Sexuary 2021 - Recap

So as Sexuary 2021 comes to a close we have some cleaning up to do in the bedroom, some reviewing to do of all the things we experienced, and maybe start working on a mini Sexuary later in the year, or even start on ideas for next years Sexuary.  

We always have people tell us how much more experienced we are then they are.  Most of what we've done, we've done because we were willing to try something and most of the time I would go do the research on it and bring it back to Jackie.  When we started with our list of 1001 kinks never did we think 10 years later we'd still be writing about our exploits, and yet here we are.  Most everything we do we do out of curiosity.  It has a great side effect of bringing Jackie and I closer together with every new thing we try.  

Nightstand after Sexuary 2021

Let's face it, the first time you mention to your partner you're going to put them on fire, if they don't trust you there is a huge problem before you even start.  Or how about a 16 gauge needle? Or a flogger? Or a speculum? Or a sound in your urethra? Or ...or...or....you have to really get to know your partner and your partner has to really know you.  

Sexuary Daily Draws

We take what we learn from our sexuarys and incorporate them into our regular sex life.  Some things become more regular.  Some things fall away.  Some things we'll look at again in a year ....maybe by then we're ready for it...but then again, maybe we won't be. But the biggest thing is we put ourselves out there to try new things!!! We purposefully work our on relationship, and our sexual relationship every Sexuary.  It's a very conscious thing that we do every year to make sure we are not like our previous marriages.  Both of us came from failed marriages, and never wanted to have that happen again.  Sexuary has been a great exercise in making sure we don't go back there.  

So Sexuary maybe over, but it's never to late to start YOUR own Sexuary! We do it in that month of love on purpose, but anytime is the right time to go outside of your box and try something new for you and your partner in the bedroom!! We hope you'll take our blog as inspiration to try something new with your partner....hell read the blog together, get ideas and get started on your plans!!! 

Dane and Jackie
Sexuary 2021

Sexuary 2021 - Fireplay

 

Since we've started with fire play, we've tried it many times.  We've varied it up and different designs do different things.  So this year I was able to make videos for you.  I started with a heart shape on Jackies back:

 

I created a different design with the intent of some immediate heat in multiple directions all at one time.  You'll notice how this one kept going for a couple of rounds before stopping.  Be prepared to stop it if you see it's going to long and could burn your model. 

 

 

For the 3rd video I just did a zig-zag design on Jackie

 

For the 4th I didn't 'burn' anything. I took the same flame torches I would use in fire cupping and just glide them all over Jackies body.  This will give her a warm sensation.  In her words, "it feels like a huge body hug" 

I did one more simple design, but again with the intent of multiple passes before it stops.  

 

I didn't realize at the time but I recorded more than I expected.  You'll note just like any type of kink play there is an aftercare.  We didn't just get up and go.  In this care I caressed Jackie for a minute and then covered her.  I let her float in her subspace for about 5 - 10 minutes before we got up and I cleaned up our playspace while she went to relax. 

"I wish people could just understand" was Jackies comment as she climbed down from the massage table.  Jackie seriously went to her special place while we played.  

Now this isn't a great lead to intercourse, but not all sex is there.  Sometimes it's just about the intimacy you and your partner achieve, and that doesn't always mean traditional sex.  Today, for us, this is one of those days.  

One of the things in BDsm is the trust the sub has to have for their Dom, and the care and preparation the Dom must have to keep the sub safe and maintain that trust. I don't think the average couple ever achieves that level of trust a BDsm couple does.  

We hope you enjoy the videos, please feel free to comment or contact us with questions or comments. 

Dane
 

Sexuary 2021 - Needle Play

So when I drew today it came up "Needle Play".  Now I knew this was an especially tough day for Jackie.  It was the anniversary of her moms death, and I knew that pain can be very cathartic for her.  I could allow her a relief she wouldn't get any other way.  In the past that often means a good flogging, but as luck of the draw would have it would be needles. 

Now I'm by no means a worlds leading artist in any format.  I've played with the needles, and frankly they are a bit tough to make a design that is anything.  Definitely not as easy as it might seem.  But I wanted to do a heart.  It is Sexuary after all, a time for love, and I thought the symbolism of a heart on this day might help her out some.  So I had an idea and prepped.  I got the massage table out, the needles and prep (alcohol wipe, gloves, disposal canister, trash can, and camera) all ready.  

When she was ready I blindfolded her. We've found the anticipation when she watches takes away from the ordeal, and leads to some anxiety.  So blindfolded it is. And then I started. 

