Sexuary 2024 - Masturbation

I hate it that life gets in the way of our Sexuary celebration every year, but because of it we learn to adapt.  This year Jackie got a new job, so things that were planned for the first full week got delayed, on this day, the 6th day of Sexuary 2024, Jackie had a meeting right after work, and I had a meeting at 630 - 730.  

So when I left Jackie I told her when she got in from her meeting, she needed to shower, and then when I got home I wanted her masturbating, and well on her way to her orgasms.  

When I walked into the house I could hear Jackie moaning and her vibrator doing it's job.  Jackie had done as she was told and was well on her way to her orgasm.  I quickly stripped and spread her legs as I went down and aided the vibrator with my tongue.  

Now I've heard people say,"you're married, you shouldn't masturbate," or "I should be enough for her," or something stupid like that.  If it works, and you both enjoy it, DO IT! It excites me to see Jackie excited.  I know her favorite toys get her excited and with my aid, she'll get even more excited.  And movies are great, but movies with popcorn are better.  Don't be afraid of using toys to make things better. Doesn't mean she doesn't like your dick, and most women I have talked to will say that the vibrators will do in a pinch, but dick is what they want, but both are over the top good (note, I know that doesn't apply to all women, so no hate mail please).  

So if my options are no sex, or jump start sex and have a good time, I'm going for the jump start, and having Jackie start without me was a great way to do that. 

When it's not Sexuary, there is nothing like walking into the house and hearing Jackie masturbating, knowing she's expecting me to run in there and join her, SHE'S asking for sex, and you can bet I'm going to join her ASAP every time!!!

Dane

Sexuary 2022 - A Day of Sex!! - Day 26

Without you, I doubt I’d have any relationship with any of the kids….and definitely not the relationship we have with all of them.  I know it’s not always been easy…and I know I’ve had to hold you back a time or two …and I know you’ve had your heart broken more than once by their actions, but in true ‘mother’ form, you’ve believed, you’ve loved and you waited them out and because of that we’ve got the best relationship we’ve ever had with all of the kids.  I love that about you. -143

PS – Today is all day sex….. I’d love to finish up with a par 3 or better… but as the last weekend of Sexuary I really hope to make it go out with a bang. 

My spouse Jackie is an incredible woman! I debated whether or not to post this note I sent to her or not, it's kind of personal, but then I realized this part of her is part of what makes her such a great partner.  There are 2 very different personalities.  I see black and white, she sees shades of gray.  I'm roar like the lion, with the lightening strike of Thor, and she's kind, loving, and giving, in my view almost to a fault at times.  But the balance of the 2 has created a relationship that has lasted over 15 years and is honestly better today then it was 15 years ago. Part of that is that she is subservient, not my slave, but wants to serve and make me happy.  It's part of what makes her complete and happy.  My acknowledgement of that keeps her wanting to give more.  My acceptance of that is not only a gift to me, but a gift to her.  

I think so many subservient people get abused because of their personalities and that's a shame.  Instead of shining and growing, they are left to coward or be upset because once again they were taken advantage of.   Instead of becoming who they truly are, they are forever wondering how they wind up in relationships like they do, unappreciated, an never satisfied in life. Often times these same people are in abusive relationships because the abuser mistaken subservient for weak and easy.  It's truly sad. 

ONTO THE PS!!!! Today was all day sex!!! WOO HOO! I know you're thinking I'm joking right?  Well our day starts at breakfast, and then the day really began! Back in bed we went and honestly except for a late lunch around 2 and then ice cream about 7 when we ended, we were in bed the entire day.  We cranked the music on the bluetooth speaker and went at it.  

We would play then rest....sometimes 15 minutes...sometimes 45....but we were together all day in bed.  

Read that again, we were in bed together for almost 10 hours enjoying each others company in every kinky way.  Ok there were 2 showers in there too.  

Now for those who haven't read about a Par 3, there are 3 holes. so you have to hit every hole on the course to get a Par 3.   Remember anal play is a rarity for me, so to get a Par 3, Jackie has to give that up too. 

Ok what I've got to say is WOW!!!! That woman jumped in with all her efforts to make this a day to remember forever!  Not only did we start out with anal, but several times through out the day we went back there.  Her blow job was incredible, and our already good sex was like a new dimension of sex for the entire day.  

While choking is something we've played with, we took it up a notch when I brought my robe belt to bed and used it on her.  She then put it in her mouth and liked having it there as a bite, something else new for us.  

At the end of the day I did get my Par 3 with 2 extra holes for bonuses.  

