fast as possible.  One of the worst things for a guy is to have a problem we can't fix.  It's what we do, we fix things.  So when it's out of our control, be it a yeast infection, or one of our kids sick, it takes a mental toll on us.  I was glad when Sunday morning Jackie said she was 100x better.

We have talked and talked.  It's fun to plan things out and work on the things that didn't work.  Understand that we when we talk about the things that didn't work we have to create those safe spaces that our partner will know it's ok to talk about it and they aren't going to be chastised for it.  I thought it would always be the guy whos wanting more, but I know that's not the case.  I've known several women over the years that want more in the bedroom and the husband just won't give in.  I don't understand it, but I know it's true.  So in those cases the guy might figure it's been this way so long she'd never 'forgive me' anyway, so why try. It's in these times the safe space is imperative.  But we CAN talk about the good the bad and the ugly of this month and have, making sure the rest of the year is going to be just as much fun.

So this weekend was highly modified but we pushed through.  Honestly if I were the kiss and tell type guy I think I'd have most guys scared rather than jealous.  Lots on our plates still as we count down the last of our month.But this isn't our first Sexuary and we're ready to rock and roll to the very end!!!

Dane

Half Way There

So out of everything that has concerned me during the preparation for this month was that Jackie would get sick or worst yet a major yeast infection and kill the rest of the month.  I'm generally healthy as a horse and rarely get sick.  But in prevention Jackie and I have been on vitamins, Activa has been regular in both of our diets.  We both had flu shots.  All this in preparation for a Sexuary of Sexuaries.  The bar was set high and we wanted to make sure that yucky, itchy, blahs wouldn't hit us in the middle of the month.

So yesterday right after Jackie and I had been playing I started to feel bad.  Honestly I wasn't 100% earlier, and it could even explain some of my mental state yesterday morning.  But shortly after we played I got sick.  I'm talking 101F sick.  Now don't think that 90% of what I was worried about was if I didn't get to feeling better our streak would be blown.  Ok, at least when I was coherent enough to think.

I don't know what it was, but today I was better.  My temp broke in the middle of the night and while I've been weak I've been much better and ready to continue on.

So we had vanilla sex while the kids were out this evening.  You know what?  It was actually pretty exciting!  After all the extras we've been going through for the last 13 days it was actually pretty great that 14 was vanilla.

So we're 1/2 way there (remember we started 1/31 so a day ahead), and looking good.  We are 2x our own personal best (yes, we went from 7 straight days to 28 as a goal).  And I have to tell you, the 14 days, even with the ups and downs we've been through, has been a lot more fun the the 7 in a row, or the 15 days (every other day) last year.  I've enjoyed the exploring, the nightly pillow talk, the extra text I get on my phone telling me what fun Jackie had, or what she's anticipating, and honestly I think both of us have enjoyed the blog and sharing with everyone the ups and downs of this month.

Tomorrow if Valentines day.  We're off for a day of adventure and romance.  If you haven't started your Sexuary adventures then tomorrow is a great day for it.  Everyone is a bit more open on Valentines Day to romance, communication, and love.  Don't pass up this opportunity.

Dane

We have been going and going and going.  Working on this calender, its been crazy, so ups and some downs.  Some good, some not so good. The good news is we are half way there! We managed to fend off yeast infections, sickies, and everything else in between.  Until Tuesday, then it hit.  It hit Dane hard! Thank goodness we decided to play that morning or we would not have played.  Even if our day started off rough and we did not do anything that was on the list.  I say it ended up at pretty good day.  We actually had 4 hours of un-interupted time together.  The phone never rang, and with Dane's job that was a miracle in itself! 
Sure we resorted to "vanilla" as he said but you know what....its what we both needed! I enjoyed our very vanilla day. 
I know this month has been to work on the spice of life, but sometimes its good to take a step back and go back to what you know...I enjoyed it to the max...Spice or not I love Dane and wouldn't trade this month for anything! 14 days down...we are half way there baby!
Jackie
 

Whipping, Spanking, Mild Pain, etc

I want to spank your ass till it's red while you lay across my lap.  Using the whips, my hand, etc, then when it's hot and red I want to fuck you good and hard doggie style and/or at the end of the bed.

