One for "Me"

So as we start out Sexuary I want to put out there one of the 'me' things that I've come to grips with.  I'm male, and I love anal.  Yes I love giving anal, and the feel of taking Jackie for a 'backyard BBQ' will send me over the top every time, but that's not what I'm talking about.  I've allowed myself to admit that having something up my ass is ....exhilarating....breath taking...multi-orgasmic....unfucking believable.

Over the last year or so I've over come the negatives of a man wanting something anal.  Let's face it, most guys would just tell you they're not 'gay' and 'don't touch my ass, that's gay'.  HA! The joke is on them.  They have no clue what it means to have their prostate rubbed from the inside.

I don't remember exactly how it started with Jackie and I.  I know I've always had some interest in anal play, but normally I left that for me getting to claim the woman.  But I remember once while Jackie was playing she hit my perineum (that little pea size ball between your sack and the base of your cock) and I came so hard it wasn't even funny.  I'd never experienced anything like that.  It wasn't long after that we were playing and she fingered my ass and found my prostate for the first time.  I think it's the first time I've ever said that was enough.  I had multiple orgasms that were so intense I thought I was going to pass out if she didn't stop.  I was sold on anal play from that moment on.  But there was still a naggling tug that it wasn't right.  It was wrong for me to like anal.

So last Sexuary we went to an extreme.  If possible, and honestly after a couple of test runs we honestly weren't sure, I wanted to be fisted.  We had purchased a life size hand dildo and an anal plug that was every bit as round as the hand but had never gotten either of them inside of me.  During Sexuary I was determined that if it could happen I was going to feel that fullness from fisting.  Jackie said I had to mentally let go first.  I'm not sure how much of that is true, but she's probably right, mentally I had to let that hand slip into my ass before it would physically go in.

Almost every day for a week Jackie attempted to fist me...then on that wonderful day it made it past the barriers and I was once again in heaven.  It was heaven, with the added benefit of afterwards for hours my whole body had a calm, peaceful, unbelievable feeling of tranquility.  It took us a couple more months and Jackie was actually able to get her fist (definitely a bit larger than the dildo, though not toooo much), inside of me.  A real fisting with a real hand.  A new level reached.  A new level of peace.

So where am I going here?  Well it's about 'me'.  You see if I listened to everyone else I probably never would of tried all the anal I have.  Without it I never would have had the best orgasms of my life!  Nothing has ever made me cum harder or more often than anal.  I've been blessed to have a wife that will indulge me in my 'kink'.  It's not her thing, but she knows that I need things and this is one she does for 'me'.  Ok, I think it's a bit more her thing now then when we started, but it will never be 'her' thing.

So what's your thing?  What is that one thing you have wanted for yourself that maybe you were afraid to ask about?  Or something you like but never get?  It doesn't have to be sexual, maybe it's an hour to yourself to meditate or work out at the gym.  Maybe it's a book you've always wanted to read.  For me, it's some fun sex things. ;) Why would those other things be part of Sexuary?  If you can't feel good about yourself, if you can't do the things you want, if you can't be happy where you are, then there is no way you can be happy with a mate, with your children, with yourself. I know I'm more relaxed and more satisfied now that I've allowed myself this. 

Dane

PS, want more on Sexuary 2014?  Head to www.welcometomybrain.net

Sexuary 2014

So the start to Sexuary 2014 is here.  It's to be the last official Sexuary for welcometomybrain.net and Christine has posted the theme and thoughts for this years Sexuary.  You can read her blog post here.

I'm struggling here a bit to be honest.  I've been thinking about it.  "me" is where I started my sexual journey as most young boys do.  "me" is the selfishness inside that says "hey, what about me?" "me" is the thing I've tried to let go of over the last 10 years as Jackie and I have struggled through the ups and downs of our relationship, especially our sex lives.  There is no doubt even though I'm almost 10 years senior to Jackie, my sexuality is far more open, for more outreaching, and honestly can be far more selfish than hers.  My kinko meter barely registers when hers is off the scale.  My sexual wants are 100x what hers is.  I would say I was born 10 years to late, but not even the 60's would fit me properly.  Maybe I was born 20-30 years to early, ahead of the times with some of the things that reel me in and turn me on. 

And don't get me wrong, Jackie is no prude.  Hell a 'normal' wife would of just called me a pervert and kicked me out.  Anyone reading this blog knows that what Jackie and I have done just over the last year is more that most couples would do in a lifetime together, and that's just what we've told you about.

And yet...........

......There is parts of me that I have boxed up, strapped with duct tape, bound with chains and thrown away the keys to keep sanity at hand.  Oh they are there.  I hear them pounding in the cellars deep below.  They echo up the stairwell calling out to be release at times.  Periodically I let Jackie glimpse into the cellar, though rarely does the corner of a box get opened.  She knows those boxes lay down there, it's not a secret, but still  I do my best to ignore them.

When life gets in the way, selfishness of 'me' comes boiling up and screams in my head.  It happens.  Just this month due to circumstance well beyond anyone's control it has been screaming.  Oh the arguments they scream.  It's even easy to believe them at times.  

And again.....

.....I've learned that there HAS to be 'me' in or there can not be an 'us'.  While the sum of the 2 can far out 'be' what the individual parts can 'be', when the individuals are on full power....and while one of a pair can sometimes pull the other out of a funk, remind them when their self vision is being clouded by life or the current situation...nothing but nothing can cure 'me' like me!  If I don't take care of myself, physically, mentally, and even making sure my sexual needs are met, there is no way I can be healthy. 

I've learned that sometimes I need time to myself.  Sometimes that's not just a couple of hours, but a couple of days.  And it's ok to need and take that time. 

I've learned that I can ask Jackie to consider to go through the dusty boxes and find something she'd be willing to consider, just because 'me' needs some special care. Those boxes are who I am, and THAT'S OK! Jackie can always say no, though more than likely she'll just alter it enough to be comfortable if she needs to, but even she's come to realize that is who I am, and it's ok to be me! 

I've learned that if my BP is 180/100 or my blood sugar is 380 then I can't be my best at anything.  And that while 'working out' isn't my thing, the benefits of just 3 days a week on a treadmill is me showing love for myself as my BP drops to 120/80 and my blood sugar drops to 110.  It's a love that 'me' can only give myself.  No one else can give it to me.

So what's my goals for Sexuary 2014, the year of 'me'?  I don't know to be honest.  I've spent a lot of time on 'me' over the years, so I'll have to dig deep to come up with something. I've still got a week left, so I'm sure I'll figure out something, but it's going to be a bit of a struggle..after all when you talk about 'me' you have to be honest with yourself or you're just blowing smoke up everyone's (and your own) ass.  Which might be ok if that's your kink, but thinking for Sexuary it's not exactly what was intended.  Stay tuned ...answers to come.

Dane