Look we get it, if you've read this years blog you realized we've had to change plans more times than not.  LIFE SUCKS THE JOY OUT OF GETTING THERE!!! If you don't make it a serious priority in your relationship, sex can all but disappear.  We know so many couples that couldn't tell you the last time they had sex, or it's one of those only on a very rare occasion.  Life, grudges, lack of communication, one person not realizing that sex is something the other wants or doesn't understand that it is really THAT important to the other person in the relationship and won't make the effort to go there.  Relationships take effort.  Sex in a relationship takes even more effort.  And great sex, well let's just say not many are willing to put forth that much effort....so the sex they do have is routine and often times one sided where one of the 2 are 'satisfied' and the other just fakes it to be done and over with it.  

Nobody deserves any of that!!! Hence Sexuary.  You've still got a couple of days, MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN!!! Be different today.  Try something you've always wanted to.  Talk to your significant other.  Be the aggression.  Be the subservient one.  Talk.  Make time and make it stick, no excuses.  Find that second wind and be there for your significant other.  Whatever it takes quit making excuses and do something!!! It's hard, we get it, trust me after 26 days we understand just how hard, and we raise 4 kids, so we really do understand. It's why Sexuary was so important to us 13-14 years ago when we started, and why we continue to this day supporting Sexuary.  

Dane

Life Getting in the Way

Geez, the best laid plans of mice and men just sometimes don't work out.  Life gets in the way.  It use to be worst when we didn't make intimacy a priority in our marriage. Then any excuse that came up would interfere with us becoming intimate.  Now it takes pretty major happenings to distract us from our planned Sexuary activities, even if it's a mini-Sexuary activity.  But yesterday, on the kick off day for this mini-Sexuary it happened, LIFE got in the way. UGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

One of the ideas of this mini-Sexuary was to take the last 2 weeks before the kids got out of school.  Sex is definitely less inhibited, a bit longer, and with a lot more energy when we can get together in the morning after the kids are at school, and we are blessed with the fact that our work allows us that opportunity most of the time.  Not yesterday.  Dang it! From about 10 seconds after the kids were gone the phone was ringing with one emergency or another.  And that went on all day long.  We barely got lunch together which is highly unusual.

I read on Christine Moers blog welcometomybrain.net where there are all kinds of "the kids take so much out of me", "we are just to busy", "I'm so tired after .....", "our schedules just don't make time" and I cringe and feel sorry for those couples.  Oh don't get me wrong, I've been there.  I made all those excuses at one time and I excepted them from my ex.  Not that was the only reason she is my ex, but that IS a part of the problem.  Jackie and I have made sure the 'excuses' aren't confused with the reasons.  When your priority is to make time with your spouse, and spouse alone, and to be intimate with them to strengthen your relationship, it will happen.  But it must be a priority or it is to easily pushed to the dark closet that will haunt a relationship every time the closet door is opened. 

So back to mini-Sexuary - our original plans just weren't going to happen.  When I got in bed I kind of expect a 'normal' sex night. But Jackie had other plans and made up for a messed up day with a fantastic blow job when I finally plopped into bed. Not an 'ok' or 'average' blowjob.  Not a "I'm warming you up for before we get going".  But one of those really special, all out OMG here I cum blowjobs.

You know, one of the things I've figured out is that when it comes to oral is different people like different things. Heck with Jackie what works today won't necessarily work tomorrow.  But I generally can read her breathing and moans to try to find the right spot, and I know Jackie does the same with me. 

I know a lot of guys like their head given a lot of attention, me, I like that ridge along the bottom side towards the base sucked on.  I also love the noises made. Slurps, gurgles, even the occasional gag all turn me on and send me over the top.  But I guess what I was really getting at was I've let Jackie know that's what I really like, and she's listened.  And I know it takes a lot to get me off with just a blowjob, so when Jackie goes all out like she did last night I love and appreciate her efforts!  Jackie is the only woman who has been able to really get me off orally. Only once in my life prior to Jackie was I ever able to finish by just oral. And while it's not an every day occurrence, when Jackie sets her mind to it, I know I'm in for a fantastic blow job and that she will finish the job! Oh my! *where is that cigarette?*

Don't get me wrong, I love when she uses oral for foreplay too, just to get me ready for the 'main event' but there is something special when she takes that to the next level like she did last night....and "LIFE" can kiss my ass, nothing is going to get in the way of this mini-Sexuary!!!

Dane

Pat your Belly and Rub Your Stomach

So it's been a bit since we've written.  All truth be told between activities, illness, and the likes life has gotten right in the middle of our sex life! Dammit, I hate it when that happens.   But through it all we've been talking and seem to be back on course....so much on course that we've decided that the 2 weeks before the kids get off of school we're going to have a mini-Sexuary.  That's right Monday - Friday for the next 2 weeks we're going to go back and fill in some of the squares that we missed the first time around and revisit some of the days that were....well exciting as hell!  So look for our blog to be updated for the next 2 weeks as we try some new things.  

