Sexuary 2019 - Medication

Ok, so this one isn’t hot and sexy, but it is part of life and specifically speaks directly to our sex life.  Jackie has suffered from depression for years.  And over the years they’ve had to change her medication because the insurance would change their plan and they wouldn’t cover this or that.  Well in January we went into see the doctor for her refill checkup she told her doctor she always loved this one med, and while the ones she was on were ok, she didn’t love them. They seemed to narrow her emotions too much. Come to find out she could change back to the medication she preferred. 

Now Sexuary has rolled around, and for the first time in years Jackie is REALLY in the game.  She’s 100% with it and enjoying herself again.  She finding new things that turn her on and new ways to turn me on.  She’s with it.

In one of the groups I belong to I’ve read where a couple of the women talk about their depression and their lack of sexual desires.  These medications are made to keep your emotions in a smaller range than normal, and in doing so can, and often do, take away your sexual desires.

Hormonal imbalances can do the same thing.  About 10 years ago, we found out that Jackie’s hormones were all wacked out.   When we went to the doctor he started quoting us conversations we’d had in bed about her lack of desire almost verbatim.  Jackie almost swore I’d called the doctor and told him it was that dead on.  He pulled out his chart and said, “nope, that’s what happens when your hormones get out of wack.”  A little cream, a couple of estrogen pills, and Jackie went from no desires to raping Dane when he walked in the door.

So where am I going with all this? A couple of things, 1) if you’re on medication and you have no sex drive, talk to your doctor.  There is a chance they can change your medications and help you get that part of your life back.  2) Even if you’re not on medications, you might talk to your doctor.  They might be able to run some blood work and find out there is an imbalance that is causing some of the issues.  Believe it or not, that urge to kill your partner could be as much a medical issue as it is they are being a dumb ass. Even I have gone through bouts where high blood pressure or diabetes threw me off and when I look back realized how much it changed my personality.  Now that all that’s gone, I’m a much happier person, which makes it much easy for Jackie to want to have fun with me.

I truly believe that the lack of what I would call successful Sexuarys over the last couple of years have been at least in part because of medication.  I REALLY believe that the visit in January and the changes we made have given Jackie a lot of her life back, and before that we didn’t even realize just how much it was effecting her.  I because of that Sexuary 2019 has been a banner year for us so far, and we still have almost half a month left. 

So if you find there is no desire, no drive, maybe make that appointment and get a checkup, or talk to your doctor about the medications you are taking and ask if there is some changes you can make that might make a real difference in your world.

Dane

Sexuary 2019 - Autovampirism

So after we were playing with Thomas and Kitty one night Jackie said to me, “Thomas bit me on my thighs” and my first reaction was to get a little upset until she continued, “and I didn’t not like it.” 

With a little puzzled look on my face I asked her, “you didn’t NOT like it?”

“Nope, didn’t not like it, creamed all over his face as he did it.”

Later when I spoke to Thomas about it, he said he bit the first time and after that, she literally grabbed his head and shoved it to her thighs for him to continue the biting. 

Now we’ve played with autovampirism over the years.  It made the 2013 original calendar. And Jackie is definitely into anything vampire, but normally over the years for us, it’s been more sucking (OK, Dane is the worst hickie giver ever) or except for the back of her neck just never seemed to be a turn on.  So again the “we tried it, it was ok but…tried it again and now it rocks” is the case. 

So after the discussion the next morning we’re laying there and Jackie, who now has bruises on both thighs and a long line across her back from all the bites, tells me “stop breathing on my neck”…with a puzzled look I move a bit, but as I do I give her a little bite.  Jackie starts to cream and turns into an instant pot and is ready to boil.  After a few more bites, the sex was fantastic! I can say I really felt a bit sorry for the hotel bed and sofa.  I’d bet good money it’s never been cum on like it was that weekend ever before.

The back of Jackie’s’ neck, her breast, her ass, her thighs have all become a major playground for biting this month.  We’d know many women who have constant bruising, most of them from flogging, but we’d always wondered about the constant bruising.  Wednesday Jackie was proud of her bruises and was ready to show them off.  She gets it now.  She understand why someone would want to have bruising.  It represents the fun that happened and the pleasure/pain aspect of sex. 