It just didn't worked for us. Ok, I got to spank Jackies bottom with my hand, but there was no reaction.  No satisfaction.  No ...I don't know.  I was excited with the site of her red butt laying across my lap, but ...

Jackie didn't react to any of it except when I used the paddle for one stroke and she said that was beyond her limits.  I couldn't judge what was going on, I couldn't read her mind, I couldn't see a reaction.  So I stopped and went to plan B.  It was safe and easy.

Jackie later told me it was totally different in the height of passion to be spanked then it was today.  She enjoys her rear spanked when we're going at it, but this was different.

This Sexuary has been a month of ups and downs.  We've done things we've never tried, and this was one of them.  We learn not all of our passions lay together, and that's ok.  And there maybe times (like this month has been) that we give to the other the gift of trying something out.  Opening ourselves up to new experiences so that our partner can have theirs.  It's part of being in a relationship. I would say though that this will probably go along the way of the foot fetish, not to be broken out very often if ever again.

Dane

There is a fine line between pain and pleasure.  We have really been working on some new things to liven up our sex lives.  We have tried new things, pushing our hard limits.  Today was one of those.  I already knew this was a hard limit for me.  I had told him up front.  

So I bent over his lap and let him spank me.  It was not exciting for me, it just did not do anything. I had no reaction, no grunts, no squirm, looking back I am not sure I knew what I was supposed to do.  This was so out of my box, but I had no clue.  What is the correct response??This is twice now that we have done something so out of my box that I don't know what I should do or how to do it....Dane always thinks I am heading into my dark place, my place where I went to during the years of abuse I suffered at the hand of a babysitter, and an ex that was very verbally abusive. I have only gone there once the whole month and that was our couples weekend, but I didn't stay long.(which is a HUGE improvement) 

I also told him that is was not the same thing as it is when we are in the heat of passion. That is a HUGE turn on for me, so it really this was a huge surprise that I did not enjoy it.  I told him that I really had not gone to my dark place at all.  So I highly doubt I will be laying over him and letting him spank me but there will be sometimes that I ask for him to while we are in the heat of the moment.  

WE are almost half way through our month, we have pushed limits, and moved in directions I did not know was possible.  We are growing closer and our communication between the two of us seems to be better. We still have our struggles but all in all so far so good.

Jackie

Autovampirism , Biting, Hair pulling

Let's play vampire.  Sucking, biting, hair pulling, ..maybe find some fangs???

So I want to start out by saying that even with all the communications and experiences of the 2444 days we've been married, and the 2 years before that I still misread, misunderstand and misinterpret the words and actions of Jackie.  Now this isn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last time I take a comment and run in the wrong direction in my head.

So let me explain.  It had been a long day.  We'd been up since 5:30 AM and we got home about 9 PM.  Hundreds of miles on the vehicle.  Oh and did I mention it was almost midnight the night before when we got to bed?

So we finally crawl into bed and the question comes "Do you want to play tonight, or have a double session tomorrow and play in the morning and afternoon tomorrow?"  Ok, it's a clear question, but let me tell you what my testosterone infested brain hears - "I don't want sex tonight".  Yeap, that's the translation that is clear as day in my head.

Oh this isn't the first time.  In the past it's been, "my sinuses are killing me", "my shoulder is bothering me", "I'm totally wiped out", and many others all said within the hour before or while we're in bed and everyone of them translated exactly the same in my head, "I'm just not up to it tonight, so no sex tonight".  Yeap, loud and clear that's the word for word translation that my brain gives those statements.  Ok, in my defense that's because I was married previously to a woman that would of meant that exact translation, and it's hard to learn the same phase in a second language sometimes.

Now in the beginning I think Jackie would just roll over and go to bed frustrated not knowing what just happened.  I'm certain there were times she didn't have a clue what had just hit her.  Somewhere along the way we talked and I explained some of this to her.  When it was all said and done I basically told her she had permission to call me an idiot, smack me upside my head and demand that I perform any and all duties that were expected of me.