But before we get on, I wanted to share a bit of a chuckle Jackie and I had yesterday.  We'd had one of those great sessions where it was kinda normal, but I tried something a bit different that worked.  Kind of a 69 position, but instead of on top of Jackie, i was kneeling next to her licking her clit from the top down REAL, REAL, I mean REAL slowly, while she was stroking my cock REAL REAL I mean REAL fast.  Now I have to tell you several times I had to be very conscience about keeping slow.  It was like when you pat your belly and rub your head, you want to go the same, and I wanted to devour her clit at 90 mph like she was jacking me off at 90 mph.  But the rewards I was getting by keeping slow...oh yeah, Jackie is a squirter when you get her in the right place....was just to good to pass up.  So I did the near impossible, while enjoying her actions on my cock, I somehow keep enough blood to my other head to keep my tongue going slow from the top of her clit downwards...slow...oh oh oh..slow...come on Dane, you can do this...damn that feels good down there...slow....

Whew...needless to say we both wound up with our pretend cigarettes puffing away in our post sex relaxation.  Satisfied, and another new trick to add to the bag of 'oh yeah, we'll try that one again!'

Dane

Sexuary Summary

So I'm setting here, Jackie just left a bit ago for her training and I'll have 3 days by myself.  No kids, no wife, just myself.  So I thought it might be a good time to reflect a bit on what Sexuary meant to me.  I'm sure when Jackie gets back she'll put in her two cents worth too.

Let me start by saying this is year three for Jackie and I to 'celebrate' Sexuary. The first year we wanted to try to have sex 7 straight days.  It didn't happen.  Then came last year.  We were in a better place, but 7 days in a row was a lot to ask still, so we went for every other day on even days.  While we didn't exactly succeed we did much better, though by the end we were really struggling.  I really mean it was a struggle for us to have sex one more time. ugghhhh

You know we've done a lot of soul searching and working in our marriage over the last 3 or 4 years.  We've a lot learned about each other and what makes the other one tick.  We've learned to compromise, though as you've read this month we still struggle through some every day issues in communicating those compromises.  We have really focused on being better individuals so that we can be a better couple.  And we've made time for ourselves as a couple regardless of what 'disaster of the moment' is going on outside of our bedroom door.

I know that sex does not resonate near as high on the 'got to have it' scale for Jackie as it does on mine.  Yet I also know that she can get just as excited about it as I can be once we're there.  It's getting her out of her head and the other things going on to get her there that is the issue.  She's come a long way working on that over the last 3 years.  She now realizes how important it is to me to be that intimate with her and has gone out of her way, even when I'm being an ass, to make sure I get that time with her.  I know she has to struggle sometimes over that, hell I would.

Jackie says all she ever has to do to get me in the mood is take off her shirt and I'm ready.  Makes it difficult at night where we're getting ready for bed, cause I really do find my wife that attractive and that fun to be around.   Her kisses will set me off.  Her caress will definitely excite me.  And just the site of her in the shower gets me excited.  She's hot and sexy and she's mine and I love it.

So this year we decided to try a 28 day trek.  Not an easy task.  We know the Moers and know they had struggles last year with their 31 days.  Days they'd of preferred hall sex (you know as you pass each other in the hall you say "fuck you") then to have bedroom sex.  And these are people we look up to and respect, so how mere mortals like ourselves going to stand a chance to succeed?

So back in November, yes 3 months before Sexuary started, we started talking about this all.  It wasn't all pretty.  My 'box' of what I'm willing to try is huge compared to the average person.  Basically if I haven't tried it and dislike it I'm willing to try it.  Don't know if I'll like it, but I'll try it.  And there are things I'll try just because the other person I'm with wants to try.  VERY few hard limits. Jackies box is more of a 'normal' box.  Don't get me wrong, she tried a lot of things this month not in her box, but I know she struggled with several of them, but if it weren't for me pushing her to push herself some she'd fit into her box and be pretty happy with it.  So November to January were lots of discussions on what would and would not be acceptable.  We created list.  We talked about those list.  We modified list.  We talked more.  We talked more.  And then we talked more.

Finally in January we got 'The Calendar' that we've posted.  Now this was a major change to Sexuaries of the past.  In the past we've alternated who was in charge of making the day special.  If the day was a bad day then sex might of been mundane at best. This would have a who was in charge, but most of the pre-planning was already done, so even in a bad day everything was there to complete the task and you knew what we were doing.  I personally think this calendar was what made this year so successful for us.  It took a lot of pressure off of us on a daily basis.  Meant even on a crappy day we knew what was going to happen and that we had the supplies already in our bedroom.  I'm sure glad our kids don't come in our bedroom.  If they ever looked in our 'drawers of toys' they'd die of embarrassment. And if they saw everything we put in there for this month I'm not sure they'd ever look us in the eyes again. 

