Sexuary Summary

So I'm setting here, Jackie just left a bit ago for her training and I'll have 3 days by myself.  No kids, no wife, just myself.  So I thought it might be a good time to reflect a bit on what Sexuary meant to me.  I'm sure when Jackie gets back she'll put in her two cents worth too.

Let me start by saying this is year three for Jackie and I to 'celebrate' Sexuary. The first year we wanted to try to have sex 7 straight days.  It didn't happen.  Then came last year.  We were in a better place, but 7 days in a row was a lot to ask still, so we went for every other day on even days.  While we didn't exactly succeed we did much better, though by the end we were really struggling.  I really mean it was a struggle for us to have sex one more time. ugghhhh

You know we've done a lot of soul searching and working in our marriage over the last 3 or 4 years.  We've a lot learned about each other and what makes the other one tick.  We've learned to compromise, though as you've read this month we still struggle through some every day issues in communicating those compromises.  We have really focused on being better individuals so that we can be a better couple.  And we've made time for ourselves as a couple regardless of what 'disaster of the moment' is going on outside of our bedroom door.

I know that sex does not resonate near as high on the 'got to have it' scale for Jackie as it does on mine.  Yet I also know that she can get just as excited about it as I can be once we're there.  It's getting her out of her head and the other things going on to get her there that is the issue.  She's come a long way working on that over the last 3 years.  She now realizes how important it is to me to be that intimate with her and has gone out of her way, even when I'm being an ass, to make sure I get that time with her.  I know she has to struggle sometimes over that, hell I would.

Jackie says all she ever has to do to get me in the mood is take off her shirt and I'm ready.  Makes it difficult at night where we're getting ready for bed, cause I really do find my wife that attractive and that fun to be around.   Her kisses will set me off.  Her caress will definitely excite me.  And just the site of her in the shower gets me excited.  She's hot and sexy and she's mine and I love it.

So this year we decided to try a 28 day trek.  Not an easy task.  We know the Moers and know they had struggles last year with their 31 days.  Days they'd of preferred hall sex (you know as you pass each other in the hall you say "fuck you") then to have bedroom sex.  And these are people we look up to and respect, so how mere mortals like ourselves going to stand a chance to succeed?

So back in November, yes 3 months before Sexuary started, we started talking about this all.  It wasn't all pretty.  My 'box' of what I'm willing to try is huge compared to the average person.  Basically if I haven't tried it and dislike it I'm willing to try it.  Don't know if I'll like it, but I'll try it.  And there are things I'll try just because the other person I'm with wants to try.  VERY few hard limits. Jackies box is more of a 'normal' box.  Don't get me wrong, she tried a lot of things this month not in her box, but I know she struggled with several of them, but if it weren't for me pushing her to push herself some she'd fit into her box and be pretty happy with it.  So November to January were lots of discussions on what would and would not be acceptable.  We created list.  We talked about those list.  We modified list.  We talked more.  We talked more.  And then we talked more.

Finally in January we got 'The Calendar' that we've posted.  Now this was a major change to Sexuaries of the past.  In the past we've alternated who was in charge of making the day special.  If the day was a bad day then sex might of been mundane at best. This would have a who was in charge, but most of the pre-planning was already done, so even in a bad day everything was there to complete the task and you knew what we were doing.  I personally think this calendar was what made this year so successful for us.  It took a lot of pressure off of us on a daily basis.  Meant even on a crappy day we knew what was going to happen and that we had the supplies already in our bedroom.  I'm sure glad our kids don't come in our bedroom.  If they ever looked in our 'drawers of toys' they'd die of embarrassment. And if they saw everything we put in there for this month I'm not sure they'd ever look us in the eyes again. 

So as you've read, we made it through the month.  Not all days were 'successful' in their goal of enjoying something new, but they were all successful  in bringing Jackie and I together.  Even during the struggles of a massive yeast infection we were able to work through things and have a great time together.  Words like compromise and understanding come to mind after those days.  The couple swap day that didn't go anything like we expected.  The spanking and Dom/sub that when over like lead balloons.  We HAD to talk through those to get past them.

But there were other days that we were flying high after our sexual encounter for the day.  Sensation, fisting, piercings, and others were high on our list and will go on our 'must try again' list.  Jackie really wants a piercing or two.  I knew she'd want another tattoo.  We're working on fisting her.  Now that we've tried she knows how exciting that can be.  So her 'box' got bigger this month. 