Last night was one of those times.

I was tired too, but had been looking forward to this night, just like I've looked forward to every day since Sexuary has started.  But being the martyr I can be I rolled over and laying on her chest just laid there figuring I'd just go to sleep.  Jackie was like "WTF? I just asked a question.  I didn't know how to start this, and wanted to see if you wanted to wait till tomorrow morning."

So before I get into the fetish side of things I want to just make it clear how easy it is for your partner to mistake an innocent comment.  It's not hard for a partner to mistake an innocent comment.  I really think most guys are programmed for rejection, especially when it comes to sex.  So when we hear those nonchalant words from our partner we just assume (make all the "ass out of you and me" jokes you want) that it's just the excuse and we might as well not even try.  Shy of the slap across the backside of the head I'm not sure what will every 'fix' that problem.  So if your guy seems hot and heavy and then all of a sudden it's cold as ice you might ask yourself what I just said and then think like a man (read, what could of I said that might of been misinterpreted to read 'no sex tonight, don't even try')  and then smack him upside the head and tell him to get back to work!

So we put this day on the calendar partially because Jackie is a vampire fanatic.  Ok, she's into all the vampire, wolverines, shift changers, and ghost type stuff.  Ann Rice hasn't written anything she hasn't read (yes even her BDSM stuff, though I joined her in those).  So biting and hair pulling it was.

Now first thing you might say is I'm not going around with a bunch of hickies on my neck.  But there are 2 things you don't know.  First in the world of hickie givers, I'm the worlds worst.  I mean I could suck till my jaw sucks in and there wouldn't be a mark, especially on the neck.  I've never understood it, but it's the truth.  Second, when we first got together Jackie told me she didn't like any hickies on or above her neck.  Her boobs are free for marking up but not her neck or face.  DEAL!

So as I was biting around she'd get worried and pull away.  It took some of the fun away, but I still continued.  Her ear lobes, her neck, her boobs, her shoulder, her back, her bottom  all got my attention.  During those times I'd tug on her hair.  Eventually she flipped me over and got her 2 (or 20) bites in.  Again the fine line between pleasure and pain taken to the limits.  It excites me to no end.

Afterwards, during our pillow talk she told me she loves how I react.  And I react knowing how turned on it will get her.  "I don't want you to fake it" she told me.  "Fake it?"  oh you misunderstand, it's one of those things that I'm excited, and knowing that I can get you even more excited makes me even more excited.  I hold a key to getting you over the top excited, what guy doesn't want that???

Ten days of sexuary come and gone and even with all our planning and talking we're still human.  We still get tired.  We still have miscommunications.  We still have to schedule that time, and keep it a priority, or it will easily be taken over by ANYTHING else that's available.  We can make excuses not to be intimate with our partner with thousands of excuses.  We can justify it in our head all we want.  But if we don't put our relationships at the top of our list then the relationship itself is in jeopardy.  And the problem is that once we've gone down that path, it's really hard to get back on the right path.

I'm very lucky to have a woman like Jackie that we can be open and honest with. But think about it, not many people are so open and honest that they would be writing this blog and putting this month out there for all to read.  But we do, and we do because "WE" are a priority in both of our lives.  It took one of us reaching out and the other to follow.  But someone has to start it all.  There are no magic wands that just 'poof' fix it all, and even when it's 'fixed' there are problems....daily...sometimes hourly.....heck there are times I'm afraid to breath because I'm afraid I'll screw up again.  But we talk, we work through them one by one, and hey before we know it there's a hickie on her boob.

So is today the day you do something different to improve your relationship?  The day you realize he's misunderstood your off the wall comment and smack him on the back of the head?  Heck do it twice and then tell him to get on his knees and .......sorry was having a flash back, but it was an exciting one.