WOW, only 5th needle in and she feels like I've stabbed her 6" south of where my needle was.  I showed her with her hand where I was, and that I was no where near where she thought.  I asked her if I needed to stop, and she assured me she would be ok, so I continued on. 

There were times as I continued her emotions welled up inside of her. I would make sure she was ok, ask her color, and continue on.  We were 3 from the end when she wanted to stop. THREE!!! I asked her if she could handle the 3 more and she said yes, but only 3 more. 

When I finished I took the pictures..and held my hand on the needles and let her feel the sensations.  This zone is as important as the putting in the needles.  I let her stay there till she told me she was ready to remove the needles.  I quickly removed them and took more pictures.  The raised areas are beautiful.  The heart on her chest was lopsided a bit, but still one of the best designs I've ever done. 

Needle play is one of those not very conducive to intercourse afterwards, but it does bring you closer.  The trust Jackie has that I will not hurt her, the love I have as I am putting those needles in, knowing that even as they hurt, they are healing, is all part of the process that those not in the lifestyle will never understand.  I get it, while I have never been vanilla, I have been in vanilla relationships.  There is a difference. This relationship, and the work we do in Sexuary is very important to us!!!

So I've included the pictures of the 50+ needles in her chest, and then of the heart shape left after we were done.  Honestly it looks even better the day after, though there was a yelp from the shower as the warm water hit that area of her chest. 

Do a couple of things if you are going to try this: 1) make sure you get sterile needles individually wrapped.  Once the package is opened either use it or dispose of it. 2) always wear gloves, but remember, odds are eventually you are going to get poked yourself too.  3) Sterilize the surface to be poked with alcohol before and after (yes it's going to sting afterwards, but better than an infection), 4) Dispose of your needles properly.  Originally I had a coffee can with a taped lid and skull and crossbones on it, now I have the same as hospitals...but either way these are bio hazards, treat them as such.  5) remember proper aftercare.  This can be just as traumatic as a flogging or more, remember that. 

Hope this helps, and for the records those are 27 and 25 gauge needles I used.  Since I was doing so many I went small.  

Dane

Sexuary 2018 - Being Tied Up

So life kind of got in the way of Sexuay 2018.  We'd gone through 4 months of family issues and weren't able to celebrate like we normally do.  But that doesn't mean we won't try to do something later this year for a couple of weeks or a month.  It also doesn't mean that we haven't had some fun in the mean time pushing limits again.

In the past I've done some light tying up and BDsm.  We've played with cuffs that Velcro to sheets, and Japanese ropes to tie her hands, but to give full trust like this is something new for Jackie.  This weekend Jackie gave me permission to go all out and no limits with the rope, something that has literally been 2 decades since I've had that opportunity and I wasted no time getting excited and start planning.  New rope was purchased and the blood was flowing. Jackie was very apprehensive.

When we started it was almost a bit comical.  My rope skills have definitely slacked over the years.  I couldn't get anything to stay tight.  After a couple of attempts though things started to tighten up and stay in place.  Her breast were tied tight with nipple clamps placed on her nipples. Then her arms were tied behind her back, all while on her knees and blind folded.  She was a beautiful site.  A trusting wife who went well beyond her boundaries and learned she had a new limit.
 

Ok, so my rope work still has lots to be desired, but you have to admit she is beautiful all tied up like this.  When we were finished we took a break, I rubbed her shoulder and we just relaxed.  I'll fill you in on more of our weekend adventure soon.  But what did it take?  I purchased some 3/16" rope that was nice and soft (100 ft) and a willing partner.  That's it. 

So I've heard it time and again about BDsm and its' many subcategories that's it's just about abuse.  While it could be without 2 loving, trusting people, it's far from it when done the right way. BDsm is about bringing 2 people closer.  The trust between 2 people to perform this type of act is incredible. The literally "giving of oneself" is giving everything can only brings you closer when done right.  The accepting that gift and taking on that responsibility opens up parts that just doesn't happen in ordinary sexual relationships.  It took a lot for Jackie to open up and allow me to tie her up like that.  But she's come a long way over the years where just tying up her her hands was a push for her.  Me? I'll have to make sure I didn't break that trust in any way. You have to know your partner and their deepest fears and joys.  In my case, I made sure her hands were the last to be tied making it easier on her.

From here? I've already remembered some of the things I didn't do right that would of made the ties better.  I will probably do a bit of research making sure that next time the comical side of our encounter doesn't happen again.  Also we talked about a couple of things that would make it more enjoyable for both of us.  We didn't get to 'celebrate Sexuary 2018', we definitely had a Sexuary type weekend (so yeah, more to come).  

Dane