I know there are all kinds of scientific studies that show that after sex couples release chemicals that bring them closer.  Well imagine how close you'd get after 28 days of sex.  And while we had one couple of friends tell us they didn't understand just going for 28 straight days, they understood it when we explained that it wasn't about the act of sex, it was about EVERYTHING that comes with it.  The pillow talking that gets started again.  The wanting to be with your partner.  The desire to make them as happy as you've been.  The open communications.  The flattery.  The kissing.  The simple "I love you" text for no reason other than they came to your mind for that moment during your busy day.  For 28 days I didn't have to do anything and I knew I was going to get sex, and yet I was more than happy to help more around the house because I KNEW I didn't have to do anything to get sex.

I remember a self help study a couple of years ago that was popular. In it the goal was to strengthen your marriage. One of the first things it said was someone has to cross the lines in the sand that you 2 have drawn so that the entire fence can come down.  Sexuary is all about that.  We crossed LOTS of lines this month.  Many sections of fence came tumbling down.  And WE are a better couple because of it.

This year we went 17 straight days of sex with no breaks and 26 out of 28 days we had sex.  That shattered our previous 7 days in a row of sex and 16 days in a month.  Shattered them.  And on the 2 other days it didn't mean that we didn't snuggle and caress, it was just intimate non sexual days.  So all in all 28 straight days. How can that be bad for any relationship?

So what did Sexuary mean to me?  It means I fully appreciate my wife for all she does for me.  It means I still get excited when I see her.  It means that I've had 28 days to show her how much I appreciate all she does for me.  It means we've spent 28 nights, laying in our bed talking about sex, life, kids, sex, and anything else that popped up (did I mention sex?) until we drifted to sleep. It meant we rekindled our love for each other. We made ourselves the priority this month.

I know there is no way to keep the every day pace up.  I'm almost 50 and damn proud of getting 28 days in. But seriously that pace while great is not sustainable without itself becoming mundane. But it can be a treat once a year for Sexuary.  And I truly believe that the other 337 days of the year will be much closer and better for us because of this exercise during Sexuary.

We don't expect everyone is where we are as a couple.  But understand we weren't always here either.  There were times we fought about sex.  Times we definitely weren't talking.  Times I wasn't sure this marriage was going to last, no matter how much we wanted it to.  Times were intimacy, communications, and sex were not in our couples vocabulary.  And we've gone from that to a month of it.  So I don't care if it's been 3 months since the last time you were intimate with your partner or 3 days, there is hope, I know because we're proof.  But someone has to take that first step.  Something has to change.  Priorities to your relationships have to change.  And honestly it's not easy.  But the rewards are great.

So on this, the last official day of Sexuary 2013 I have a challenge to you.  If you haven't done anything this month that is out of your box do it.  Call your partner and tell them you love them and hang up...that's it nothing else.  Or meet them at the door naked.  Or if the kids are an issue, after they are in bed go put on something that makes you feel as sexy as he thinks you are and be waiting on the bed for him.  Text him to come find you.  Send her flowers just because you love her.  Wash the dishes tonight or help dry them.  Instead of rolling over in bed roll into bed and wrap your arm around your loved one.  Get it? DO SOMETHING!

And heaven forbid you let today go by with nothing happening this Sexuary...don't wait another 11 months for Sexuary to come back around....take tomorrow and start your own Sexuary! Sexuary is a state of mind.  It's a matter of making a difference in your relationship.

It's part of the reason this blog isn't over with.  Oh the intensity of it will definitely die down some.  But we still have a list of fetishes we haven't tried.  We have another list of 'OMG we have to do that again' fetishes.  We have some that were borderline we have to go decide which side of the fence will they fall on.  And who knows as we grow we might go revisit some of those we weren't ready for the first time. So keep following.

You want to help us out some?  Let us know if any blog post made a difference for you. Email or comment.  We've allowed anonymous comments so you can be honest with us.  Let us know that you've done SOMETHING for Sexuary, especially if something you read here pushed you over the edge to make the difference.  Let us know if something you read got you so hot and bothered you had to go and surprise your partner.  Just let us know, it really is a turn on to us to hear from others that are in our boat of wanting to make their relationships better.

Happy Sexuary to all...and we're already looking forward to 2014!

Dane

The Calendar and Fetish List

Our Sexuary Calendar

So when we say we made a calendar with every day on it we really meant it.  This excel spreadsheet was our working document for everything.  First page was all the fetishes listed, then the individual cut downs, then finally the calendar.

For every day we had a link, and the link would take us to a note on what in general the day was about.  You can see the first 2 entries at the bottom.  These entries are pretty much what we worked with after the general ideas were set.  Specifics on what could or couldn't be done.  Jackie had some things she'd like to try within a category so she'd write them down.  I'd say "I'd love to ,,,,,," and she'd either ok it or not. It was our negotiation of sorts.

