Sexuary 2018 - Munches and Dark Parties

So one of the advantages of getting into the roping scene is that you also get exposure into so many other groups.  We've been fortunate enough to get in with SAADE, Austin Rope Slingers, and Austin Rope Bombing, and several others that are like minded in the kink lifestyle.  The best part of being part of these great groups is that you have get togethers.  There is everything from Munches to Dark Parties, and everything in between.

So let's start with the Munches. In case you don't know, a Munch is an informal meeting of like minded people.  Often times there might be some educational element to it.  It's a great place to meet and get to know others without the sexual element being involved. Ok, at least no one is going to get naked and have sex, as generally these are held in public places (like the back room of a restaurant).

Next there are soft parties.  These are parties that there might be some playing but there will be limits.  Each party might have the own limits, but generally there will not be any sex happening.  Sexy lingerie,  might or might not be nudity, but really it will be heavy petting and could be some ropes or maybe even some flogging or other kink play, but there will not be any sex at this party.  Could be happening right after the party someplace else, just not at the party itself.

Then there are the Dark Parties.  These will be sponsored by some group, or could be a house party, but generally you get to go because you have attended a Munch, know someone to get invited, or are part of 'the group' sponsoring.

These parties are generally "vanilla to the door" then ....well you will find fetish wear, topless, bottomless, naked, and everything in between.  The parties we've attended have different rooms with different BDSM items in each area.  St. Andrews crosses, spanking benches, hard points, stockades, massage/exam tables are all scattered throughout the locations.  Floggers, needle play, ropes, and various other kinks are happening all around you as you pursue through the environment.

Educate dictates you can watch but you don't interfere in any way unless you are asked to by the participants of the scene.  You watch in awe as a bullwhip cracks the back of a sub strapped to a St Andrews cross, or as a sub displays the needle work that her Dom has just completed on their back. 

This is where people let go!!! There will always be DM (Dungeon Masters) that have final say on a scene.  They can stop any scene at any point if they feel like there is danger.  No exceptions, and you'd be automatically thrown out and not asked back if you violated that rule. They are there for everyone's safety.  The Doms, the subs, and those watching.  But beyond that there are very few limits. 

The first time Jackie and I went I tied her up, strapped her to a cross, flogged her and then fucked her right there on the cross.  Afterwards I found out how exciting it was for her to know that others were watching her get fucked like that.  She loved the idea of being watched but never had said anything to me about it.  Well now I know.

The other good thing about these parties is it's safe.  I mean a woman could go by herself and be safe.  If she just wanted to watch and leave she could without having to fight off hordes of guys hitting up on her.  The entire group would make sure she got back in her car safely and if she was looking for a hookup, she could probably find that too.  It's safe.  The members are generally pretty well vetted and nothing unwanted is going to happen. Consent is  paramount in these groups, and communication about consent is demanded.  It's not left to the imagination as to what is wanted/allowed and not.

So how do you get to one of these? Look up Munches on fetlife or something similar and search for munches.  Look, different groups have different ...hmmm...kinks.  Some munches are couples oriented, some Top, some bottom, some female, etc.  So find the group that is in your wheelhouse, and do everyone a favor and read their rules BEFORE you go!  It will save a lot of embarrassment later.

Dane

NOTE: I realized we never posted this post last year, so are posting it now.

Dom/sub

Ok let's try this.  It can go either way and we probably need to decide now who will go first.  There will be a second one later in the month to reverse the rolls.  So we can do it by a roll of the dice or you can decide if you'd like to be Dom first or sub first. 4 Hour time limit - 7:45 - 11:45 in the morning.  Anything can be asked/demanded, you can't say no without reprecutions (spankings, insertations, others???) - *** Decided Dane will Dom 1st***

So in a land far far away and many years ago I had a girlfriend of sorts that was into some BDSM.  It wasn't like she lived every day of her life that way, but she liked a good scene.  We went to several munches (meetings of like minded BDSM members) and were invited to a couple of parties that had sceneing.  We would leave and have hot sex.

I loved the control.  I loved not only the willingness of her to comply but the desired to do her best to send me over the top with her actions.  I can picture in my dreams Jackie fulfilling those wants and desires and it's a huge turn on for me.