So would I go and just take a huge bite out of your partner? Of course not…but I would take a nibble and see where that goes.  If you’re not rejected, try a different spot, or try a bit harder. Find the combination that works for you.  What we’ve found is that for us, Jackie has several great zones that work and work well.  I learned a new way to get her in the mood, and she’s learned that bruises can be fun.

Dane

Sexuary 2018 - Munches and Dark Parties

So one of the advantages of getting into the roping scene is that you also get exposure into so many other groups.  We've been fortunate enough to get in with SAADE, Austin Rope Slingers, and Austin Rope Bombing, and several others that are like minded in the kink lifestyle.  The best part of being part of these great groups is that you have get togethers.  There is everything from Munches to Dark Parties, and everything in between.

So let's start with the Munches. In case you don't know, a Munch is an informal meeting of like minded people.  Often times there might be some educational element to it.  It's a great place to meet and get to know others without the sexual element being involved. Ok, at least no one is going to get naked and have sex, as generally these are held in public places (like the back room of a restaurant).

Next there are soft parties.  These are parties that there might be some playing but there will be limits.  Each party might have the own limits, but generally there will not be any sex happening.  Sexy lingerie,  might or might not be nudity, but really it will be heavy petting and could be some ropes or maybe even some flogging or other kink play, but there will not be any sex at this party.  Could be happening right after the party someplace else, just not at the party itself.

Then there are the Dark Parties.  These will be sponsored by some group, or could be a house party, but generally you get to go because you have attended a Munch, know someone to get invited, or are part of 'the group' sponsoring.

These parties are generally "vanilla to the door" then ....well you will find fetish wear, topless, bottomless, naked, and everything in between.  The parties we've attended have different rooms with different BDSM items in each area.  St. Andrews crosses, spanking benches, hard points, stockades, massage/exam tables are all scattered throughout the locations.  Floggers, needle play, ropes, and various other kinks are happening all around you as you pursue through the environment.

Educate dictates you can watch but you don't interfere in any way unless you are asked to by the participants of the scene.  You watch in awe as a bullwhip cracks the back of a sub strapped to a St Andrews cross, or as a sub displays the needle work that her Dom has just completed on their back. 

This is where people let go!!! There will always be DM (Dungeon Masters) that have final say on a scene.  They can stop any scene at any point if they feel like there is danger.  No exceptions, and you'd be automatically thrown out and not asked back if you violated that rule. They are there for everyone's safety.  The Doms, the subs, and those watching.  But beyond that there are very few limits. 

The first time Jackie and I went I tied her up, strapped her to a cross, flogged her and then fucked her right there on the cross.  Afterwards I found out how exciting it was for her to know that others were watching her get fucked like that.  She loved the idea of being watched but never had said anything to me about it.  Well now I know.

The other good thing about these parties is it's safe.  I mean a woman could go by herself and be safe.  If she just wanted to watch and leave she could without having to fight off hordes of guys hitting up on her.  The entire group would make sure she got back in her car safely and if she was looking for a hookup, she could probably find that too.  It's safe.  The members are generally pretty well vetted and nothing unwanted is going to happen. Consent is  paramount in these groups, and communication about consent is demanded.  It's not left to the imagination as to what is wanted/allowed and not.

So how do you get to one of these? Look up Munches on fetlife or something similar and search for munches.  Look, different groups have different ...hmmm...kinks.  Some munches are couples oriented, some Top, some bottom, some female, etc.  So find the group that is in your wheelhouse, and do everyone a favor and read their rules BEFORE you go!  It will save a lot of embarrassment later.

Dane

NOTE: I realized we never posted this post last year, so are posting it now.

Sexuary 2019 - Good Friends and Good Fucks

So one of the things Jackie and I have 'played around' with over the years is bringing others into our bedroom.  If you go back to the first time we tried with a couple (Sexuary 2013), it was pretty disastrous.  Things didn't click.  Things moved oddly and definitely were not a good experience.  We'd had other experiences that were.  The 1 gentleman we played with for over a year (every few months we'd spend a date night out with him), and had a great time.  But for some reason couples just never seemed to work out quite as well.