Now remember this is from a couple who couldn't do 7 days in a row the 3 years ago.  I still am wondering how the hell we are going to come close to 28, and if we don't it won't be the end of the world.  But for this month we are going to get to try some things that we've either really liked or never tried but have wanted to.  No judgement allowed between us for our fantasies.  You either have or you don't have that fantasy or fetish.  Though some you probably don't realize you have, because you've never tried it.

I use to have a friend that was big time into feet.  I never understood her fetish for feet.  Then one day I decided to suck on Jackies toes.  OMG I get it now!  I don't want it every day, but I understand how someone could be turned on by someone elses feet.

Some of the things we are planning are outside of society norms.  We have experienced others in our bedroom (aka swinging), and 2x during Sexurary we plan on doing it again, once with another couple and once with a guy that we've visited with over the years. With any luck I'll get my ass fisted.  We'll play Dom/sub for 2 days. We'll go out in public and have sex.  Things we want to try and our partner is ok with giving it a try too. 

There are times I think we should do something like this for the other 11 months of the year.  Put on our calendar a couple of special days that we go outside the box so we have to make an effort to do something special (note not normal) for our partner.  We would plan it and make it happen.  Obviously not a 28 day calendar, but 2 or maybe 3 days a month that something special is there to look forward too.

It means for this month every day I'm thinking about Jackie.  Either what can I expect from her, or what can I give to her to make this day special.  28 straight days.  1/12th of the year.  And that's just 1 month.

Over the years we've gone up and down.  Over the last 3 or 4 years it's been a steady climb up, because we know how important intimacy is within our relationship.  It's not always perfect, and rarely goes as planned., but we still keep climbing, and we do it together.  But I don't want you think that just one day we said 'hey, let's screw a month straight'.  It didn't happen like that.  It was cuddling. Then petting.  Some sex, some masturbation, some, 'hey let's try this' and before we knew it our sex life was healthy again.  So much so that our teenage boys cringe at times just thinking about it. "la la la la la la" is what we get if they even think we're talking about sex.

I remember my dad telling me once, 'your marriage isn't about the sex, but a lack of sex is a good indicator of a marriage that is hurting'.  Damn I hate to admit it but the old man was right sometimes.

So make your calendar.  Fill in 1 or more dates, only you can decide what the right number is, but then plan it and go through with it.  Make it happen!  Start that change!  Go now...what are you waiting for?

Dane

PS - Below I've give you our original list we started with.  There are some duplicates and some things just way off the wall for us, but we started here. Sorry for the going outside the box for format, but that's how they copy and pasted, and we wanted to share it with you.  The 'definitions' some have are from the websites I grabbed them from, not our definitions. 