I've tried over the years to bring 50 Shades of Gray to our bedroom, and have some very mild success, but that's it.  The success I've had has been fleeting and very sporadic.  I saw this as an opportunity to, on a very limited and safe scale, bring it to the next level. Create a scene and go through it.  It's not like she doesn't like many of the components of the scene, but the scene itself seems to just lock her up and shut her down.

Now today was a bit different.  I had a very early meeting in which we were suppose to start right after an errand I had to run after the meeting.  I come home though and things aren't the way they are suppose to be with our kids and I got upset.  Then Jackie is upset or bothered or ...I don't know but it's not right.  I told her let's just cancel it all because of the happenings.  She insisted, though not with enthusiasm, that we continue when I got back.

I got back and I"m still not right in my head, and it appears to me that every step she takes is trodden with fear.  Anyone who knows BDSM knows that is NOT how it's suppose to be.  We went upstairs where she had drawn me a bath per instructions and I pulled her close and called our safe word.  Before we go any further I was stopping it.  I still had 4 hours set aside of us time, and we'd spend them together, but it wouldn't be a scene.  My head wasn't wrapped tightly around it and neither was hers and someone would of gotten hurt either physically or mentally because of it.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in the outcome of the last 2 days.  I knew they were at Jackies very limits if not exceeded them, and was kind of surprised to see them still on the list when we were done with the 'hard limit' removals.  I knew I would be lucky if one of these days went as planned.

But with all that said and done, it's more important that she and I are ok than for me to relive an old dream.  Oh don't get me wrong, I could live in Anne Rices Beauty world. I have no doubt with my demeanor that I would fit in...though I'm not always certain if I'd be a Top or bottom.  But as we've learned several times this month of Sexuary, my dreams and fetishes don't always overlap with hers.  There is a very large center where both do overlap, and for the most part that's where we'll stay.

Oh, we did take the 4 hours together.  She still bathed me and we spent the rest of the morning in bed.  So don't feel sorry for me.  And while we haven't decided what goes into tomorrows slot, the rest of the week is much more to Jackies taste buds and should go much better.

Dane

So today was totally out of my comfort zone.  Sure I love to read and watch it but have never really dreamed of doing anything Dom and certainly NOT Sub.  Its a mind game, one that makes me feel small.  I kept it on the calendar because I knew Dane really wanted to try.  Its so new to me  I needed guidance. I wanted to know the rules, what was going to happen, the black the white, so I could chew over it and ask questions.  I did not "say" it out loud.  I just thought it was what would happen.  I thought I would get them ahead of time, instead I got them the morning of.  Now those who know me know I am ADD.  I need a few rules and I need time to read read and reread and work through them so I know the rules.  I got a list of 6 and in some of those you would think Oh that's common sense.  I got my rules this morning about 15 minutes before he got home and I was supposed to be ready, I really needed them weeks ago.  I needed to be able to wrap my, progressive 'no man is gonna tell me what to do' brain around them.Well its only common if its common, and these in my eyes were not common. 

 I had a hard time getting ready let alone trying to get my head in the game when I still had to do "life" I tried, I really did but once again I wasnt showing enough.  I didnt react enough.  "Life" got in the way.   Maybe 4 hours was too much.  Maybe we need to step back and do 30 mins at a time.  And work up to it.  This month is about pushing limits..I do feel bad because the things that I havent reacted to is what he wanted to try.  That he always does what I want to make me happy, and this was what he wanted to try.  I don't know why when I dislike something I cant get past the head game.  

We still did spend 4 hours together, I rubbed on him, sucked on him, and layed with him, slept with him. Had a great morning, I am sorry that I wasn't able to enjoy this like he had hoped.  Who knows what will happen in the future.  I think it might just be where I am right now in my life.  Who knows where I will be next year.  Its hard when making a calender of fetishes, you need stuff you both like.  I told him when we first started this in November if I had given him the list to begin with NOTHING would have been on it.  I am trying to expand my box.  I still love my box, but I am willing...Sometimes the lid slams shut but its not locked...How are you doing? Are you pushing your limits? Are you finding something new you like? Are you communicated the right way? I know I still have struggles with that.  Danes magic ball doesn't work and it wont work, I have to tell him what I need, I can't expect him to know whats going on in my head.