Dane

Vampire day...lots of biting and some hair pulling.  Two things I like to read about and daydream about.  And I am not talking about "twlight" vampires...I am talking about TruBlood or others.  I am talking about great sex, great bites and list goes on and on....I could easily turn this into a book blog with all the series I have read of the years that are "paranormal romance"

So yesterday was a busy busy busy and long day.  We left the house around 730 in morning and got back at 9.  200 miles on the van we finally got home.  We were both just exhausted.  I know Dane won't ask for any time off, heck he is even more horny after a crazy exhausting kind of day.  I wanted him to decide to he wanted to  go ahead and play or just do a double banger day on Sunday.  I knew we had a few hours in morning and evening that we would have alone.  So I gave him the choice. Now keep in mind the whole last 2 hours on way home he has commented over and over how tired he was, and how hard it was drive us without falling asleep. So I asked him, well I thought I had asked him...and he gave me 2 answers...One was I really wanted to play but if your tired then I guess we can wait, then the other answer was you decide.  I only heard "you decide" which aggravates me that he gives me this answer.  If I ask a question, I don't want the answer to be for me to decide, I don't know so that's why I am asking! UGG I hate that answer.  If I knew what I wanted I wouldn't ask.

So then I asked, how exactly do we get started....I know what the calender says but how does one start this? I rolled over on my back and proceeded to roll on me with his head on my chest.  I was antsy because I knew if I slowed down for one minute I would be asleep then he would be upset that I fell asleep. I waited and waited and waited wondering when he was going to start...I didn't know how to start it...I was waiting for direction. I finally said, I thought you wanted to play tonight so I don't know what to do.  HE then says well you gave an option and sure I wanted to play but I just figured that meant you didn't.  I told him I asked him and he said he wanted to play so I thought we were going to play. I never said we were not going to play, just asked what he wanted. Communication died tonight, the rose glasses, the blue glasses, the assuming,  can make life confusing.  I never said I didn't want to play, all I did was ask if he wanted to wait and have a double day or play. I thought I was clear, he thought a totally different clear thought. We were NOT on the same page.  It wasn't until I said "I thought we were going to play tonight" did we finally get on the same page.

Ok so now we are on the same page, he starts biting and sucking on me.  As you know I have a fear or unwant of hickies on my neck.  I don't mind them any other place it's just what we do is between us, no one else needs to see that! I hate seeing them on people.  Its very hard to enjoy when it makes me very nervous of him kissing or sucking on my neck.  I will fight tooth and nail when he comes near my ear or neck.  He thinks its a trust issue, while it is some that's just not the whole reason.  I just think that there are other places that are more of a turn on for me than my ears/neck.  I think part of it is old memories of the ex trying to play with my ear and I swear it was like a freakin hurricane, lots of moisture, and blowing and pure nastiness that I have not been able to get past that for it to be enjoyable.

He continued to bite and suck on me.  There was one time he got me good, I had to ask him to stop,(I even have a small bruise from it) He did, of course that was talked about from the beginning.  Then when enough is enough you have to stop.  You don't want your partner to go into a dark place.  I have a lot of them, so I really try not to go into one, and we never know what will send me in a cliff of pure enjoyment or a cliff of pure hell. After he really enjoyed the biting, it was my turn.  I listen for vocal cues, I listen to breathing, for movements to know when enough is enough.  I know there is a fine fine line between pleasure and pain. I really do get more excited the more excited he becomes. I listen for cues on if I am doing it alright. 

We tried several positions, so he could pull my hair, some more successful than others since my body still has some aches and pains from the last 10 days, and muscle groups waking up that aren't used very often.

All in all it was enjoyable.  I did ride the pain/pleasure roller coaster then whole time.  I swear it was minute to minute on the ride.  There are no other words to describe it but a roller coaster.  

What are you doing right now? Are you talking with your partner about what you want/need? Are you making sure that your desires are showing, are you assuming they know what you mean? Be sure to remember to double check your question and your answer if your not getting the response you thought you should. ASK THE QUESTION AGAIN, don't go to bed upset when you weren't being clear in the asking 

Lessons learned today: don't assume, ask questions, don't freak out, and remember you are pushing your personal limits, but always remember you are safe.

Jackie

Planning

Wow, how to you come up with a 28 day calendar of sex?  If you do it right you spend 45 days 'pondering' it with a lot of time in bed because you've gotten yourself all excited thinking about Sexuary! Seriously the 2 of us started in November talking about what we were going to do and how we were going to do it.  Now it got more serious about mid December and really serious in January but that's how we roll.