Abasiophilia	People with impaired mobility[3]
Ablutophilia	Baths or showers
Abrasion
Acomoclitic	Hairless genitals (see gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Acousticophilia	Aroused by sounds
Acrophilia	High places
Acrotomophilia	Amputee partner
Acrotomophilia	People with amputations[4][5]
Actirasty	Exposure to the sun's rays
AGALMATOPHILIA	Fetish involving statues, mannequins, and immobility. No Uncle Bob- this doesn't include Auntie May. Ya…har har har. Ugh.
Agalmatophilia	Statues, mannequins and immobility[6]
Agalmatophilia/Pygmalionism	Statues/manikins or immobility
Age play
Agonophilia	Pseudo-rape, pretend struggle or wrestling play as a form of foreplay
Agoraphilia	Sex in public places
Agrexophilia	Excitement from knowing that others are aware of a persons sexual activities
Algolagnia	Pain, particularly involving an erogenous zone; differs from masochism as there is a biologically different interpretation of the sensation rather than a subjective interpretation[7]
Algolagnia/Algalagnia	Love of pain
Allorgasmia	Fantasizing about someone other than one's partner
Allotriorasty	Partners of other nations or races
Alphmegamia	Older men
Altocalciphilia	High heels (see retifism)
Alvinolagnia	Stomachs (see partialism)
Amaurophilia	Partner who is unable to see them during sex, blind/blindfolded sex partner
Anaclitism	Activities or items one was exposed to as an infant
Anal plug (public, under clothes)
Anal plugs (large)
Anal plugs (small)
Anal sex
Anasteemaphilia	Taller or shorter partners
Androidism	Robots with human features
Andromimetophilia	Trans men[3][8]
Anililagnia	Attraction by young men to older women[9]
Animal roles
Anophelorastia	Defiling or ravaging a partner
Antholagnia	Floral scent
Aphephilia	Being touched
Apotemnophilia	self-amputee
Name change (legal, permanant)	Having an amputation[4][10]
APTEMNOPHILIA/APOTEMNOPHILIA	APTEMNOPHILIA= Being aroused and/or excited by amputees. This could be a win/win situation, I guess. APOTEMNOPHILIA= erotic interest in being or looking like an amputee. WTF? Seriously- you know that's fucked up, right?
Arachnephilia	Spiders
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders)
Aromas
Asphyxiation
Asphyxiophilia	Self-strangulation
Asphyxiophilia	Asphyxiation or strangulation[4]
Asthenolagnia	Weakness/being humiliated
Attraction to disability	People with one or more physical disabilities.[11]
Auctioned for charity
Audiophilia	Recorded sound
Autagonistophilia	Exposing naked body or genitals to strangers while on stage, while being photographed
Autagonistophilia	Being on stage or on camera[12][13]
Autassassinophilia	Being in life-threatening situations[4]
Autoandrophilia	A biological female imagining herself as a male[14][15]
Autoasphyxiaton
Autoassassinophilia	Staging one's own murder
Autoerotic asphyxiation	Self-induced asphyxiation, sometimes to the point of near unconsciousness[13]
Autogynephilia	A biological male imagining himself as a female[16]
Autonephioplia	Diapers
Autonepiophilia	The image of one's self in the form of an infant.[12]
AUTONEPIOPHILIA ( Infantalism)	Sexual pleasure derived from dressing as (or imagining oneself as) an infant. Ladies- use your own 'men' jokes here. It's just too easy.
Autopedophilia	The image of one's self in the form of a child.[17]
Autoplushophilia	The image of one's self in the form of a plush or anthropomorphized animal.[17]
Autovampirism	The image of one's self in the form of a vampire.[18]
Autozoophilia	The image of one's self in the form of a plush or anthropomorphized animal.[17]
AVISODOMY	Sex with a bird. That's just fowl!
B
Ball stretching
Bara
Bathroom use control
Beastiality	People who have sex with real live animals. I won't even mention farm boys and cows. My willpower astounds me.
Beating (hard)
Beating (soft)
Being bitten
Being serviced (sexual)
Belonephilia	Pins/needles/sharp objects
Bestiality
Biastophilia	Violently raping their victims
Biastophilia	Rape of an unconsenting person; see also consensual rape fantasy[4]
Blindfolds
Blood
Bondage
Bondage (heavy)
Bondage (light)
Bondage (multi-day)
Bondage (public, under clothing)
Boot worship
Branding
Breast whipping
Breast/chest bondage
Breath control
Brown showers (scat)
C
C&BT
Cages (locked inside of)
Caning
Castration fantasy
Catheterization
CATHETEROPHILIA	A sexual perversion in which the necessary condition is that a catheter or other foreign body (e.g. swizzle stick, garter snake) be inserted in the urethra. Uh- good luck with that.
Cattle prod (electrical toy)
Cells/Closets (locked inside of)
Chains
Chamber-pot use
Chastity belts
Chauffeuring
Choking
Choreophilia	Dancing to orgasmic release
Chores (domestic service)
