Let's play vampire. Sucking, biting, hair pulling, ..maybe find some fangs???
So I want to start out by saying that even with all the communications and experiences of the 2444 days we've been married, and the 2 years before that I still misread, misunderstand and misinterpret the words and actions of Jackie. Now this isn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last time I take a comment and run in the wrong direction in my head.
So let me explain. It had been a long day. We'd been up since 5:30 AM and we got home about 9 PM. Hundreds of miles on the vehicle. Oh and did I mention it was almost midnight the night before when we got to bed?
So we finally crawl into bed and the question comes "Do you want to play tonight, or have a double session tomorrow and play in the morning and afternoon tomorrow?" Ok, it's a clear question, but let me tell you what my testosterone infested brain hears - "I don't want sex tonight". Yeap, that's the translation that is clear as day in my head.
Oh this isn't the first time. In the past it's been, "my sinuses are killing me", "my shoulder is bothering me", "I'm totally wiped out", and many others all said within the hour before or while we're in bed and everyone of them translated exactly the same in my head, "I'm just not up to it tonight, so no sex tonight". Yeap, loud and clear that's the word for word translation that my brain gives those statements. Ok, in my defense that's because I was married previously to a woman that would of meant that exact translation, and it's hard to learn the same phase in a second language sometimes.
Now in the beginning I think Jackie would just roll over and go to bed frustrated not knowing what just happened. I'm certain there were times she didn't have a clue what had just hit her. Somewhere along the way we talked and I explained some of this to her. When it was all said and done I basically told her she had permission to call me an idiot, smack me upside my head and demand that I perform any and all duties that were expected of me.
Last night was one of those times.
I was tired too, but had been looking forward to this night, just like I've looked forward to every day since Sexuary has started. But being the martyr I can be I rolled over and laying on her chest just laid there figuring I'd just go to sleep. Jackie was like "WTF? I just asked a question. I didn't know how to start this, and wanted to see if you wanted to wait till tomorrow morning."
So before I get into the fetish side of things I want to just make it clear how easy it is for your partner to mistake an innocent comment. It's not hard for a partner to mistake an innocent comment. I really think most guys are programmed for rejection, especially when it comes to sex. So when we hear those nonchalant words from our partner we just assume (make all the "ass out of you and me" jokes you want) that it's just the excuse and we might as well not even try. Shy of the slap across the backside of the head I'm not sure what will every 'fix' that problem. So if your guy seems hot and heavy and then all of a sudden it's cold as ice you might ask yourself what I just said and then think like a man (read, what could of I said that might of been misinterpreted to read 'no sex tonight, don't even try') and then smack him upside the head and tell him to get back to work!
So we put this day on the calendar partially because Jackie is a vampire fanatic. Ok, she's into all the vampire, wolverines, shift changers, and ghost type stuff. Ann Rice hasn't written anything she hasn't read (yes even her BDSM stuff, though I joined her in those). So biting and hair pulling it was.
Now first thing you might say is I'm not going around with a bunch of hickies on my neck. But there are 2 things you don't know. First in the world of hickie givers, I'm the worlds worst. I mean I could suck till my jaw sucks in and there wouldn't be a mark, especially on the neck. I've never understood it, but it's the truth. Second, when we first got together Jackie told me she didn't like any hickies on or above her neck. Her boobs are free for marking up but not her neck or face. DEAL!
So as I was biting around she'd get worried and pull away. It took some of the fun away, but I still continued. Her ear lobes, her neck, her boobs, her shoulder, her back, her bottom all got my attention. During those times I'd tug on her hair. Eventually she flipped me over and got her 2 (or 20) bites in. Again the fine line between pleasure and pain taken to the limits. It excites me to no end.
Afterwards, during our pillow talk she told me she loves how I react. And I react knowing how turned on it will get her. "I don't want you to fake it" she told me. "Fake it?" oh you misunderstand, it's one of those things that I'm excited, and knowing that I can get you even more excited makes me even more excited. I hold a key to getting you over the top excited, what guy doesn't want that???
Ten days of sexuary come and gone and even with all our planning and talking we're still human. We still get tired. We still have miscommunications. We still have to schedule that time, and keep it a priority, or it will easily be taken over by ANYTHING else that's available. We can make excuses not to be intimate with our partner with thousands of excuses. We can justify it in our head all we want. But if we don't put our relationships at the top of our list then the relationship itself is in jeopardy. And the problem is that once we've gone down that path, it's really hard to get back on the right path.