We started out by a heads up that Christine was thinking of doing "fetishes" was going to be a theme of sorts.  Now Jackie and I are no strangers to fetishes.  I would love to have my ass fisted and Jackie loves soft touches and has a drawer full of toys that we use all the time to enhance our experiences.  So this was an opportunity for us to push our envelope.  Try some things we wanted to try and have a one time trial run for things that were on our fringe.  Challenge accepted!

So I went to a couple of sites that listed fetishes.  Google was great about this and I came up with over 500 fetishes.  Ok some of them aren't going to happen.  Apotemnophilia (having an amputation) isn't going to happen for us.  Nor Necrophilia, nor many others. So I went through and deleted any of the ones I wasn't comfortable with or that I knew were impossible.  Then I gave the list to Jackie and she removed all the ones she wasn't comfortable with.  There, only 150 fetishes to choose from. :)

So after that we talked about the remaining 150 items.  Now many of these can be combined for a great sexperience.  Like the first post mentioned we combined shaving and water play.  So Dane set out to create a 28 day calendar with everything they wanted.  Once done Jackie asked for changes to be made and then and viola a plan is made.

Now this took us WEEKS to do.   In it we had nights that Jackie would clam up.  It was overwhelming to her, and who could blame her.  Over 500 ways to have sex and 28 straight days that's a lot to wrap your pussy around.  Several nights we'd talk about some of the fetishes.  Some were obviously easier than others.  We already shave, so that was a give me, but she doesn't let me shave her normally, so that's a bit out of her box and something I wanted to do.  Spanking, not so easy.  I want to both spank her ass red and have mine spanked.  I'm not talking love taps, but spankings.  So we worked through it and she gave this one to me.  I want to be fisted, she loves to wear a strap on, We've never been able to get either the dildo fist or her fist in me, and after reading we realize we probably needed several days of her working on my ass to open it up.  Done! She gets 5 days of strapping on her cock and fucking me raw, and hopefully by the end of it I'll have a fist in my ass for once.  But it was a process.  An honest, open discussion many many nights.  And judgmental? No way!

Look fantasies and desires to try fetishes are a personal thing.  They are real, regardless of what society might think.  It's not like you can just toss what you like.  You can pretend, but if you're honest they are still there.  And this is your partner, the person you're suppose to love.  If they want to dress up like a bear and have sex, it's not my thing, but I would try it for their sake.  Over the next month you'll read about several attempts we've had at figuring out what we like and don't like, and some of them might not be your cup of tea, and that's ok with us.  Some of yours aren't our cup of tea.  But that's ok too.

So we narrow it down to our 28 days.  A daily description of what we are going to try.  Next comes probably the most fun we've had so far, shopping for all we need.  Speculums,  gates of hell, clothes pins, soft clothes, a boa, massage oils, and several other things were on that list that we'd need.  In additional we wanted to find a place for on premise swinging and invite one of our friends over to take pictures and have a night of fun together.  Lots of planning and shopping.

Oh my, little did I realize how turned on some of this would get Jackie and I, and we had a fantastic weekend gathering all we needed and an incredible weekend of hotel sex that was off the charts.  Just the thoughts of what we were planning on kept Jackie wet all weekend, and she got aggressive and HOT! I reaped the benefits and it wasn't even Sexuary yet!

So there we are, a calendar with daily descriptions of what is cumming, I mean coming and we take it one day at a time.  Oh for the record we did set some guidelines.  Either one of us can call off a day because it just can't happen.  For instance if on day 4 my ass just can't handle another fucking, then we have 3 plan B's to fill in.  We have safe words.  One for "Ok, you're at my limit, no more than what you're doing now" and one for "Stop right now".  These are just good practice and especially if you're going into something new we highly recommend it. 