Chremastistophilia	Being robbed or held up[12]
Chrematistophilia	Having to pay for sex or having a sex partner steal from them, being robbed
Chronophilia	Partners of a widely differing chronological age[12]
Chrysophilia	Gold or gold colored objects (see timophilia)
Claustrophilia	Being confined in a small space
Clothespins
Cock rings/straps
Cock worship
Collars (worn in private)
Collars (worn in public)
Competitions (with other subs)
Coprolalia	Using obscene language or writing
Coprophagia
Coprophilia
Coprophilia	Feces; also known as scat, scatophilia or fecophilia[1][19]
Corsets (trained waist reduction)
Corsets (wearing casually)
Coulrophilia	Clowns
Cross-dressing
Crurophilia	Legs
Crush	A crush fetish is when one becomes sexually aroused when usually someone of the opposite sex crushes objects, food and sometimes small animals or insects with/under their foot. Bizarre- right?
Crush fetishism	Seeing small creatures being crushed or being crushed
Cuffs (leather)
Cuffs (metal)
Cutting
D
Dacryphilia	When one is aroused by tears or sobbing. In other words- an asshole.
Dacryphilia	Seeing their partner cry
Dacryphilia	Tears or crying[20]
DENDROPHILIA	Sexual interest in trees. Hippy Pervs.
Dendrophilia	Trees or fertility worship of them
Dendrophilia	Trees[4]
Diaper fetishism	Diapers; considerable overlap with paraphilic infantilism[21]
Diapers (soiling)
Diapers (wearing)
Diapers (wetting)
Dilation
Dildoes
Doraphilia	Skin, animal fur, or leather (see hyphephilia)
Double penetration
Dracophilia	Dragons and serpents
Dysmorphophilia	Deformed or physically impaired partners (see teratophilia)
E
Ecouteurism	Listening to others having sex without permission
EDERACINISM	Sexual pleasure derived from [the thought of] tearing out sexual organs by the roots. Pedophiles- you are Strongly Encouraged to develop this fetish and then follow through with it. Go on- rip it out by the roots, we'll wait.
Electricity
Electro
Electrophilia	Electricity
Emetophilia	When someone is aroused by vomiting or observing others vomit(When emetophiles put emetophilia into practice by actually vomiting, especially on a partner, it is called a Roman shower, after the supposed (but mistaken) belief in the frequent induction of vomiting at Roman feasts). I presume they hang out in bars and colleges.
Emetophilia	Vomit[3]
Endytophilia	Partners who are clothed
Enemas (for cleansing)
Enemas (retention/punishment)
Enforced chastity
Eproctophilia	The sexual attraction to human flatulence, mainly heterosexual males attracted to female flatulence. This is a thing? Really? I just can't see it. Must be a Dominatrix thing. In that case- You Go Girl!
Erotic asphyxiation	Asphyxia of oneself or others[22]
Erotic dance (for audience)
Erotographomania	Writing love poems or letters
Erotophonophilia	Lust murder
Erotophonophilia	Murder[4]
Examinations (physical)
Exercise (forced/required)
Exhibitionism	Showing genitals in public
Exhibitionism	Exposing one's genitals to unsuspecting and nonconsenting others[1]
Exhibitionism (friends)
Exhibitionism (strangers)
Eye contact restrictions
F
Face slapping
Fantasy abandonment
Fantasy gang-rape
Fantasy rape
Fear (being scared)
Feederism	Erotic eating, feeding, and weight gain.[23]
Fetishism	An inanimate object
Fisting	pretty easy to figure out
Fisting (anal)
Fisting (vaginal)
Flame play
Following orders
Food play (cucumbers, sorbet...)
Foot fetishism	Attraction to feet[24]
Foot worship
Forced bedwetting
Forced dressing
Forced eating
Forced heterosexuality
Forced homosexuality
Forced masturbation
Forced nudity (around others)
Forced nudity (private)
Forced servitude
Forced smoking
FORMICOPHILIA	Sexual interest in being crawled upon or bitten by small insects. Itchy…Itchy-Itchy-Itchy!!!!
Formicophilia	Sex play with ants
Formicophilia	Being crawled on by insects[12][25]
FORNIPHILIA	Form Of Bondage In Which A Human Is Used (Or Incorporated Into) A Piece Of Furniture. Examples Include: Human Drafting Tables, Human Lazy Suzanns, And Human Shelving (Ikeaphilia anyone?).
Forniphilia	Turning a human being into a piece of furniture[26]
FROTTEURISM	Rubbing against a non-consenting person to facilitate sexual stimulation- otherwise known as 'Riding The Bus/Subway'.
Frotteurism	Rubbing one's genitals against or fondling the body parts of a non-consenting person
Frotteurism	Rubbing against a non-consenting person[1]
Full head hoods
Furries	Furries are people who dress up in animal costumes and take on the persona of that animal. Sometimes full-on sex occurs, but often two or more furries engage in a behavior called “yiffing” (dry-humping or other sexualized interactions). Would saying, “Get Stuffed” be considered an insult or a compliment, I wonder?