So as you've read, we made it through the month.  Not all days were 'successful' in their goal of enjoying something new, but they were all successful  in bringing Jackie and I together.  Even during the struggles of a massive yeast infection we were able to work through things and have a great time together.  Words like compromise and understanding come to mind after those days.  The couple swap day that didn't go anything like we expected.  The spanking and Dom/sub that when over like lead balloons.  We HAD to talk through those to get past them.

But there were other days that we were flying high after our sexual encounter for the day.  Sensation, fisting, piercings, and others were high on our list and will go on our 'must try again' list.  Jackie really wants a piercing or two.  I knew she'd want another tattoo.  We're working on fisting her.  Now that we've tried she knows how exciting that can be.  So her 'box' got bigger this month. 

I know there are all kinds of scientific studies that show that after sex couples release chemicals that bring them closer.  Well imagine how close you'd get after 28 days of sex.  And while we had one couple of friends tell us they didn't understand just going for 28 straight days, they understood it when we explained that it wasn't about the act of sex, it was about EVERYTHING that comes with it.  The pillow talking that gets started again.  The wanting to be with your partner.  The desire to make them as happy as you've been.  The open communications.  The flattery.  The kissing.  The simple "I love you" text for no reason other than they came to your mind for that moment during your busy day.  For 28 days I didn't have to do anything and I knew I was going to get sex, and yet I was more than happy to help more around the house because I KNEW I didn't have to do anything to get sex.

I remember a self help study a couple of years ago that was popular. In it the goal was to strengthen your marriage. One of the first things it said was someone has to cross the lines in the sand that you 2 have drawn so that the entire fence can come down.  Sexuary is all about that.  We crossed LOTS of lines this month.  Many sections of fence came tumbling down.  And WE are a better couple because of it.

This year we went 17 straight days of sex with no breaks and 26 out of 28 days we had sex.  That shattered our previous 7 days in a row of sex and 16 days in a month.  Shattered them.  And on the 2 other days it didn't mean that we didn't snuggle and caress, it was just intimate non sexual days.  So all in all 28 straight days. How can that be bad for any relationship?

So what did Sexuary mean to me?  It means I fully appreciate my wife for all she does for me.  It means I still get excited when I see her.  It means that I've had 28 days to show her how much I appreciate all she does for me.  It means we've spent 28 nights, laying in our bed talking about sex, life, kids, sex, and anything else that popped up (did I mention sex?) until we drifted to sleep. It meant we rekindled our love for each other. We made ourselves the priority this month.

I know there is no way to keep the every day pace up.  I'm almost 50 and damn proud of getting 28 days in. But seriously that pace while great is not sustainable without itself becoming mundane. But it can be a treat once a year for Sexuary.  And I truly believe that the other 337 days of the year will be much closer and better for us because of this exercise during Sexuary.

We don't expect everyone is where we are as a couple.  But understand we weren't always here either.  There were times we fought about sex.  Times we definitely weren't talking.  Times I wasn't sure this marriage was going to last, no matter how much we wanted it to.  Times were intimacy, communications, and sex were not in our couples vocabulary.  And we've gone from that to a month of it.  So I don't care if it's been 3 months since the last time you were intimate with your partner or 3 days, there is hope, I know because we're proof.  But someone has to take that first step.  Something has to change.  Priorities to your relationships have to change.  And honestly it's not easy.  But the rewards are great.

So on this, the last official day of Sexuary 2013 I have a challenge to you.  If you haven't done anything this month that is out of your box do it.  Call your partner and tell them you love them and hang up...that's it nothing else.  Or meet them at the door naked.  Or if the kids are an issue, after they are in bed go put on something that makes you feel as sexy as he thinks you are and be waiting on the bed for him.  Text him to come find you.  Send her flowers just because you love her.  Wash the dishes tonight or help dry them.  Instead of rolling over in bed roll into bed and wrap your arm around your loved one.  Get it? DO SOMETHING!

And heaven forbid you let today go by with nothing happening this Sexuary...don't wait another 11 months for Sexuary to come back around....take tomorrow and start your own Sexuary! Sexuary is a state of mind.  It's a matter of making a difference in your relationship.

It's part of the reason this blog isn't over with.  Oh the intensity of it will definitely die down some.  But we still have a list of fetishes we haven't tried.  We have another list of 'OMG we have to do that again' fetishes.  We have some that were borderline we have to go decide which side of the fence will they fall on.  And who knows as we grow we might go revisit some of those we weren't ready for the first time. So keep following.

You want to help us out some?  Let us know if any blog post made a difference for you. Email or comment.  We've allowed anonymous comments so you can be honest with us.  Let us know that you've done SOMETHING for Sexuary, especially if something you read here pushed you over the edge to make the difference.  Let us know if something you read got you so hot and bothered you had to go and surprise your partner.  Just let us know, it really is a turn on to us to hear from others that are in our boat of wanting to make their relationships better.

Happy Sexuary to all...and we're already looking forward to 2014!

Dane