Dane

PS - Today is dressing provocatively and teasing for Jackie.  I'll be rock hard most of the day thinking about her strip tease tonight (see combining fetishes that go together), and I'm sure I'll dump a load of cum by the end of the day, I know this because I know how good Jackie is at teasing me when she wants to. When was the last time you teased your partner and lead them up to a great sexperience?  Well what are you waiting for?

Planning this crazy month for us...
Dane had been after me since November to look at this list to narrow it down.  I did look at it...My first instinct was cross them all off...I wasnt going to do anything...forget it! This was all his doing not mine...So I put it away...I didnt look at it all during December and really not until the first week of January.  I then had to do alot of breathing because my first impulse was again mark it all out..but I knew that Dane really wanted my input, he wanted me to have a part.  He wanted to know my dreams, my fantasies, what I wanted.  I didnt/dont know what I wanted how the heck was I supposed to tell him??? So on the 4th time looking at the list, I decided my mind frame would be let me be willing to be willing...I knew a few things that he liked, and I knew a few things I DID NOT like, so I took out the things that were in my "Red Zone" that there was NO way I would go there...I knocked off probably 30 on that round. I slowly went through the list and paired stuff down.  I sent him the list and told him to make the calendar. I also questioned if there was anything on the list that he had kept and I took off, there was only ONE thing that he left on and took off.  
Now let me tell you this calendar really has pushed my limits, both hard and soft limits. He has wanted to talk about it a lot! I did not want to talk to him at all about it.  I made my list why talk.  UGG I don't know how many nights I would get flustered over him asking me questions..I would just totally shut down, cry and just did not understand the emotions that were happening.  I didn't want to talk about the emotions either. I really had to work on my attitude on the whole thing.  The more he wanted to talk about it the more I didn't.  I am telling you I really had to watch my whole deminer when he came to ask me questions about stuff.  It has certainly been a month where his excitement level has been way up because of the planning.

The planning of the calendar has been an event in itself.  What can I say, I have balked at it and not wanted it to be talked about but once it was done and I looked over it and made my own suggestions, WE had it done...geezz 28 days! Are we nuts? Are we crazy? Have we bitten off more than we can chew?   I have to be honest, I cant think about the calendar as a whole...I can only handle one day at time and I told Dane that.  I had to tell him I couldnt get excited about the calender as a whole, there was just too much to wrap my brain around.  My personality seems split on the whole thing so I just am looking day by day...In fact even today as I read what the calendar says I swear he added stuff to calendar since I don't remember seeing part of it.  Its like my brain just could not absorb everything. 

The weekend we got to go shopping for the items we were lacking for the month was a great weekend.  I am not sure if was the shopping or the fact that we had not had a lot of "quality" time with each other due to Dane's new job where he is on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or if it was a combination of both.  What ever it was he was pretty excited when he got it several days in a row because I was just in that kind of mood. And that does not happen often. We had some pretty raw, hot and heavy sex that weekend. I hope we did not disturb our neighbors at the hotel we were at.  There was no doubt that they could hear us through the walls....

I know we are now on day 2 of our calendar and I still have my issues. I also know that the whole idea behind this calendar is to push our limits.  To see if we could find some new things that we both enjoy.  We already knew somethings but we needed to learn more we so we could get out of our "plain sex' box...you know that rut you get into...well we have been in a rut and sexuary really helps push us out of the rut.  When we started this 3 years ago it was really really did I mention really hard to try 7 days in a row (nope we made it either 5 or 6) then last year was every other day. We made most of that...it even up being on even days I believe and he got 14 days worth.  So this year we decided to "join the band wagon" we wanted our own 28 days t-shirts...maybe even stand on the staircase with the rocky theme playing at the end....

Here is what we do know, we have done what we wanted to do.  We want to encourage others to have a sensual sexuary too! We dont care what you do just do something! If you arent doing anything with your partner just do something...Hold hands, go to the movies, kiss at the red light, anything...Make some goals and make them happen!  Lets all celebrate the end of the month and know you did it! Who is with us??

Now off to find something to wear that Dane hasn't seen me in a while...I am thinking something purple...oh I get to tease him all day too...wonder what I will do...I have my plans...he just doesn't know them yet....evil grin and laugh...
Jackie