G
Gags (cloth)
Gags (inflatible)
Gags (phallic)
Gags (rubber)
Gags (tape)
Gas masks
Gates of Hell (male)
Genital sex
GERONTOPHILIA	Sexual preference for the elderly (uh-ya… particularly the filthy rich ones, right?).
Gerontophilia	Partner whose age is that of different generation
Gerontophilia	Elderly people[27]
Given away to another Dom (perm)
Given away to another Dom (temp)
Golden showers
Gore
Gun play
Guro
Gymnophilia	Nudity
Gynandromorphophilia	Transsexual or transgender women [3][28]
Gynelophilous	Sight/touch of pubic hair (see acomoclitic, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Gynemimetophilia	Male impersonating a female
Gynemimetophilia	Transsexual or transgender women [3][29]
H
Haematomania/Hematolagnia	Blood
Hair pulling
Hairbrush spankings
Hamartophilia	Committing acts you consider to be sinful
Hand jobs (giving)
Hand jobs (receiving)
Haptephilia	Becoming extremely aroused by being touched
Harems (serving w/other subs)
Harmatophilia	Sexual incompetence/mistakes
Harnessing (leather)
Harnessing (rope)
Harpaxophilia	Being robbed or burglarized (see chrematistophilia)
Having clothing chosen for you
Having food chosen for you
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus)
Head (rcv fellatio/cunnilingus)
Hebephilia	Generally early pubescent children[30]
Heterophilia	Attraction to, fetishization, or sexualized idealization of heterosexuality and/or people who are "straight-acting," especially by non-heterosexual people.[31][32][33]
Heterosexuality
HIEROPHILIA	Sexual attraction to religious or sacred objects (e.g. masturbation with a cross). See The Exorcist .
Hierophilia	Sacred objects
High heel wearing
High heel worship
Hirsutophilia	Armpit hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hyphephilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Hobos
Hodophilia	Traveling
Homage with tongue (non-sexual)
Homeovestism	Wearing clothing emblematic of one's own sex[34][35]
Homilophilia	Hearing or giving sermons
Hoods
Hot oils (on genitals)
Hot waxing
Housework (doing)
Human puppy dog
Humiliation (private)
Humiliation (public)
Hybristophilia	People who have committed crimes, people who are cruel/outrageous
Hybristophilia	Criminals, particularly for cruel or outrageous crimes[12][36]
Hygrophilia	Body fluids or moisture
Hyphephilia	Touching skin, hair, leather, fur, or fabric/specific fabric (see acomoclitic, doraphilia,gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, pubephilia, trichophilia)
Hypnotism
Hypoxyphilia	Sexual arousal from the limiting or withholding of oxygen
Ice cubes
Immobilization
Including others
Infantilism
Infantophilia	Pedophilia with a focus on children five years old or younger, a recently suggested term that is not in general use[37]
Initiation rites
Injections
Interrogations
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage
K
Kainotophilia	Change
Kakorrhaphiphilia	Failure
Keraunophilia	Thunder and/or lightning
Kidnapping
Kinesophilia	Exercise
Kleptophilia	Stealing
Kleptophilia	Stealing; also known as kleptolagnia[3]
Klismaphilia	Sexual arousal from introducing liquids into the rectum and colon via the anus (for example: enemas). I get the feeling adult diapers feature prominently in myriad fetishes….
Klismaphilia	Being given an enema
Klismaphilia	Enemas, either giving or having[3]
Kneeling
Knife play
Knismolagnia	Being tickled
Knissophilia	Incense
Kopophilia	Exhaustion
Lactophilia	Breast milk[38]
Leather clothing
Leather restraints
Lectures for misbehavior
Licking (non-sexual)
Lingerie (wearing)
LIQUIDOPHELIA	Arousal Contingent Upon The Submersion Of One's Genitals In Liquid. I'm staying out of public swimming pools from now on.
Liquidophilia	Immersing genitals in liquids[38]
M
Macrogenitalism	Large genitals
Macrophilia	Giants
Macrophilia	Giants, primarily domination by giant women or men[38]
Manacles & irons
Manicures (giving)
Masochism	Being dominated/humiliated
Masochism	Suffering; being beaten, bound or otherwise humiliated[1]
Massage (giving)
Massage (receiving)
Mastigophilia	Punishment
Mechanophilia	Cars or other machines; also "mechaphilia."[39][40][41]
MECHANOPHILIA/MECHAPHILIA	Sexual attraction to cars or other machines. Basically- men and their cars. Enough said.
Medical scenes
Medical tables/surgery
Megalophilia	Large objects
Menophilia	A person with menophilia gets sexually excited at the sight, smell or taste of a menstruating woman. Bloody sick if you ask me.
Menophilia	Menstruation[38]
Merinthophilia	Being bound
Metophilia	Another person's face
Metrophilia	Poetry
Modeling for erotic photos
Morphophilia	Particular body shapes or sizes[13]
Mouth bits