Over the course of this last year we've met a couple and became friends.  While I'd known the guy for a bit, and had met his significant other, Jackie hadn't met either.  Our first get together as couples was at Hippie Hollow.  No better way to meet someone than with all your cloths off right? We've become great friends over the year and some where along the way the question was asked, "so, can we all get together in bed?"  As always for us, both of us have to agree, and since we know I'm a horny bastard it left it to Jackie to work it out.

After several visits it did happen, and has continued to happen over the last 6 months or so.  So when Sexuary 2019 calendar was being made we texted them to see if they were available for a weekend of swinging fun.  Of course they said yes.

Now I want to point out we hook up some times just for cards, or a meal, or get together.  Both of our families have met the other as our friends.  We know them, and their story just like they know ours.  It's not a quick roll in the hay and we were out the door.

And while Jackie had some feelings she had to process the first couple of times, it's not gotten to where when we are together we can flirt and have fun, and each of us knows who's going home with who and there are no problems. We have gone to dark parties together, and we've played at each others house.  When I built our St. Andrews cross they were they were their for the inaugural weekend. The new hard point for the house we actually put it together the 1st time at their place and I suspended all 3 of them that night.  Rarely a day goes by that we don't all text something back and forth asking about each others day or family. 

So Friday comes and to be honest Jackie had a horrible week.  We weren't even 'scheduled' to play Friday night, but she needed some release.  So we all went out for dinner and .99 cent Margaritas. Afterwards Jackie and Thomas (Thomas and Kitty are our friends) laid on the sofa together while I took and gave Kitty an hour massage.  We just relaxed and got the days stress out of our system.  We moved to the bedroom and .....well let's just say the women were all very satisfied before we ended up in a pile in the middle of the bed and chatted for about 30 minutes as we planned the next days adventures. 

Did I mention that the king sized bedroom I rented had a hot tub in it? Yeap, Jackie and I had stayed here before so when I was looking I went back.  It's really a 2 person tub but you can easily fit 3 and really could fit 4 in it if you wanted to be playful and cozy. So while Thomas and Kity took care of their daily honey-dos, Jackie was in an extraordinarily horny mood and I was ever so happy to help her with her condition.

After lunch we came back and worked on those rope ties I struggled with so much this on Wednesday.  We'd talked about different things we could do to make it work and sure enough with a set of new ropes, a couple of piles and a lot less frustration Jackie was tied up and laying comfortably on the bed.   OF COURSE I took advantage of the situation a little, but then I let her chill in her subspace for about 15 minutes while tied up. 

Just as I was finishing putting my new ropes away in come Thomas and Kitty with a bottle of wine and cups.  The hot tub filled up with Jackie relaxing on the sofa next to it as we chatted for at least a good hour or more.  They'd been to lunch with their kids and had gotten good news, and we were all in just happy.

Of course hands and feet were rubbing all around and by the time we got out everyone was ready for more sexual adventure.  We played for a couple of hours till there just wasn't much left in our tired bodies.  Thomas took good care of Jackie, I turned Kitty into rubber and when it was done the 2 gals hopped back into the hot tub for a relaxing finish.

We went to dinner at their house, the women both got massages, and then we played cards while sitting around naked. Life is good!!! But these are our friends.  Yes, it's more than the average relationship of couples, but it's where we are.  It's good.  It's comfortable.  And most importantly it's fun for all of us.  Don't get me wrong, like all relationships there have been some misunderstandings, but we've gotten through those, and the results are weekends like these (yes there have been other full weekends of adventures with them) that just really really are a great time for all.

So what are my takes on things?  First of all, just because something doesn't work the first time doesn't mean it won't work at all.  It has taken us 6 years to find a couple we've enjoyed playing with and figuring out what went wrong with the others.  For us it was we needed that relationship to happen. We needed a connection to hang onto before it was sexual.

For the roping side it meant that we had to work out some positions, and Jackie had to talk to me about what worked for her and what didn't.  She came up with the idea of the pillow under her hip and putting her arms up front instead of behind her ....that worked for us.