I'm very lucky to have a woman like Jackie that we can be open and honest with. But think about it, not many people are so open and honest that they would be writing this blog and putting this month out there for all to read. But we do, and we do because "WE" are a priority in both of our lives. It took one of us reaching out and the other to follow. But someone has to start it all. There are no magic wands that just 'poof' fix it all, and even when it's 'fixed' there are problems....daily...sometimes hourly.....heck there are times I'm afraid to breath because I'm afraid I'll screw up again. But we talk, we work through them one by one, and hey before we know it there's a hickie on her boob.
So is today the day you do something different to improve your relationship? The day you realize he's misunderstood your off the wall comment and smack him on the back of the head? Heck do it twice and then tell him to get on his knees and .......sorry was having a flash back, but it was an exciting one.
Vampire day...lots of biting and some hair pulling. Two things I like to read about and daydream about. And I am not talking about "twlight" vampires...I am talking about TruBlood or others. I am talking about great sex, great bites and list goes on and on....I could easily turn this into a book blog with all the series I have read of the years that are "paranormal romance"
So yesterday was a busy busy busy and long day. We left the house around 730 in morning and got back at 9. 200 miles on the van we finally got home. We were both just exhausted. I know Dane won't ask for any time off, heck he is even more horny after a crazy exhausting kind of day. I wanted him to decide to he wanted to go ahead and play or just do a double banger day on Sunday. I knew we had a few hours in morning and evening that we would have alone. So I gave him the choice. Now keep in mind the whole last 2 hours on way home he has commented over and over how tired he was, and how hard it was drive us without falling asleep. So I asked him, well I thought I had asked him...and he gave me 2 answers...One was I really wanted to play but if your tired then I guess we can wait, then the other answer was you decide. I only heard "you decide" which aggravates me that he gives me this answer. If I ask a question, I don't want the answer to be for me to decide, I don't know so that's why I am asking! UGG I hate that answer. If I knew what I wanted I wouldn't ask.
So then I asked, how exactly do we get started....I know what the calender says but how does one start this? I rolled over on my back and proceeded to roll on me with his head on my chest. I was antsy because I knew if I slowed down for one minute I would be asleep then he would be upset that I fell asleep. I waited and waited and waited wondering when he was going to start...I didn't know how to start it...I was waiting for direction. I finally said, I thought you wanted to play tonight so I don't know what to do. HE then says well you gave an option and sure I wanted to play but I just figured that meant you didn't. I told him I asked him and he said he wanted to play so I thought we were going to play. I never said we were not going to play, just asked what he wanted. Communication died tonight, the rose glasses, the blue glasses, the assuming, can make life confusing. I never said I didn't want to play, all I did was ask if he wanted to wait and have a double day or play. I thought I was clear, he thought a totally different clear thought. We were NOT on the same page. It wasn't until I said "I thought we were going to play tonight" did we finally get on the same page.
Ok so now we are on the same page, he starts biting and sucking on me. As you know I have a fear or unwant of hickies on my neck. I don't mind them any other place it's just what we do is between us, no one else needs to see that! I hate seeing them on people. Its very hard to enjoy when it makes me very nervous of him kissing or sucking on my neck. I will fight tooth and nail when he comes near my ear or neck. He thinks its a trust issue, while it is some that's just not the whole reason. I just think that there are other places that are more of a turn on for me than my ears/neck. I think part of it is old memories of the ex trying to play with my ear and I swear it was like a freakin hurricane, lots of moisture, and blowing and pure nastiness that I have not been able to get past that for it to be enjoyable.
He continued to bite and suck on me. There was one time he got me good, I had to ask him to stop,(I even have a small bruise from it) He did, of course that was talked about from the beginning. Then when enough is enough you have to stop. You don't want your partner to go into a dark place. I have a lot of them, so I really try not to go into one, and we never know what will send me in a cliff of pure enjoyment or a cliff of pure hell. After he really enjoyed the biting, it was my turn. I listen for vocal cues, I listen to breathing, for movements to know when enough is enough. I know there is a fine fine line between pleasure and pain. I really do get more excited the more excited he becomes. I listen for cues on if I am doing it alright.
We tried several positions, so he could pull my hair, some more successful than others since my body still has some aches and pains from the last 10 days, and muscle groups waking up that aren't used very often.
All in all it was enjoyable. I did ride the pain/pleasure roller coaster then whole time. I swear it was minute to minute on the ride. There are no other words to describe it but a roller coaster.
What are you doing right now? Are you talking with your partner about what you want/need? Are you making sure that your desires are showing, are you assuming they know what you mean? Be sure to remember to double check your question and your answer if your not getting the response you thought you should. ASK THE QUESTION AGAIN, don't go to bed upset when you weren't being clear in the asking
Lessons learned today: don't assume, ask questions, don't freak out, and remember you are pushing your personal limits, but always remember you are safe.