MUCOPHILIA	Sexual pleasure related to mucus (e.g. the consumption of). You would've been in Heaven here when I had the flu. I was a mucus factory. On second thought- Fucking EW!!!!
Mucophilia	Mucus[38]
Mummification
Mysophilia	Filth/foul odors/decaying material
Mysophilia	Dirtiness, soiled or decaying things[3]
N
Name change (for scene)
Name change (legal, permanant)
Narratophilia	Discussing sex with others
Narratophilia	Obscene words[3]
Nasophilia	Noses/nose (see partialism)
Nasophilia	Noses[38]
Navel fetishism	Sexual attraction to navels - either their own or someone else's.[42]
Necrophilia	The sexual attraction to corpses. Gee- I wonder if they seek employment within the undertaker/morgue fields?
Necrophilia	Corpses[1][3][43]
Neophilia	Anything new
Nipple clamps
Nipple play/"torture"
Nipple rings (piercings)
Nipple weights
Normophilia	Acts considered normal by their religion/society
Nyctophilia	Darkness or night
O
Objectophilia	pronounced emotional desire towards specific inanimate objects[1]
Ochlophilia	Being in a crowd
Oculolinctus	Licking their partner's eyeball
OCULOLINCTUS (Worming)	Erotic pleasure stemming from the licking of someone's eyeball. What? How do you even? Wha? How would you even go there in the first place?!
Oculophilia	Eyes (see partialism)
Odaxelagnia	Biting/being bitten
Odontophilia	Tooth extractions/tooth fetish
Olfactophilia	Smells[3][12]
Ophidicism	Reptiles
Oral/anal play (rimming)
Orgasm control
Orgasm denial
Outdoor scenes
Outdoor sex
Over-the-knee spanking
Ozolagnia	Powerful scents
P
Pain (medium)
Pain (mild)
Pain (severe)
Paraphilic infantilism	Sexual arousal based on dressing or being treated like a baby, also known as autonepiophilia[12] or "adult baby syndrome";[44] considerable overlap with diaper fetishism[21]
Parthenophilia	Sex with virgins
Partialism	Specific parts of the body(see alvinolagnia, nasophilia, oculophilia, podophilia)
Partialism	Specific, non-genital body parts[1][3]
Pecattiphilia	Sinning/guilt
Pediophilia	Dolls
Pedophilia	Prepubescent children, also spelled paedophilia. Often confused with hebephilia, ephebophilia, and pederasty.[1][45]
Pedovestism	Dressing like a child[46]
Peodeiktophilia	Exposing one's penis[4]
Persona training (in scene)
Personality modification (RL)
Phallophilia	Large penis/large penis fetish
Phobophilia	Fear/hate
Phone sex (commercial provider)
Phone sex (serving Dom)
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends)
Phygephilia	Being a fugitive
Pictophilia	Inability to become aroused without pictorial pornography
Pictophilia	Pornography or erotic art, particularly pictures[3][12]
Piercing (permanent)
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce)
Piquerism	Sexual gratification through penetration of another person, most commonly by stabbing or cutting the body with sharp objects.[47]
Plastic surgery
Plushophilia	Stuffed toys
Plushophilia	Sexual attraction to stuffed toy animals (Plushies).[48]
Podophilia	Feet (see partialism)
Polyiterophilia	Sex with a series of partners
Pony slave
Prison scenes
Prostitution (actual)
Prostitution (public pretense)
Psychrocism	Cold/ice
PSYCHROPHILIA	Arousal is contingent on contact with extremely cold objects or watching others freeze. This is Nothing like when someone just enjoys chewing ice cubes. I'm just sayin'- for someone else….
Pubephilia	Pubic hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, trichophilia)
Public exposure
Punishment Scene
Pussy worship
Pussy/cock whipping
Pygmalionis	Rubbing one's body against a statue/statue/manikins
Pygophilia	Contact with the buttocks
Pygophilia	Buttocks[49]
Pyrolagnia	Watching fire
Pyrophilia	Fire or its uses in sex play
Pyrophilia	Fire[50]
R
Raptophilia	Committing rape, possibly consensual rape fantasy[12]
Religious scenes
Restrictive rules on behavior
Retifism	Shoes (see altocalciphilia)
Rhabdophilia	Being flagellated
Riding crops
Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.)
Rituals
Robotism	Robots in sex play
Rope body harness
Rubber/latex clothing
S
SACOFRICOSIS	The Process Of Making A Hole In One's Pocket In Order to Facilitate Public Masturbation (“You wash those pants before I put them in the laundry!”).
Sadism	Dominating/mistreating/humiliating one's partner
Sadism	Inflicting pain on others[1]
Sadomasochism
Saline injections
SALIROPHILIA	Fetish Involving the soiling or dirtying of one's desire, usually an attractive person. Ok, ya'll need some diapers from the Autonepiophiliacs.
Salirophilia	Ingesting human sweat or saliva (fluids with a salt content)
Salirophilia	Soiling or dirtying others[3]
Saran wrapping
Scarification
Scatophilia	Obscene phone calls
Scopophilia	Being stared at oneself