It also means that because we were willing to go outside of our box more than once, even after failure the first time, we not only have found success, but exceeded in it.  In both cases we could of let it drop and never gone back, and probably been justified in doing so.  But we didn't and because of that we have had a fantastic weekend.

Swinging weekend has definitely been a success!!!

Dane

PS, this morning Jackie asked if we could extend a day....well you can bet your bottom dollar I made that happen!!! A happy horny Jackie makes for an extremely happy and satisfied Dane!

Sexuary 2019 - Anal Fisting

Ever since our first Sexuary that we went out on a limb and started trying 'kinky' stuff, anal fisting on me has been 1 of my absolute favorites.  Honestly Jane has confided that there is something about having her hand and wrist deep in my ass that's pretty hot for her too. It's one of those that not only gets me off, but has a long lasting calming for me.  It will embrace my entire body and release all the tension from the top of my head to my toes. 

This year, once again, life tried to get in my way of this favorite of favorite nights.  It's hard make sure your sex life is a number 1 priority, and that's part of what Sexuary is about, putting it back as a priority in our relationship.  But instead of saying 'fuck it' because it got late and because Jackies day had started with her throwing up from migraines, we made it happen. I did NOT regret it. 

We tried some new lube we'd been recommended for fisting, J-Lube.  Gotta tell you, if you want to deal with cold stringy cheese that will create a spiders web of lube then this stuff will work.  One container will make a ton of lube, but so far we're not impressed.  So Jackie quickly switched back to our favoirte for this Elbow Grease.  In fairness to J-Lube I did read where you can microwave it ahead of time and it will change that 'snottiness'.  We'll try that another time when I can premix it earlier in the day. 

But Jackie caressed my asshole into opening up after a little work and sure enough she reached in and hit that spot.  There is NOTHING like when someone hits that spot deep inside of me.

So a few "FAQs" that we always get:

1) Yes, I always take about an hour ahead of time and 'clean out'.  Multiple flushes of enemas until I'm getting clear fluid.  Sometimes that's 45 minutes, sometimes that 90 minutes, but it's well worth the time for me.  And while I actually get off a little on enemas, I'll admit the 90 minute times are a lot.  

2) Yes, we use TONS of lube.  If you think you've used enough you're probably only 1/2 way there.  This is an ass, and it's not self lubricating and normally you're not putting large objects in it, so LOTs of lube is probably an understatement. 

3) Yes, sometimes it will still make a bit of a mess.  But I keep a towel under me, a towel on the side for all the toys to sit on, and a towel for Jackie to use to wipe anything she needs.  Even if it's just the mess of the lube it requires a bit of preplanning to prevent a mess. 

4) Does it hurt?  I'll admit there is 1 point right before her hand slides completely in that stretches me to my limit.  It's a bit uncomfortable and a twinge of pain...but my mind knows that little bit of pain is about to bring a lot of joy.  And honestly it's only the first time her fist goes in.  After that she can go in and out without any problem.  Once her hand has been in there my muscles relax and you could drive a Mac truck in there I think.  

5) After effects? This is the odd one to me, honestly, except for the entire body euphoria, within 5 minutes of us finishing up, my ass feels nothing out of the ordinary.  NOTHING! It doesn't hurt, it doesn't tingle, it's like it never happened.  Now we only do this every 6 - 12 weeks, so there's been no other side effects either.  Ok, honestly I'd do it more often, but it is a lot of work.  

This time Jackie surprised me by taking a couple of pictures with her hand deep in my ass.  She knows how much I love pictures, and I didn't ask, she just did it. Gotta love a partner who surprises you like that! 

You know when we started, I already loved anal play, but let's face it fisting brings it to a whole other dimension.  It was out of the box and definitely a 'kink' play for us.  AND if you read through the 2013 blog, it didn't 'just happen'.  It took us several times before my ass accepted it and her knowledge of what's back there allowed it to happen.  But we went there and tried it and today it's definitely top of my list. 

So get out there, try SOMETHING different.  You don't have to stick a hand up someones ass, though if you do bravo to you.  Maybe some finger play in an ass is a new and fantastic sensation.  Maybe just touching all over your partners body is different.  But go there and try it! Do something different and get out of that rut. 

Dane