Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Remember the Goals

Well the dreaded yeast infection hit a all time high over the weekend.  There was absolutely no way I could play.  Ugg, I really wanted to use some new toys.  I was totally disappointed that we could  not play.  I know that we still had a great weekend.  Part of this month is for us to talk, to listen, to try new things, to have quality time with each other.  That is exactly what happened this weekend.  We had talked a lot,and discussed things over the first half of the month.  What we liked, and what we didn't.  What did we want to do again, what did we look forward to that was in the next half of the month. It really is a month of communication, we have a crazy month and if we DON'T communicate it would not happen.  We have talked about it in the dark, we have talked about it over supper, we have talked more than we have in the last 7 years! That is what this month is about.

So  fast forward to this Sunday, another couple who we know is doing Sexuary in their own way, told me that while they haven't done it like we have and that they didn't understand why we were doing it the way we were and that they didn't agree with the whole "tshirt" and beating someone else. That it was not the point of Sexuary.  So I got to share with her that our month was our month. WE decided on 28 things we wanted to try, that we would try willingly and that we would NOT judge each other.  That we would communicate the how, what, when and what for's. She looked at me like a light bulb went off, and said Oh I had not thought of it that way before.  Now keep in mind that couple have been married almost 25 years, and they still struggle with their sex lives. In fact the last 3 years we have encouraged them to do Sexuary. I thought we had talked about what the goals where about, that each person/couple just needed to make goals.  If they did something more that normal then they when doing exactly what this month was supposed to be about.

So we are on the back-hill slide of our month.  Things have come up that are beyond our control, but you know what that's ok, WHY? Because I have had a great 18 days with my husband! That we are closer than ever, that we can keep adding great things to our lives and to our sex lives.  That I LOVE my hubby more today then the day we married...

I cant wait until the end of Sexuary, so we can sit and decide how we are going to change our monthly calenders....woohooo wonder what will get added for the next 11 months..


Jackie hit the highlights of our weekend.  Websites checking out cures and running to Wholefoods to make sure she got to feeling better as fast as possible.  One of the worst things for a guy is to have a problem we can't fix.  It's what we do, we fix things.  So when it's out of our control, be it a yeast infection, or one of our kids sick, it takes a mental toll on us.  I was glad when Sunday morning Jackie said she was 100x better.

We have talked and talked.  It's fun to plan things out and work on the things that didn't work.  Understand that we when we talk about the things that didn't work we have to create those safe spaces that our partner will know it's ok to talk about it and they aren't going to be chastised for it.  I thought it would always be the guy whos wanting more, but I know that's not the case.  I've known several women over the years that want more in the bedroom and the husband just won't give in.  I don't understand it, but I know it's true.  So in those cases the guy might figure it's been this way so long she'd never 'forgive me' anyway, so why try. It's in these times the safe space is imperative.  But we CAN talk about the good the bad and the ugly of this month and have, making sure the rest of the year is going to be just as much fun.

So this weekend was highly modified but we pushed through.  Honestly if I were the kiss and tell type guy I think I'd have most guys scared rather than jealous.  Lots on our plates still as we count down the last of our month.But this isn't our first Sexuary and we're ready to rock and roll to the very end!!!


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