Scratching - getting
Scratching - giving
Sensory deprivation
Serving
Serving as a maid
Serving as art
Serving as ashtray
Serving as furniture
Serving as toilet (feces)
Serving as toilet (urine)
Serving as waitress/waiter
Serving orally (sexual)
Serving other doms (supervised)
Serving other doms (unsupervised)
Sexual deprivation (long term)
Sexual deprivation (short term)
Sexual fetishism	Nonliving objects[1]
Shaving (body hair)
Shaving (genital hair)
Shaving (head hair)
Siderodromophilia	Trains
Sitophilia	Using food
Skinny-dipping
Sleep deprivation
Sleepsacks
Slutty clothing (private)
Slutty clothing (public)
Somnophilia	Fondling a stranger in their sleep
Somnophilia	Sleeping or unconscious people[3][12]
Spandex clothing
Spanking
Spectrophilia	An image in an mirrors/sex with spirits
Speculums (anal)
Speculums (vaginal)
Speech restrictions (when, what)
Spitting
Spreader bars
Standing in corner
Sthenolagnia	Muscles and displays of strength[38]
Stigmatophilia	Marking one's own body/inserting foreign objects into it
Stigmatophilia	Body piercings and tattoos[4][38]
Stocks
Straight jackets
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by)
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on)
Strap-on-dildos (wearing)
Strapping (full body beating)
Supplying new partners for Dom
Suspension (horizontal)
Suspension (inverted)
Suspension (upright)
Swallowing feces
Swallowing semen
Swallowing urine
Swapping (with one other couple)
Swinging (multiple couples)
SYMOROPHILIA	Arousal due to witnessing or staging disasters such as car accidents (as seen in the movie Crash )
Symphorophilia	Arranging a crash/disaster/explosion
Symphorophilia	Witnessing or staging disasters such as car accidents[4]
T
Tampon training (in ass)
Tantalolagnia	Teasing
Taphephilia	Being buried alive
Tattooing
Teasing
Telephone scatologia	Obscene phone calls, particularly to strangers; also known as telephonicophilia[1][12]
TENS Unit (electrical toy)
Teratophilia	Deformed or monstrous people (see dysmorphophilia)
Teratophilia	Deformed or monstrous people[51]
Thesauromania	Collecting women's clothing
Thlipsosis	Pinching
Thumbcuffs (metal)
Tickling
Timophilia	Gold or wealth (see chrysophilia)
Toucherism	Touching an unsuspecting, non-consenting person with the hand.[52]
Transformation fetish	Depictions of transformations of people into objects/other beings
Transvestic fetishism	Wearing clothes associated with the opposite sex; also known as transvestism[1]
Transvestophilia	A transvestite sexual partner[12]
Trichophilia	Hair (see acomoclitic, gynelophilous, hirsutophilia, hyphephilia, pubephilia,)
Trichophilia	Hair[38]
Triolism	Three-party sex
Triple penetration
Tripsolagnophilia	Massage
Troilism	Couples
Troilism	Cuckoldism, watching one's partner have sex with someone else, possibly without the third party's knowledge; also known as triolism[13][53]
U
Uniforms
Urethral sounds (metal rods)
Urolagnia	Urination, particularly in public, on others, and/or being urinated on. Also referred to as "water sports"[1][3][12][13]
URSUSAGALMATOPHILIA (Plushophilia)	Sexual interest in teddy bears. Stay the fuck away from my teddy!
Urtication	Stinging nettles stimulating the skin
V
Vaccinophilia	Being vaccinated
Vaginal dildo
Vampirism	Attraction to or involving blood[54][55]
Verbal humiliation
Vibrator on genitals
Vicarphilia	Hearing stories about other people's lives
Video (recordings of you)
Video (watching others)
Vincilagnia	Being tied up
Violet Wand (electricial toy)
Vomiting
Vorarephilia
VORAREPHILIA	Vorarephilic Fantasies commonly revolve around devouring others whole, or being swallowed whole by a mate (remember Armin Meiwes? Read his story HERE )
Vorarephilia	Fantasies about being swallowed alive
Vorarephilia	The idea of eating or being eaten by others; sometimes swallowed whole, in one piece[56]
Voyeurism
Voyeurism	Watching others have sex
Voyeurism	Watching others while naked or having sex, generally without their knowledge; also known as scopophilia or scoptophilia.[1][13]
Voyeurism (watching others)
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others)
Water torture
Waxing (hair removal)
Wearing symbolic jewelery
Weight gain (forced)
Weight loss (forced)
Whipping
Wooden paddles
Wrestling
X
Xenophilia	Strangers
Yaoi
Yuri
Z
Zelophilia	Jealousy
Zoophilia	Animals[1][3][12]
ZOOSADISM	Sexual pleasure derived from inflicting pain on animals, or seeing them in pain. Basically- they're assholes who NEED to die Immediately. Preferrably as painfully as possible. Then spend Eternity in Hell being raped by the biggest demon imaginable.
Zoosadism	Inflicting pain on or seeing animals in pain[57]
Zwischenstufe	Person of the same sex